U.S. Military's Hackers

definate writes "Wired is running a story on the Joint Functional Component Command for Network Warfare, or JFCCNW. A multimillion dollar military task force used to attack the electronic infrastructure of their opponents."

Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[TripMaster Monkey]

From the article:

Military leaders from U.S. Strategic Command, or Stratcom, disclosed the existence of a unit called the Joint Functional Component Command for Network Warfare, or JFCCNW.

"JFCCNW"??? That's a terrible acronym! That's the worst thing I've heard since PCMCIA!

How about something a bit more catchy, like the League of Enduring Electronic Technicians? Or perhaps the Paramilitary Worldwide Network of Electronic Defenders?

Let's help out our country...please post your suggestions for acronyms below.

army's new slogan

[poison_reverse]

an army of one's and zero's

article correction

[Triumph The Insult C]

the article refers to the JFCCNW as being the "... most formibidable hacker posse. Ever."

looks like www.jfccnw.mil is offline ... so maybe the editors need to take anothNO CARRIER

Primary tatic

[SpongeBobLinuxPants]

Dear Habib,
My name is Akmar and I have just inherited $3 million, but it is stuck in a US bank account....

Bring down your enemy

[rob_levine]

Don't tell me - they are going to remotely deploy WinXP Service Pack 2 on the enemy's network?

Masterful...

I can see the recruitment ads now...

[edunbar93]

b3 4ll j00 c4N B3!

J01n t3h 4RmY! T1s 133t!

Re:Revealing (and scary) line from TFA

[Anonymous Coward]

Okay, guys, here's a quick quiz: of the following possible combatants, which one has the most to lose in the event of an enemy hacker penetrating its computer security?
a) al-Qaeda


Are you kidding? The Bush administration's attention to details like computer security is EXACTLY why we caught Bin Laden!

Oh, wait.

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[Anonymous Coward]

How about Worldwide Online Operations Team ?

Not anymore...

[zappepcs]

...a super-secret, multimillion-dollar weapons program that may be ready to launch bloodless cyberwar against enemy networks -- from electric grids to telephone nets.

Not anymore

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[jwthompson2]

Freedom's Special Computer Knights

Slashdot them...

[Anonymous Coward]

Couldn't we just /. them into submission?

Ooh!

[Esine]

Command Line Soldiers!

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[KillerDeathRobot]

Homeland Agency for the eXecution and eXtermination of Our Rivals?

Re:SAMs?

[Kipsaysso]

Yeah. But they are protected by the Windows Firewall so you can forget getting to them. Those extra security features will stop the terrorists every time.

Great

[lbmouse]

Geeks in uniforms. Isn't best Buy [bestbuy.com] already trying this?

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[jwthompson2]

People of America's New [Internet|Information|Intelligence] Commandos

Re:SAMs?

[Anonymous Coward]

These things are connected to the internet?

Let me see....

Welcome

You've got arms.

Yep!

Re:SAMs?

[peragrin]

These things are connected to the internet?

isn't everything? I know I connect our bluegene supercomputer to the regular net. of course beta testing Windows for High performace computing, I got a virus which turned it into a massive spam relay.

Do yo know how much spam you can send with a pair a t-3's the world's fastest supercomputer?

Re:SAMs? or Coke machines and printers oh my ...

[mrseigen]

TERRIST A: "This coke is warm"
TERRIST B: "My morale lies in tatters on the open road, for without the crisp cool taste of Coca Cola I cannot plot these evil acts."

Re:Script Kiddies in Uniform

[Quixote]

the main task of JFCCNW is to bring down websites....

... just like Slashdot ;-)

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[sp3tt]

Massive Soldier Force of Technology - MSFT.

Re:This group uses PowerBooks

[Salo2112]

Because using Windows on the internet is like riding a bicycle into a firefight.

Real Genius meets Full Metal Jacket

[bitswapper]

"In simple terms and sans any military jargon, the unit could best be described as the world's most formidable hacker posse. Ever.

I've got a picture of R. Lee Ermey giving somebody shit for going into army 'hacking'...

"Hacker core?! You gotta be shitting me private! You're not a geek, you're a killer!! "

As for "most formidable", I wonder how often it comes down to "join us, or be labeled a terrorist

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[ggvaidya]

Freedom's Special Computer Knights

They're French?? I thought they were American!

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[QuantumRiff]

Whats wrong with People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms? Is it that hard?

Sarge, I Wanna Hack! HACK!! HA-A-A-A-CK!!!

[RobotRunAmok]

I got this whole Alice's Restaurant Flashback moment reading this. Sorry.

But back home in the 21st Century, am I the only one who sees this as a better-than-average recruiting effort on the part of the U.S. Army (at a time when their falling shy of their recruitment goals)? I'm guessing they are hoping scenes like this play out at recruitment stations across the fruited plain:

Wired Reader: "Um, I read how, like, the army is hiring and training all these 733t Uber-hax00rs to, like, simply own terrorist websites and shit...?"

Recruiting Officer: "Yup. Sign here."

WR: "So, like, do we get to wear baggy camo pants and high boots and put our hats on backward and shit...?"

RO: "Sure. Sign here."

WR: "Umm, so, does our brigade or garrison or whatever have, like, our own kewl insignia, like a fist holding lightning bolts or some rad shit like that...?"

RO: "Uh huh. Sign here."

WR: "What are we called, like, the '81st Cybernetic,' or the 'Electric Underground' or some cool shit like that...?"

RO: "Something like that. Sign here."

WR: "And I get to carry a gun?"

RO: "Oh, Yes. And we give you free bullets and coffee. Sign here."

WR: "Free Coffee?! D00d, I'm, like, so-o-o-o-o there! Where do I sign?"

RO (smiling): "Here, son. Sign right here."

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[__aamcgs2220]

How about Forcefully Undulating Computer Killers with Totally Awesome Reconnaisance Devices in Zimbabwe?

Mister Anderson...

[GPLDAN]

The best part is they hired Hugo Weaving to head it up...

Re:JFCCNW

[Craig_P92669]

Sadly, the best geeks will never make it to this group because of the pushup requirements.

Outside sources...

[Kjuib]

have been known for calling them Worldwide Technical Fighters...
WTF?.. WTF?...

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[Anonymous Coward]

How about:

Constabulary Unit for Network Transgression Surveillance?

Fatal flaw

[RichardX]

The only thing the enemy would need to employ to completely overwhelm and undermine this army of nerds would be..... a female.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Primary tatic

[bcattwoo]

Or how about:

Dear Osama,

We at PayPal value your business. During a recent system upgrade some customer data may have been lost. Please click on the following link http://www.JFCCNW.mil/paypal.html to confirm your account data.

Thank you, Paypal customer service

Re:JFCCNW

[Col. Bloodnok]

I can mention that I work on a government project covered by the Official Secrets Act, but that is about the sum of it.

Excellent. I'm putting that on my CV. :)

It certainly looks better than:

'For the last 18 months I have mostly been drinking beer and playing computer games.'

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[Anonymous Coward]

Federal Unary Computer Killers
With the following divisions:
Middle East
Internal Technology
Oversea's Fighting Force

and of course, where do they train....
Yahoo Operations University

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[Aphoric]

I am sure that it has already been registered with the Federal Acronym Registration Team

Re:This group uses PowerBooks

[rathehun]

I can just see the next colour scheme for iBooks - Military Green Camouflage!

R.

SlashCommand

[RedLaggedTeut]

I'm kind of surprised that noone has pointed out yet the existance of one division of JFCCWOTEVR led by Cmdr. Taco that harnesses the power of distributed monkeys for denial of service attacks.

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[jotok]

It was a PCMCIA joke. Like TWAIN (Tool Without An Interesting Name).

You hear that wooshing sound? That was...ah, nevermind, go and get your coffee :)

Re:Worst. Acronym. Ever.

[Zemplar]

you missed...
National Electronic Research and Defense Service

Re:Revealing (and scary) line from TFA

[Couldn'tCareLess]

Well, if they don't care at all they couldn't care any less. Could they?

And I should know.

Re:This group uses PowerBooks

[thrasymachus]

That's actually so they can hack into alien motherships and upload viruses if necessary.

Re:JFCCNW

[coopex]

The answer to that test is obvious. He will be facing forward, then two doors will open on his left and right. Out of his peripheral vision he notices the computer and the girl. Having not posted to slashdot in 23 minutes, and having not been with a girl ever, he thinks. Slashdot... only chance with a girl... slashdot... only chance with a girl... This quickly forces him into an status where he will move towards the computer, but then the force off the girl will keep him from getting to it, and vice versa. After a minute of this, the NSA officer gets bored, shoots him, and uses his secret mind control ray to get Bush to bomb another country.