At CIA Starbucks, Even the Baristas Are Covert 242
An anonymous reader writes with this interesting story about what it's like to work at “Store Number 1,” the CIA's Starbucks. The new supervisor thought his idea was innocent enough. He wanted the baristas to write the names of customers on their cups to speed up lines and ease confusion, just like other Starbucks do around the world. But these aren't just any customers. They are regulars at the CIA Starbucks. "They could use the alias 'Polly-O string cheese' for all I care," said a food services supervisor at the Central Intelligence Agency, asking that his identity remain unpublished for security reasons. "But giving any name at all was making people — you know, the undercover agents — feel very uncomfortable. It just didn't work for this location."
What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Insightful)
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There is nothing more annoying than:
1) Fake friendliness (if you care so much about my name try and remember it for next time since I tell you it on almost a daily basis)
2) People who can't pronounce my name
3) People who can't spell my name
4) People who use alternate spellings of my name without confirming the correct one (my name has 3 alternate spellings)
After being annoyed at one or more of the above for the umpteenth time I started giving my name as Dave and don't care if they use Dave, Davie, David, Da
Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:4, Informative)
Oh forgot to add (even though it goes against 3 and 4 slightly):
5) Being asked to spell my name when all I want is a freaking coffee.
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Re: What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Funny)
Better yet, go with "Bueller" and then leave without your coffee, leaving them calling Bueller, Bueller, Bueller.
Re: What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:4, Informative)
Some Comedians (The Chasers) in Australia booked and checked in online for a flight using the names Mr Terry Wrist and Mr Al Queda. When they didnt show for their flights, the calls across the terminal were pretty comical. www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FkYPV7Iwu4 [youtube.com]
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Some Comedians (The Chasers) in Australia booked and checked in online for a flight using the names Mr Terry Wrist and Mr Al Queda. When they didnt show for their flights, the calls across the terminal were pretty comical. www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FkYPV7Iwu4 [youtube.com]
Chasers war... fucking classic!
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customer: "Bond, James Bond"
barista: "Uh, another coffee for Bond"
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You didn't give us a challenge, you didn't give us sufficient information. I'll just pick one at random.
Sarah, Sara, Zara, Seraiah, Sarai.
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Lorri
Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:4, Funny)
First world problems.
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If you live in MX, odds are good you aren't trading nearly the amount of currency the GP is yielding on a daily basis for that take friendliness. Therein lies the essence of a first world problem.
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I can see you haven't been to Starbuck in MX. The cost is the same as the U.S. It's way expensive.
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There is nothing more annoying than: 2) People who can't pronounce my name
Really? It's mindwhip - you say it like it's spelled!
Just like Wojohowitz.
Re: What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:2)
Funnier yet, it's actually "Wojciehowicz". Though they spelled it wrong of the board the last season or so.
Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Funny)
There is nothing more annoying than:
1) Fake friendliness (if you care so much about my name try and remember it for next time since I tell you it on almost a daily basis)
2) People who can't pronounce my name
3) People who can't spell my name
4) People who use alternate spellings of my name without confirming the correct one (my name has 3 alternate spellings)
I get that all the time because of my European surname, I mean how hard can it be to pronounce Echsteinlefahrtengruber? With my Serbian wife I can understand it, Grzplstcknfltmrzovic can be a bit of a mouthful the first time you see it, but anyone should be able to get my name right.
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Grzplstcknfltmrzovic
Good lord, that needs about 3-5 more vowels. Or a Kleenex.
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Here's the problem: the person who takes your order is not the person who delivers your order. There needs to be some way for server A to identify you to server B. Possible solutions:
Assign a number to customer, and expect customer to answer to that number. Problems: depersonalizing, customers forget their numbers, "thirteen" sounds like "thirty"
Let the customer assign an identifier for his order, providing some illusion of personal service. Problems: customer identifier may be confusing, customers may
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Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Funny)
They tried that, but the customers all fought for ticket number 7.
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Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Funny)
I am not a number, I am a free man.
Oops, my bad, I forgot we're talking about somewhere in the USA.
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Sadly the Socialist Slave Number has taken away that freedom :-/
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Its hillarious to spend a weekend with folks from actual oppressed countries who are here on asylum and then cap the weekend with self-entitled slashdotters whining about how bad we have it here in the US.
Dont worry about the fresh shot of perspective, its on the house.
Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:4, Insightful)
Doing better then an oppressed country does not mean we are doing well.
That's kind of a low bar.
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I see "cold fjord" in your handle. Does that refer to the /. kook of the same name?
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What do the Village People have to do with this? Is it fun to work at the old CIA?
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They didn't like that their days were numbered.
Re:What's so hard about using the time-honored (Score:5, Insightful)
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They should have one of the little mics in their sleeves like the secret service, and every time someone orders, they can raise their wrist to their mouth and whisper the order while looking all serious. The baristas will nod as they receive the order in their headset, and say "roger".
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I am not a number. I am a person!
Be seeing you.
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They tried that but they had to add a a one time pad [wikipedia.org] and people got random drinks
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but then they have an ID NUMBER! NUMBER OF THE BEAST!!! attached to them.
i think the whole thing just sounds like a starbucks advert mixed with some agent mysticism shit. the fuckers ARE GOING TO USE some name when they go to a real star bucks while "undercover".
and while at base, they could just make their own damn coffee.. wouldn't have to worry about people spiking it up.
nevermind that almost all other places than starbucks manage just fine without names.. and in fact, the starbucks outside USA manage j
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Number six your order is ready.
I am not a number, I am a free man!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_Six_%28The_Prisoner%29
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The disadvantage of using ticket numbers is that they are usually sequential and only differ from the next or previous order by one or two characters at the most. With names the likelyhood of having identical first and last name is pretty tiny, and even when it does happen it would probably standout to the worker because it is an unusual circumstance. For keeping things easily and clearly seperate, names, even if they are fake, make much more sense.
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Mine is what. When the repeat it i saw yes. Then they look confused and i say what the fuck is the difference its just a damn coffe i could get anywhere else for one fifth the price so what is my name.
Typical Government Hypocracy (Score:5, Insightful)
Yet the government (FBI) objects to our desires for privacy (Apple & Google on-phone encryption).
Re:Typical Government Hypocracy (Score:5, Funny)
Ah, but they know why they want their privacy, and are concerned that you might want yours for the same sorts of purposes.
Re:Typical Government Hypocracy (Score:5, Interesting)
Talk about hyperbole. No, operational security isn't a concern for even those at CIA Starbucks on a daily basis. The reason they don't like names or number tickers or anything else that could directly or indirectly produce a pattern that can track their actions because they're so very aware of how everyone else not part of their system is or can be directly or indirectly tracked through a pattern of their actions. Although I guess if the Chinese and Russians are doing the same thing as part of their systems, it's not wholly unwarranted to think they may end up being tracked.
It's not rampant paranoia because everyone really is trying to get them? No, it's still really rampant paranoia. The thought they they might (1) engage in some top secret op under a variety of aliases, (2) use another series of aliases with their Starbucks coffee, and (3) it's (2) that's the linchpin on how they were secretly poisoned or whatever is absurd. Why? Because (a) it's unlikely they'll be adequately tracked through operation (1), (b) even if they were it's unlikely they'd choose CIA Starbucks as the source of their plan to kill you, (c) even if they did, they don't need to rely upon an alias on a cup to determine it's your drink when your drink may well be unique enough, the person to poison you will likely verify it's actually you before adding the mix to the drink, and there's literally hundreds of ways to kill you that are less obvious (a name on a cup of a prominent dead person looks suspicious as would a tracking number if it's loudly spoken at any point) if you're trying to quietly assassinate a person.
No, this is all about some pretend thing in their heads that they're special enough to kill and yet smart enough to be hidden. The truth is most people are aware of how unimportant they are as a target and don't even attempt to hide themselves. But even those who try don't generally blend in very long--and by standards of the CIA, very long would be the rest of your natural life. The CIA/NSA/FBI all take advantage of this, have a certain level of loathing of the "sheep", and don't want to be placed into the same category because it fundamentally goes against their feelings of superiority of not being so "stupid".
Honestly, "operational security", "ongoing investigation", and "national security" are the words of cowards more often than a real and meaningful thing used to actual protect the populace at large. And I should know as an Anonymous Coward, right?
*Captcha: botulism
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No, this is all about some pretend thing in their heads that they're special enough to kill and yet smart enough to be hidden. The truth is most people are aware of how unimportant they are as a target and don't even attempt to hide themselves.
Do you think that journalists and aid workers are so unimportant as to not be targets? It seems that ISIS disagrees with you.
Jihadi John: FBI 'identifies' Isis militant who 'beheaded' British aid worker David Haines and US journalists James Foley and Steven Sotloff [independent.co.uk]
If they can be targets, why not CIA/NSA/FBI officers?
And it isn't just an overseas threat.
Oklahoma Beheading Suspect Shared Photos of Himself Giving ISIS Salute [breitbart.com]
The CIA/NSA/FBI all take advantage of this, have a certain level of loathing of the "sheep", and don't want to be placed into the same category because it fundamentally goes against their feelings of superiority of not being so "stupid".
Maybe what it actually goes against is their attachment to their head?
Honestly, "operational security", "ongoing investigation", and "national security" are the words of cowards more often than a real and meaningful thing used to actual protect the populace at large. And I should know as an Anonymous Coward, right?
Even though th
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Journalists and aid workers in a war zone are about as far as you can get from a bunch of federal employees working for the CIA at the pentagon. Those people that ISIS has beheaded on video weren't picked because of what they were doing, they were just easy to find, capture, and killing them gets a rise out of the civilized world.
If anyone at the pentagon thinks they work there secretly they are fools. All you'd have to do to determine who works there is set up a series of hidden cameras to capture plate nu
Re:Typical Government Hypocracy (Score:5, Insightful)
Foreign states might try to coerce, corrupt, or disappear you?
No, as an American citizen, my own government might try . . .
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Well... as somebody who is both a) not an american and b) a former employee of my countries government... the answer is YES
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Really? Operational security is a concern for you on a daily basis? Foreign states might try to coerce, corrupt, or disappear you?
Forget about foreign states, U.S. citizens are much more likely to suffer any of those from their own government.
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Or, could it possible be, finally in spite of all evidence to the contrary, that those CIA torture freaks are finally feeling some sense of shame for the perverse behaviour. I wonder how recruiting is going?
Re:Typical Government Hypocracy (Score:5, Funny)
Hypocracy? That's awful. I'd hate to be ruled by hypos.
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Well, we've tried the elephants and the donkeys so far. I don't see how the hypos would be any worse.
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...are you thinking of hippos?
Although I have to admit a hippocracy sounds freakin' awesome.
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Knob!
Yeah So? (Score:3, Insightful)
News for nerds = Nope.
Stuff that matter: = Negatory.
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Yeah, this is a pretty pointless article, and the same stuff is talked about in every CIA TV documentary and news article anyway.
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European style is to sit at a table and be served by a waiter.
Ever been to an Italian espresso bar?
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Never have been asked for my name in any other coffeeshop than starbucks.
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Re:Yeah So? (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, just watch out for the one who asks for Kim Philby.
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Aldrich Ames, Jonathan Pollard, Alger Hiss, Benedict Arnold, Julia Child.
Don't forget Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Chelsea Manning. And Chuck Barris.
Well they can be like rest area places where name (Score:2)
Well they can be like rest area places where it has the name but other stuff in under control of a overall vendor.
If not for that then the Manger will have to answer to Starbucks and not the CIA.
uh... which starbucks is this? (Score:3)
my local SB even if they know you by name (I have long histories with a lot of coffee shops around here, most of them know me by name and how I like my coffee), none of them write names on cups. They all, for large orders (more than 4 cups) write what's actually in the cups.
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It started a year or two ago IIRC. Basically many starbucks ask for your name, and write it on the cup. That way you know the venti cappuccino is indeed for you, and not the guy next to you. (They also write the order)
I travel a lot and I've had the fortune of going to many starbucks, globally. I'd say maybe 50% use names, but it hasn't been implemented everywhere.
Why do they even have a Starbucks? (Score:2)
Regular coffee is too cheap for them?
Re: Why do they even have a Starbucks? (Score:4, Funny)
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I think you meant St. Petersburg, FL. Many of the cafes sort of treat coffee as an afterthought rather than specializing in it. A cafe is often more of a restaurant. There are some locally run coffee places that are fairly decent, however
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Uh huh. Americans suck at coffee. That is why there are 100s of Starbucks in the UK with LINES OUT THE DOOR.
Actually, Americans do suck at coffee. And Starbucks isn't helping, serving up fattened brewed charcoal water in pretentiously-named servings at ridiculous prices.
Then there's US Navy coffee, reputed to be too corrosive for use as battery acid.
It's mostly that Americans just drink so much coffee. And suck even worse at tea.
You can find decent coffee in the USA. it's just more of a challenge than you'd expect, considering. Then again, we invented McDonalds, too.
Until Starbucks came along, though, we really d
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Until Starbucks came along, though, we really didn't even pretend very hard to have good coffee.
That's not strictly true, at least not in some big cities and college towns that had decent coffee shops pre-Starbucks. It was really quite sad where I was living at the time when Starbucks came to town and basically started taking over spots that used to be indy coffee shops. Sure, not all of them were great, but they were generally better than Starbucks... Which frankly is terrible. Even if they had decent coffee, I wouldn't prefer to go there because of the pretentious BS of it all. No, I don't find
Sounds like hands-on training (Score:2)
Maybe it's to give undercover agents in training some semi-real-world experience with giving false names with confidence?
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Correct answer should be - use a code name.
Or just change the way of working - give a number. Today I'm number 42.
Store # 1? (Score:3)
I thought that was a Pike's Place in Seattle?
I hope visiting SIS oficers (Score:3)
What undercover agents are these? (Score:2)
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If they're tottering about in CIA HQ, then I suspect neither are any of these people.
Traffic engineering (Score:3)
I can actually understand this - suppose I was an agent and I made up a random name, like 'Polly-O string cheese'. If I used it consistently, a spy for the other side could do traffic analysis - things like " 'Polly-O string cheese' always gets a coffee, except for 2 recent periods of about a week each. Suspected agent X was reported as being in country Y, an ally of ours, during those 2 periods, and at no other time. Next time 'Polly-O string cheese' doesn't get a coffee, if X is in country Y, get the Y state security to arrest him.
If I were agent X, I would be very nervous at having to give any name, even if I could make one up each time. Humans are not very good at making up random things...
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I can actually understand this - suppose I was an agent and I made up a random name, like 'Polly-O string cheese'. If I used it consistently, a spy for the other side could do traffic analysis - things like " 'Polly-O string cheese' always gets a coffee, except for 2 recent periods of about a week each. Suspected agent X was reported as being in country Y, an ally of ours, during those 2 periods, and at no other time. Next time 'Polly-O string cheese' doesn't get a coffee, if X is in country Y, get the Y state security to arrest him.
If I were agent X, I would be very nervous at having to give any name, even if I could make one up each time. Humans are not very good at making up random things...
If a nefarious entity has access to detailed records of what names are written on the plastic cups, as an intelligence agency you're already well-screwed.
Y'know, I wonder if they scrub the money involved for DNA before handing it over to the clerks...
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That only works if you give a consistent code name.
Act random style and you will confuse even the best statistician.
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Your entire attack vector is obviated by the fact that these people are probably mostly paying with plastic. If so, you have their real names anyway. Attack there rather than some esoteric sampling attack based on the analysis of called names.
Besides, if you're going so deep into pattern analysis that you fear the effects of calling a pseudorandom name, I *guarantee* you there are better identifier proxies... most notably time of day/order type correlation, which is likely to be far more stable and restrict
gold star card (Score:2)
I'm a little surprised that they don't accept the rewards cards.
Why not have it randomly select a Starbucks store ID from the POS every time it processes a transaction at that location?
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Another intresting fact: My (europa based) rewards card was sent by international mail from Seattle. But is not accepted in the united states.
Bond (Score:3)
James Bond. And I'll take that shaken, not stirred.
What was I thinking? I'll just send Moneypenny down to fetch the coffee.
The CIA are one of the 'boys' now? (Score:2)
Let's not lose sight of the fact that they're mostly psychopathic mercenaries and murderers -- on behalf of Big Bucks, not Starbucks.
Phase Three (Score:2)
Is this connected with the transition from Phase Two to Phase Three? Presumably it must have helped with recruitment:
"Though the coffee chain's specific plans are not known, existing Starbucks franchises across the nation have been locked down with titanium shutters across all windows. In each coffee shop's door hangs the familiar Starbucks logo, slightly altered to present the familiar mermaid figure as a cyclopean mermaid whose all-seeing eye forms the apex of a world-spanning pyramid...Remaining Starbuck
loyalty programs... (Score:3, Insightful)
Capacity planning (Score:4, Interesting)
"Because the campus is a highly secured island, few people leave for coffee, and the lines, both in the morning and mid-afternoon, can stretch down the hallway."
What a waste of time and resources!
For a group of people who likes to give the impression they are all super geniuses (and by extension deserve X 100 billion a year in funding), I would expect at least one person could have done some capacity planning and figured out how big the Starbucks need to be for that location. How about some accountability? Fire the person who planned this coffee shop. His/her mistakes cost the country the hourly rate of each person in line * the time they waste standing around.
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If they were smart enough to figure that out then they would probably just make their coffee flavored milkshakes at home and put it in a thermos. Or get one of those single cup coffee machines.
Pff (Score:2)
2) You take the supervisor to the basement and put one in his ear. Also duh. God damn are we running an intelligence agency or a kindergarden?
A coffee shop name (Score:2)
I started using the name 'Bob' at the local Starbucks because of the pronunciation issue, not to mention I am a wee bit paranoid.
Just because I am paranoid DOESN'T mean they aren't after me.
If they have nothing to hide... (Score:2)
then they have nothing to worry about!
This is news? (Score:2)
So you're telling me that "security" people are self-important asshats? Who knew?
CIA food court (Score:2)
I've had lunch there, and it is pretty surreal how they have this normal mall food court in the middle of one of the most secure places on the planet.
But I guess everyone needs a slice from Shapiro pizza now and again.
bucks (Score:2)
names happen ... (Score:2)
I don't even drink coffee, but when I go with other people, there are plenty of coffee shops out there (some Starbucks, some not) that ask for your name.
It stands out to me, because one of my co-workers ends up with 'Richard' on his cup, because he doesn't want to waste 5 min repeating his name and then trying to tell them how to spell it.
Re:Treasonous CIA gets more taxpayer money (Score:5, Informative)
Not to interfere with your nascent flame-war or anything but "self-funding" is not inconsistent with "getting more taxpayer money". First, they may get larger appropriations while at the same time running side businesses. Second, even if their appropriation were cut to zero, any money they make on the side becomes "taxpayer money."
One of the most fundamental principles of our form of government is that no executive branch agency can spend money without Congressional approval, no matter where that money came from. The reasons for this go back to the English Civil War. Charles I attempted to rule without calling Parliament, but since the Magna Carta English kings did not have the power of taxation; the House of Commons did. So Charles attempted an end-run by exploiting a fee that had been traditionally levied on coastal towns to pay for maritime protection in time of war. Charles's attempt to use "Ship Money" as a revenue source independent of Parliament was one of the key events leading to the Civil War, and was familiar history to the framers of the US Constitution.
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A minute or two, actually.
Tap previous grounds into a knock-box, rinse portafilter, grind beans, tamp them down, draw espresso shots, steam milk, style a love heart in the froth.
That's just for a caffe latte. The slow pour-over filter coffee nerds rave about is an art form that takes a while...