Spam as Poetry

ayahner writes "My spam filter receives about 500/wk, and within those frisky messages, among the pulp and porn, comes some pretty daring poetry. So instead of simply removing the spam, I have decided to peruse my spam library and use the best to spur my creative energies. Do any /. members have their own favorites? I have compiled a few of my own, and expect to add many more over the next few weeks as a creativity exercise. All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification. Some of them are nonsense. Others are real text of spam, delivering their message. When combined, they tend to form semi-articulate sentences. I see a virtual e.e. cummings here, an occasional Shakespeare there."

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Spam Poetry Contests

[dealsites]

Wow, who would have thought spam poetry was this popular. Do you think sites like this and contests like this do anything to encourage spam? All it takes is one encouraging thing from spam to make the spammers feel good. Why feed thier ego and dirty practices?

--
Real-time updates from all the major deal sites: http://www.dealsites.net/livedeals.html [dealsites.net]

Re:Spam Poetry Contests

[Hatta]

Ok, ignore what I said above, I found two previous /. articles:

You see that key next to the '=' key? Yeah, the one labeled "backspace". It comes in handy in these situations.

Re:Spam Poetry Contests

[sploxx]

It is next to the '-key on my german keyboard, you insensitive clod! ;)

Re:Spam Poetry Contests

[maxwell demon]

The white flag? Is that the surrender key?

I actually...

[Digitus1337]

I actually got a message title "HOT E.E. CUMMINGS POETRY ACTION!" That one took me by suprise.

Re:I actually...

[lukewarmfusion]

When you opened the message, did it feature the goatse-footed balloon man?

Re:I actually...

[shanen]

> I actually got a message title "HOT E.E. CUMMINGS POETRY ACTION!"
> That one took me by suprise.

Obviously a fake. The real ee cummings had no key.

Re:I actually...

[AlphaPB]

E.E. Cummings actually did write some erotic poetry. I hate to take bits of Cummings out of context, but here's an example that looks like it was taken out of a naughty IRC channel or auto-generated spam email:

cheery-nose square pash eyes splut

tering warench ofscarlet on right-breast legs
monumentally aPart
(Girl)flagstuck in her breasts. she bent her neck and bit It
jam mingIt deeper--pink--complexion tooth gone left side red
we epingeye s CHUBBY

Sorry that there's no way to reproduce the original types

Can I try?

[r_glen]

My spam filter [gets] 500 a week,
and within those frisky messages,
I have compiled a few of my own... to
form semi-articulate sentences.

IANAL but....

[sglane81]

I think you guys are crazy for putting a list like that together. Such blatent copyright infringment... I'm sure the lawyers of these wonderful spam companies will have a field day on this.

tongue firmly in cheek

Re:Can I try?

[CoolVibe]

Penis enlargements
with some herbal viagra
I get lots of these

What is poetry?

[mozumder]

At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry.. Show that poetry to a million people and it has to mean something to some of them, right?

Someone should also create a list of all the websites that take dictionaries and randomly combines them to form meaning..

Re:What is poetry?

[frankthechicken]

At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry..

I actually believe that this is how Mr. David Bowie wrote a few of his songs.

Though I believe beat poets such as Bryon Gysin [getyouroj.com] and William Burroughs were pioneers of the cut-up method, where they basically chopped up other texts and then arranged the words randomly to try and create a form of poetry.

Not always the most succesful of methods, but led to some pretty fantastic works.

Dadaism is Poetry

[MaddJackKidd]

Actually, as far as I know, Dadaism [wikipedia.org] and Tristan Tzara [wikipedia.org] came up with the idea of cut-up poetry. Though I can not find the text online, I once read a "How-To Write Dadaist Poetry" that recommended cutting a newspaper article of the desired length into seperate words, placing them in a bag, shaking it up, then pulling words out of the bag and writing down the words in the order they come out. Using this technique, I wrote Egging [geocities.com].

Re:Dadaism is Poetry

[benna]

Its interesting you should mention dadaism. In the obsenity trial of lawrence ferlinghetti in which he was being prosicuted for publishing Allen Ginsberg's great poem "howl" [venus.co.uk] one of the governments two expert witenesses claimed that the poem was a tribute to dadaism. Now, im no expert but i dont think "howl" [venus.co.uk] was created by randomly selecting words from a newspaper article.

Re:What is poetry?

[Anonymous Coward]

At this point you could probably combine random words from a dictionary and call it poetry..

I actually believe that this is how Mr. David Bowie wrote a few of his songs.

I find it's always useful, when the subject of Bowie-as-serious-artiste comes up, to recall the tour of 1990, when fans were invited to vote for the songs they wanted to hear performed live "for the last time". A movement began (with cheerleading from one of the music papers) to sway the voting massively in favour of "Laughing Gnome".

Re:What is poetry?

[PetWolverine]

Check out Darwinian Poetry [codeasart.com].

It gives you two "poems" at a time to read and consider. You vote for one, and the ones that get the most votes are "bred" to form the next generation.

Re:What is poetry?

[x0n]

Jamie "JWZ" Zawinksi (of Netscape dadadodo. It can come up with some pretty funny stuff, he also talks about Boroughs "cut up" theory. - Oisin

skinny puppy

[WormholeFiend]

Have you ever listened to a Skinny Puppy *fingerquote* song *fingerquote*?

Here's a few examples:

Harsh Stone White
harsh stone white eyes behold bruise baths soak crying bones every
days appeal to stop spirit calm on valium hate permeates and fills the air
icy clouds the atmosphere illusions pull hair no reaction how was
this done it exists by extraction of reason drooling drips the bile
of sanity through the thought lines vomiting were even the clock wailed
and sped past two tic tic toc in time in the real understanding myself thinking
stand back unafraid and unaffected stand back non molested were
even down down down again down here in the cracks face hidden cracks
harsh stone white even were even

Worlock
binge cringe on the fringe sloppy mincing eyedropping biopsy cyclops overlooks
optic options rotton showstopper skinpopper babbler dabbler
self confessed criminal tore pen in vain instant still spellbound game
stock talk back rock reencounter incident subsistance inexistant
non committed unwitted oblivious habitual resistor buff the stuff roughed
up edge fluent nudge pre-collect ignition motivation inexistant wasted
views thats all they see blue hot blood guild optic nerve with the right attitude
you will succed blue self abusive recluse too late for me make
shifting peace settling crazy things keep your eyes open soft spoken
changes nothing a view so cruel dogs body comatose torchlight roast
disinterest disinfect retold impressed by possession insiders know
refresh detained contest off and pure sure tonight it feeds itself
freeze in time or shadows climb distracting override instincts
evolve and try over and over wasted truth why call at all blue hot lines
eventual decline with the right attitude you will succed blue resent
that discontent sidestep define the state of things so far crazy
things a view so cruel

Duckman

[quinkin]

Anyone else remember Ajax the beat poet?

My favourite:

Lamp, Bedside bright, Careful.
Closing closet clothing shoehorn.
Salad dropping, Topping. Alive.

Seven sevenths slowly sifting, Careful.
Polish baba did, Drift, Drift.
Dancing ice in enamel chowder, Did.

Q.

sonic youth

[commodoresloat]

The lyrics below are from Sonic Youth's song "I'm Insane." The song is made up completely of titles of 1950s pulp fiction books strung together. It's a great song :) This mode of writing -- influenced heavily by William S. Burroughs' cut-up experiments (as well as stuff done by the Surrealists) has always fascinated me; it's like a supernatural voice that speaks through the detritus of the mass media .... Check it out:

"I'm Insane":

Love starved backwood teaser farm girl hot eyed bride
stone cold blonde

looks like...

[chachob]

the spammers have succeeded in....oh wait.

Outside the Inbox

[404notfound]

This is reminiscent of the Outside the Inbox [bradsucks.net] music compliation project.

Jumbler!

[mythosaz]

Most of my spam, recently, has been coming through a jumbler [stevesachs.com]. Lucky me.

Cilck here to get your vairga delrieved oevr the ienenrtt. No prstpocirien rireueqd!

Re:Jumbler!

[BW_Nuprin]

You know, IANASFP (Spam Filter Programmer), but I wonder if they could use that same technique AGAINST spam... if instead of flaging "Click" it flagged "5 letter word, starts with C, ends with K, contains I, L, and C, it would catch many mispellings. Of course, it could backfire in other cases, but its a thought maybe.

Re:Jumbler!

[RedWizzard]

Simply test all messages against a regular dictionary and flag anything with too high a percentage of misspellings as probable spam.

Re:Jumbler!

[BW_Nuprin]

Nah, that wouldn't work, my friend Marty can't spell to save his life, but I don't want his e-mail blocked because of it. He should prolly get a spell checker, though.

Re:Jumbler!

[Nasarius]

That's where whitelists come in handy :)

Re:Jumbler!

[aardvarkjoe]

Maybe something along the same lines of using a Bayesian filter for words could help. Your friend (and most of us) may misspell things, but I bet that there are patterns to how he does so. By training it on a bunch of messages, you could find the patterns.

For instance, I commonly see spam now with punctuation randomly inserted into words -- presumably to defeat Bayesian filters which generally work on a full-word basis. However, I never receive real mail with that characteristic -- so it seems like an o

Re:Jumbler!

[Rie Beam]

You just killed 1337. Gee, thanks.

Re:Jumbler!

[RedWizzard]

Gee, thanks.

I hope you mean that sincerely.

Re:Jumbler!

[FattMattP]

That'll put an end to the daily email of new articles from Slashdot.

Re:Jumbler!

[wik]

Here's one I've been saving, just because it's rather amusing. As a whole, it doesn't make sense, but the mental images are fun.

From: "Roxanne Tate"
Subject: this site helped me save money Fr0c

Most shadows believe that satellite defined by pee on particle accelerator around. Any mating ritual can recognize cyprus mulch behind marzipan, but it takes a real bubble to light bulb of judge. If apartment building toward boogie near briar patch, then piroshki beyond reads a magazine. Most impresarios believe that gypsy around fetishist secretly admire cream puff related to reactor.Whenyou see paycheck defined by fighter pilot, it means that shadow inside diskette feels nagging remorse.piroshki remain resplendent.

Sublime Seminal

[soloport]

Wow! That one actually made me feel the urge to enlarge my chin! I couldn't explain the feeling, it was just there. When I read it again, the feeling just got stronger.

Then it dawned on me. There's like a hidden message within the text. Can you make it out? It's there if you look hard enough. I'm sure of it.

male improver, satisfies both partners

[HughsOnFirst]

Class an left back. Warm tail star following.

Plain lady step story told. Write news middle modern does chief was got.

Stood end street word weight spot desire fix. Paid dream eight although wish.

Thick was move heavy who.

[HughsOnFirst]

Scraped off of a few spams, these all seem to come from the same source and have the same odd formating. Some of them are crying out to be set to music.

Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.

Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.

Boys lead only throw press soil through thrown after road six. Iron could trust set held usual. Carry anger animals dance return stand six.

Morning bottle see often spoke. An ready wet try meet gather ago branch fill trade clean. Measure lay wagon suffer journey made.

Sometimes somnambulist about trembles, but wheelbarrow related to curse always plan an escape from dahlia about umbrella!A few pockets, and defined by impresario) to arrive at a state of insurance agentWhen you see over impresario, it means that of short order cook self-flagellates.Doug and I took behind fundraiser (with about snow, living with hydrogen atom.

Sometimes avocado pit over gets stinking drunk, but living with widow always bestow great honor upon line dancer toward!Unlike so many maestros who have made their womanly pocket to us.

bubbles remain smelly.Indeed, stalactite living with power drill a change of heart about stalactite over asteroid.around eggplant seek from carpet tack.girls remain snooty.Now and then, living with oil filter give secret financial aid to class action suit defined by.He called her Donovan (or was it Donovan?).

When inside squid daydreams, for demon reads a magazine.

If crank case toward starlet buy an expensive gift for ribbon for microscope, then defined by pork chop prays.He called her Foster (or was it Foster?).When you see living with corporation, it means that beyond hockey player gets stinking drunk.

Unlike so many taxidermists who have made their infected rattlesnake to us.

Full sign laugh serve direct join began something best. Electric caught smell ridden led there night cloth. Into sometimes wonder success cool advance hole. Wise whether saturday hurry gate walk. Double once walk various nine return height.

Blow black promise bag against cold believe famous seat no. Far drink around gain. Met while movement three so life i along joy toward.

Hello pain but low. Movement class sing miles count notice arrive army next. Easy follow means lone play hole tail divide another body form. Sign many animal arms likr aunt voice important ring. Worth wore deep fish stone still hand probably new.

Box wait fruit wall poor right of ago the raise. Can gives west many sugar face bean winter therefore.

Wagon blow noon oil. Except food always were other follow push field fail. Again first country valley october. Thick was move heavy who.

Taken ill for poor member. She news fence anger class receive gray stick idea. Yard her oil row tought place. Am count share instead i warm settle cover.

stolen from Satirewire's SPAM poetry contest

[7Ghent]

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters,
He restoreth my credit and consolidateth my debts,
For as little as $1,750,
If I act now.

Re:stolen from Satirewire's SPAM poetry contest

[Anonymous Coward]

Ah, you really have to include the link to the whole thing; its hysterical.

It's The 23rd Spam and the link is here [satirewire.com]

Would you like to joining the band Kiss?

[k4_pacific]

My favorite Spam, though not poetry, from 665:

http://www.sixsixfive.com/87.html [sixsixfive.com]

Beware of sue-happy spammers

[bsdbigot]

If you're not careful, some of these spammers might try to sue you for copyright infringement!

yeah.

[abscondment]

I expect universities to start issuing degrees in English with a Spam option now.

I won't settle for anything less.

There was a young man from...

[NewtonsLaw]

There was a young man from Alabama
Who had attrocious grammar
His poetry stunk
So he did a bunk
And works in Florida as a spamer. ...waits for applause... not a sausage :-(

I once got an actual stanza...

[ejito]

The email had nothing else in the body except some seemingly random words.

anger swordclash protest.

it scatters, resounding handsom myserie.
incarnate bents bullion
quack scorch.

I assumed it was a virus, or a spambot, but I couldn't tell as nothing else was inside the email. It came from a random spamming domain name, but why wasn't there an ad in it? I'm too lazy to solve the mystery.

Re:I once got an actual stanza...

[Johnathon_Dough]

I have been getting these alot lately, they seem to always get by all spam filters in their way. I don't understand either, some of the gibberish is getting quite long.

My only thought is that it is some sort of thingy that works with outlook. I have no idea what that would be, but it shows up as giberish in OSX mail, PowerMail and thunderbird. I have managed to never launch outlook, or entourage for that matter, and have no plans too. My PC is an internet virgin, and will remain so.

Re:I once got an actual stanza...

[mhesseltine]

I assumed it was a virus, or a spambot, but I couldn't tell as nothing else was inside the email. It came from a random spamming domain name, but why wasn't there an ad in it? I'm too lazy to solve the mystery.

I think the intent is for spammers to have those random words get worked into Bayesian filters. The logic being

1. Get random dictionary words into filters.
2. Have people's normally effective filters become sources of false positives.
3. People get tired of false positives and turn of Bayesian filters.
4. Spammers start getting spam back into mailboxes.
5. Profit.

Spoetry is all the rage

[Sailor Coruscant]

This article [smh.com.au] appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald on May 1st. It contains several spoems written by the author, as well as a nice breakdown of the various percentages of spam types he receives.

I've seen these sorts of poems appearing alot on blogs recently. Even tried my hand at it when I had half an hour to spare. It's good fun. Of course, being a girl, most of my spam is about penis enlargements (twice nothing is still nothing people!), but some of the more random spams make for interesting poetry.

My match.com spam video

[daviddennis]

I created a little humour piece on penis enlargement ads as my match.com video. Of course they never posted it - I fear it violated their guidelines, which is a pity since I think a lot of people would have gotten a laugh out of it.

Here it is, all 9mb of it [amazing.com].
(Warning: No X-rated content - just a joke. You have been warned).

It took me two hours, concept to completion, which just goes to show that sometimes it's nice to have a Canon XL1 and Final Cut Pro lying around ready to use :-).

Hope you enjoy :-)

D

Re:Spoetry is all the rage

[PsiPsiStar]

Well, clitoris enlargement then.

Hell, viagra works on women too. Ya never know.

Re:Spoetry is all the rage

[Hatta]

Somehow, I don't think spelling ability is the limiting factor in how much penis a female recieves.

My favorite so far:

[Jerf]

In the title, "What makes a sock a diabetic sock?"

Uhh, diabetes?

Re:My favorite so far:

[Jerf]

Hey, good call. I just assumed it was fake.

Although if I recall correctly, it was actually a Viagra scam!

Vogons are sending spam?

[kevn]

Have you been recieving spam from Vogon.com? That is some bad poetry. kvn

Here's one from me:

[thdexter]

Spam detection software
original message has been attached to this

Content preview: G-Spot Facials ... Wet Messy Gushiing Orgasm Facials

Full length Gushing videos... ...with sound !!!

BODY: Possible porn
BODY: Razor2
Subject
Subject
Subject
Subject has many exclamations.

*bows*

Spam Haiku

[murderlegendre]

Increase your penis Your mate deserves more from you Viagra for less!

That's OK, I guess...

[PCM2]

...but let's not forget the other kind of SPAM poetry. [spamhaiku.com]

Humerous NPR segment

[Anonymous Coward]

The topic of filter-avoiding-spam-as-poetry received a humerous treatment on NPR a couple of months ago.

http://www.npr.org/features/feature.php?wfId=17612 26 [npr.org]

trinomial whipsnake

[kisrael]

"Regretful Of Having Little Diccky? Hahha trinomial whipsnake"
--Subject line of spam from "Kandis Teena". I don't know what a trinomial whipsnake is, and can only guess how it ties into having a "Little Diccky", but it certainly has an air of menace about it.

Come to think of it, "Trinomial Whipsnake" wouldn't be a terrible name for a band.

Best one I've gotten yet

[mat catastrophe]

X-UIDL:
X-Mozilla-Status: 0001
X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000
Return-Path:
Received: from mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxx.net ([10.20.201.230]) by mtao01.xxxxxxx.net (InterMail vM.6.00.05.02 201-2115-109-103-20031105) with ESMTP id ;
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:24:29 -0400
Received: from (200-181-094-068.bsace705.dsl.brasiltelecom.net.br [200.181.94.68])
by mxsf30.cluster1.xxxxxxx.net (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id i3GLF5Fw053380;
Fri, 16 Apr 2004 17:15:08 -0400 (EDT)
Message-ID:
From: "Thom15"
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2004 18:18:55 -0300
To:
Subject: With CD Cheap you are the Winner! yesterday bunnies
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1

stubble relent standardly scrolls reversely
warrant prosecutor Richey units cousin
temperate rectums concubine novel tinniness
Valerie obedience disparity carbonate audiogram
incubated propounds carters mightiest Wyandotte
Melanesia reloads Tories paraffin brazing
Ple@se review our today's great offer [cdsportal.net] elevated parrot honorarium urgings outvoting
denseness damsel attracted coarse supersedes
relabel Millie endurance carves asphyxia
packaged avidly block recurring Sutton
tinniest validation veers vagrantly addresses
shudder Stirling fragments munitions together
tracings diplomas deadness Sigmund graspingly
ensured wheel blackest eminently sagebrush

Sorry, no poetry here

[Anonvmous Coward]

Well, I'm sorry, I haven't seen any poetic spam. So I figured I'd tell you all about an interesting unsolicited message I did recieve one day. I opened a message from Hillary Rosen, and it said "We have detected that you are using Kazaa on your computer to download illegal music. Your IP address and ISP account info have been forwarded to the FBI. You can expect a knock on your door within the next two weeks. ... We'll settle for $1,000 if you click on this link.."

Yeah, not poetry, sorry. (I won't whine if modded off-topic.) But I did find it to be a relatively clever scam given that the timing was around the height of the RIAA's threats to sue people.

Re:Sorry, no poetry here

[Artifakt]

If Spam based on the RIAA actions becomes as common as the Nigerian scam, there are going to be some people taken in by it. Hello, RIAA - not only are you getting (deserved, IMHO) negative publicity for your own choices, looks like you're about to get a bunch more you didn't even earn.

Obligatory...

[lancomandr]

In Soviet Russia, penises enlarge you!

Re:Obligatory...

[NoData]

In Soviet Russia, penises enlarge you!

Hmm...For women, I think this is true the world over.

NPR commentary

[bpfinn]

I heard a commentary on NPR by Andrei Codrescu a few weeks ago about spam as poetry [npr.org]. He said some of his dada-ist/nonsensical poet friends were jealous of the spam poetry.

bums get job titles too?

[waspleg]

rimshot

disclaimer: i'm a bum BUT making up nonsensical poetry is lame. unless it's set to music, then it's Beck, and beck is awesome.

Not Bayes Avoidance ..

[hbo]

.. but the result of a malaprop automatic language translation. This came complete with a virus laden attachment:

Watched the demonstrative preview of the scherzetto " Spiral-fantastic "

then

you start the application that virtually you distoglie the sight from
the images common in order to deform all I have there that watched
subsequently for 1-2 min.

Truly fantastic, it sure deserves to make to turn the knowing friends
and.

You do not have fear, is only an innocent game that has but its
unexpected implication

Taken out of context...

[GarfBond]

I saw this in my spam, and couldn't help but save it. It's only one line though, the rest of the "poem" wasn't all that interesting.

Better to be safe than.. punch a 5th grader.

Truly insightful words.

Re:Taken out of context...

[0racle]

I dunno there's some kids around here I'm about ready to shoot, they have every damn car that drives by honking because of some stupid hockey game, and it goes on for hours before and after into the night. I'd like to kill those damn kids and every one who honks.

This is another wonderful example

[lancomandr]

of how easy it is for people to pull poetry out of their asses. I think its interesting when someone hurls globs of paint at a canvas and a week later they're receiving acclaim for the "masterpiece" that is being displayed in a major art gallery. No one said art had to be hard but its definition has broadened to the point that theres almost no line between it and nonsense. Granted, this in particular is more for fun than anything else, but it drives me crazy to see everyone stand back in wonder when some te

Re:This is another wonderful example

[peawee03]

The reason they're in the art gallery is because they have the idea to push that off as art. If you came around and did that, and actively promoted it as art, I'm sure you too would end up in a gallery. Point is, you most likely haven't (either that, or you are in the art gallery for something that took more than five minutes with a paint can). It's art in an artistic sence simply because of the artist's audacity to actually do that.

Same ways to say the same thing

[Peter Cooper]

Spam always surprises me in its ability to say the same thing in different ways to avoid the filters. No, I'm not talking about the billions of ways to spell viagra with h4ck3r text, but actual nouns and metaphors.

For example, I know 'lay some pipe' wasn't in the common online lexicon before spam popularized the term (although it does date back some way). The latest one I've seen is 'expand your waterway', which is a pretty unique twist on 'enlarge your penis', I must say.

Any other bizarre, but understandable, metaphors, similies, or noun substitutions?

poetry from spam?

[Anonymous Coward]

All I ever got was a longer, wider penis.

My September 11 story

[ccdconfig]

I got a spam on 9/11:

Subject: Tired of all this terrorism shit?

Come watch our girls take massive cocks.

http://.....

Don't encorage these fuckers.

[autopr0n]

Poetry spam? I'd rather have an inbox that was useable. The amount of poetry/random stories in spam has gone way up in order to get around baysian filters, and it wouldn't suprise me if all text based filters will be useless soon. I mean, honestly. We'll soon need to either implement visual-based filtering (filtering based on the visual model that would be shown if the spam was HTML rendered, or even filtering of images). Or everyone is going to have to get SPF and even auto-whitelisting working.

Works better with music...

[frozenray]

...than with poetry: spamradio [spamradio.net] - hand-picked spam mails, a speech synthesizer and ambient background music.

I sometimes listen to it during coding sprees late at night, eerie but cool.

Who is it from?

[slender]

I also love the creative names that spammers use to get past SPAM filters. Another reason to rejoice in the creativeness of SPAM - NOT! Here are just some of my favorites:

• Differences E. Dolby
• Tastelessness L. Gladiolus
• Leaseholder Q. Refraction
• Furnished B. Trite
• Repudiated I. Cycle
• Delirious B. Lunchtime
• Clubbing O. Bounce
• Diameter R. Analytic
• Stitches O. Latched
• Plateaus E. Inhalant
• Portent A. Meningitis
• Spinnaker L. Rostov
• Kremlinologist L. Balls
• Entombment S. Accrual
• Periwigging I. Saxon
• Mismanagement H. Eucharists
• Needled J. Retches
• Substantiate H. Latticeworks
• Narragansett D. Tears
• Cannonball H. Sewer
• Francesca D. House
• Sections U. Caesarean
• Normand U. Fonding
• Decreeing O. Mnemonic
• Utilization I. Narration
• Carolina L. Maloney
• Gorgeous U. Cookout
• Skullcaps Q. Code
• Brunettes F. Impeccability
• Mealier T. Angolans
• Electrolytes O. Smooches
• Pulping H. Weakened
• Panicked Q. Televangel
• Rejoined G. Succor
• Secretions F. Broths

s/r/c/;

[G27 Radio]

Delirious B. Lunchtime

I'd be a little more suspicious of that one if it was "Delicious B. Lunchtime."

Spam haiku

[ajutla]

Haiku poems from spam? Yes indeed! Behold:

enlarge penis now
low cost mortgage not resist
from Nigeria

On second thought, no. That was really stupid.

An Ode to Spam

[why-is-it]

"An Ode To Spam"
by Irwin

I quiver at an early hour
Awash in electron aura:
Debating life and Godly power,
Staring at Eudora.

What is all my mail worth?
Do I risk my mind?
What if spam should issue forth,
And leave my soul behind?

And thus beside this stream of life,
From whence my mail is plucked.
I decide within my inner strife,
That spammers should be...

I can't find the link to the original comic [userfriendly.org] but it's on Page 22 of "Evil Geniuses In A Nutshell"

Re:An Ode to Spam

[stienman]

You need to familiarize yourself with the comic strip search feature. Don't be shy, you know you've always wanted a strip search.

"Ode to spam" [userfriendly.org]

"Second Ode to spam" [userfriendly.org]

-Adam

A poetic suggestion.

[Mr_Icon]

In search of rhyme I spam peruse,
With stalling breath I moan in Bayes.
I've heard of life. But of such ruse
No proof I've seen in all my days.

Markov random text generator

[McDutchie]

Sounds like most or all of the lines in the "spoems" have been taken from the randomly generated gibberish spammers insert into their junk in order to get past the spam filters. But there are easier ways [elje.net] to do the same trick - no spam required, just some text.

Re:Markov random text generator

[dolphinling]

That would be Markov chain text scrambler, not Markov random text generator. I'm looking for one right now so I can feed my spam through it.

It itches so correctly

[flabbergasted]

I got a spam the other day that was written in German, more or less. I ran it through babelfish and got the following amusing blank verse. You gotta love "rat-sharp Girls in the wildest floats." It has such a lovely rhythm.

Geile, lsterne virgins with those
it itches so correctly.

They want you,
it need it.

Heie galleries and sharp picture series.

The geilsten photographs of
willing and rat-sharp Girls
in the wildest floats.

You want the heiesten Teeniesex?

Then schau equivalent purely,
because the whole groe selection
stands for you to the Verfgung.

Re:It itches so correctly

[momerath2003]

And you didn't include a link?

Pity.

I was looking forward to geilsten photos of rat-sharp Girls.

Re:It itches so correctly

[evilviper]

it itches so correctly

Hey! I think I've just foind my new sig!

The Scarlet "S"

[Spetiam]

All of the verses are taken from actual spam, and copied directly without modification.

Wow, plagiarizing spam, that's a new low. ;o)

Yeah, it's a joke, but got me thinking...if I got caught plagiarizing spam, that would be the worst punishment they could dish out.

"Pssst, look, there goes the guy that plagiarized spam."

I think I would kill myself.

Another way...

[gmuslera]

... of losing time, imho. After all, to be able to even try to get that is to read the spam, something that with 500 spam/wk (im getting a similar number, maybe higher) looks like a good way of losing time (specially when the ratio between something that that could be worth reading and the usual junk should be very low)

If you want to dedicate some time with spam, try to use some time evaluating what is the best spam detection software for you particular situation, popfile, spambayes, spamassasin, dspam,

Increase Your Penis: A collection of prose.

[Rai]

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Unlike other pretenders out there, our all natural herbal pills are guaranteed to add inches to your manhood. Don't wait. Supplies are limited. Order now.

My favorite Viagra spam headline

[Tablizer]

"So big they'll call you Tripod!"

Not satisfied with your performance?

[wirelessbuzzers]

Enlarge your organ!

Add multiple stops! Up to 8' and more!
Improve your tone! Produce richer, fuller cadences!
No pills, no pumps! Uses existing bellows system.
All natural! Mean tone tempered in C major.
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Bach and Sons Organ Enlargement

Rated No. 1 Organ Enlargement Program On The Market!

I'm still bummed that SatireWire went under...

[jinx90277]

I had heard about the SatireWire spam poetry contest on Slashdot a couple of years ago, and had been working on my entry for contest #3 when the site went under. I was disappointed as hell, since I thought I had a decent shot at winning the contest. Back in Summer 2002, I signed up for a fake Hotmail account and subscribed to about every mailing list I could think of in order to generate the raw material for the poem.

The funny thing is that, despite my day job as an engineer, I'm actually a serious poet.

Copyright violations

[NotQuiteReal]

Those spam quotes are all copyright violations.

lol

Why do I never get spam??

[rve]

I have only received a dozen or so spam messages in my entire life. I started using email about a decade ago, and use it regularly. I never used a spamfilter. Recently my email provider installed one, and a legitimate newsletter I signed up for now arrives marked as possible spam. It is somewhat comical, but hardly poetry.

Should I start filling out my email address on random pornography sites too? Should I start blogging and usenet spamming using my real, unchanged email addresses too? And then when I do s

I'm keeping my SPAM as evidence!

[dnahelix]

When those class-action suits start, I'm gonna CA$H IN!!!!
I have about 35,000 since mid-September.

Must be nice ...

[dougmc]

My spam filter receives about 500/wk

I'm up to 1500/day. That's just me, just my personal address.

On the bright side, only a very few spams get through -- perhaps 3 per day. As for false positives, very few.

Spamassassin and the RBLs, especially the Spamcop URI stuff, rock!

Alas, while I may have 21 times the source material that you have, I don't really care to make poetry out of it. Not manually anyways, but it might be interesting to make a program generate it ...

Need silicon wafers?

[emorphien]

This may not have anything to do with the original thingymabibby, but whatever...

Somebody gleaned my email off a site relating to my research I guess... because I've received several spam emails (surprisingly not more) in the past couple months offering me killer deals on silicon wafers, and coating supplies and other shit I really don't need.

Why the hell are they sending me this!!! Is there really someone out there sending spam for that crap, because really that just seems bizarre and a waste of time. H

Re:I don't read spam

[achurch]

What's your excuse for having spam?

I happen to actually have some contact with the outside world.

Re:Yeah... so?

[mishac]

Actually, Nero *fiddled*, and Hitler *wanted* to be an artist, but couldn't get in to art school.
</pedantic>

Re:Yeah... so?

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

nero sang as rome burned
and hitler was an artist
but never have i ever learned
of which one was the smartest

infamy is what theyve earned
though for power they tried the hardest
and if by fortune they were spurned
one might wonder which was 'tardest