Microsoft Asks Fed For Bailout 346
snydeq writes "Microsoft requested on Tuesday some $20 billion in bailout funds from the federal government, claiming that as the company controls an overwhelming share of the OS market, it is too big to fail. Low adoption rates for Vista, the ensuing ad campaign trying to convince people that they really do like Vista, and the increased need for development resources to rush Windows 7 to market to make people forget about Vista have necessitated the bailout, the company said. 'We want to make it absolutely clear that this is not a crisis of mismanagement,' said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer in a prepared statement. 'This is simply a crisis of dollars — a crisis of not having enough dollars coming our way.'"
100% Real! (Score:4, Funny)
Weird. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:5, Funny)
The best April Fool's (Score:5, Funny)
This is by far the best april fools story posted today. I almost fell for it!
Slashdot was useless today (Score:5, Funny)
Today it's just useless.
Today?
NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout (Score:5, Funny)
In a twitter based inquiry to take place tomorrow. congressmen are expected to ask Mr. Taco if he drove his own Internets to Washington DC.
An anonymous source within the White House quoted President Obama as saying that "Things are tough. They may have to make do with LOLcats for a while."
In Microsoft's defence... (Score:1, Funny)
Re:I can't believe no one looks at their status ba (Score:3, Funny)
The US Government asks Microsoft for a Bailout (Score:5, Funny)
Face with an ever increasing mountain of debt, the US Government today has asked Microsoft for a bailout. Under the terms of the bailout, Microsoft Windows licenses will be exchanged with holders of Treasury Bonds to help the USA reduce its debt.
The Chinese Government expressed great interest in the deal. "We were thinking about using Linux, but knowing that we now have the rights to sell 5 billion copies of Microsoft products allows us to settle the debt the Americans have with us, and helps us become a software super power." Under the terms of the new arrangement, every house in China will receive their choice of Visual Studio Team System, Windows Server, or a lot of games.
In related news... (Score:1, Funny)
US Representatives today roundly criticized Microsoft for paying a $20 million bonus to Jerry Seinfeld for his work on the Vista ad campaign. "He doesn't even deserve Microsoft's money," one Congressman reportedly said, "let alone the taxpayer's."
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:5, Funny)
Funny, that. Just yesterday you were claiming it's April 1st when it was really March 31st. Stop living in the future, man!
Windows Live Bailout (Score:3, Funny)
Nobody is going to get all excited and upset about this bailout. All you need to know is that it's Microsoft's idea, and suddenly you're unable to care.
Re:Weird. (Score:5, Funny)
Dont put windows on your desktop. Trust me, its just a distaster. It may seem like a cool idea, but all the crashes and breaking and the cleanup, its just not worth it.
Oh, where you talking about the OS?
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Weird. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Dammit! (Score:3, Funny)
Did you catch it?
Re:NEWS: Slashdot gets Federal Content Bailout (Score:4, Funny)
How could slashdot possibly run out of stories? They've got over ten years' worth of them to keep posting!
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:2, Funny)
moran
is that an irish moron?
Re:Slashdot was useless today (Score:5, Funny)
Today it's just useless.
You must be new here.
Re:wait a minute here... (Score:4, Funny)
Well, continuing with my auto analogy, if Microsoft is the GM of the operating systems, that makes FOSS the VW microbus.
but I thought FOSS was sort of like M1 tanks, made of space-age materials, and packed full of sophisticated technology, modified to never break down.
are you mixing up your analogies?
Re:The best April Fool's (Score:3, Funny)
That's because it's not an April's fool joke but a prophecy.
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:5, Funny)
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:4, Funny)
Noon?
Even I think that's a bit harsh. Many days, I'm still sleeping at such an early hour.
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:5, Funny)
It's always April 1st in the United States.
Re:They are, ghowever (Score:3, Funny)
You left out blow and hookers...
Re:They are, ghowever (Score:5, Funny)
You forgot blackjack. Actually, forget blackjack.
Re:Dammit! (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, I know it's right in front of me, but how am I supposed to know what 13NF stands for?
Re:They are, ghowever (Score:5, Funny)
True, but the blow would only be in the MVP rail car and the hookers would stop to ask you if you want to pay extra to upgrade your experience, and when you're done she would ask you to fill out a survey about your experience.
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:2, Funny)
April 1st last much longer than that in Redmond.
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:3, Funny)
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:0, Funny)
And in the USA we have Obama's teleprompter and Joe Biden. Cheers!
Re:It's April 2 now (Score:2, Funny)
So, that's why people keep coming to Canada!
Re:wait a minute here... (Score:3, Funny)
Linux = M1, Hurd = Microbus. HTH, HAND. P.S. The original microbus is a fucking paragon of engineering, and anyone who says different doesn't understand time cube.
Re:That's a wrap (Score:3, Funny)
You must be new here. (That's three AF comments I've found so far which are best-answered with this old saw. This is the first one by someone with a UID < half mine, though.)