"Buffalo Spammer" Gets 3.5 to 7 Years

jfruhlinger writes "Howard Carmak, aka the 'Buffalo spammer,' has been sentenced to jail time for his spamming activities. Interestingly, the conviction was not for spamming per se, but rather stealing someone's identity, which he then used to launch his spam messages."

It serves him right....

[millahtime]

It serves him right for stealing identities. I am still in counseling for getting that email from my grandma telling me to enlarge my penis.

Will be spamming his appeal...

[Omega]

He also announced he planned to spam his appeal to every court in the country.

Finally he'll stop sending...

[Begemot]

..."enlarge your ... today", 'cause he's not gonna like it.

Cellmate

[blackmonday]

Here's hoping that his cellmate took a steady supply of penis enlargement pills and herbal viagra.

Shouldn't they have...

[CSG_SurferDude]

Shouldn't they have executed him like they do virus writers? [slashdot.org]

good

[Anonymous Coward]

Why don't we just inplant a chip in spammers heads that shock them every time they try to use modern technology? Microwave a TV dinner? shock. Send an email? shock. Try to hijack my computer to send out spam? shock. I think there is a sci-bi book (or twelve) with that premise.

Yay!

[Ratfactor]

Anytime, anywhere, when a spammer gets jail time, a death sentence, raped, shot, stabbed, beaten, pursued by goblins, eaten by robot men or robot dogs, burned, molested by snakes, bitten by wolves, dipped in acid, exsanguinated, trampled by cattle, or lost at sea...

...Ratfactor smiles!

Only 3.5-7 years?

[KenBot_314]

I would think he should get longer... I mean.. if for nothing else, just for principle!

Wonder where he'll be in the prison hirearchy...

[i.r.id10t]

There was all kinds of mean, nasty and ugly-lookin' people on the bench there
--there was mother rapers--father-stabbers, father-rapers! FATHER-RAPERS
Sittin' right there on the bench next to me!

And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible and crime fightin' guys were
Sittin' there on the bench, and the meaniest, ugliest, nastiest one--the
Meanest father-raper of them all--was comin' over to me.

And he was mean and nasty and horrible and all kinds of things, and he sat
Down next to me. He said, "Kid, what'd you get?"

I said, "I didn't get nothin'. I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the
Garbage." He said, "What were you arrested FOR, kid?" and I said,
"Litterin'."

And they all moved away from me on the bench there, with the hairy eyeball and
All kinds of mean, nasty things, till I said, "And sending hundreds of thousands of unwanted email message...."

And they all came back, shook my hand and we had a great time on the bench
Talkin' about crime, mother-stabbin', father-rapin', --all kinds of groovy
Things that we was talkin' about on the bench, and everything was fine.

Fantasy scene...

[Shoten]

Carmak, in his jail cell for the first night of his long sentence, with "Tyree," or "Bubba," or whoever; specifics are not important, just that the individual is large, mean, and notoriously maladjusted. It is now lights-out, and quiet falls over the prison.

As Carmak cowers under the covers of the lower bunk...

"I bet you don't want ME to have a bigger penis now, do you, boy?"

Meanwhile in Jail

[Nuclear Elephant]

Meanwhile in Jail, inmates have added him to their "My new Bitch" list. Carmak has complained repeatedly that their unsubscribe feature is both inhumane and doesn't work, which has led to arthritis in his right hand.

It's kind of...

[neiffer]

...like getting the mob with tax fraud, right?

Identity theft, huh?

[Nuclear Elephant]

including charges that he stole the identity of two Buffalo-area residents, which he then used to send out more than 800 million spam messages

Who would've thought there were two Buffalo-area residents with the names "Big R. Schlong" and "Haute Yung Bebes"

3.5 to 7 years?

[jlowery]

Is he serving time in the Heisenberg Uncertainty Corrections Center?

Here's Hoping...

[bcolflesh]

...his cellmates introduce the "Buffalo Spammer" to the "Cleveland Steamer".

Bend over

[Anonymous Coward]

Hope he likes his call mate's "spam" in the ass.

Bend over spam bitch.

Re:Cellmate

[CodeMonkey4Hire]

Even funnier if his celly makes him take those breast enlargement pills!

Re:Is this thing working?

[Anonymous Coward]

Remember this the next time someone tells you MySQL is a stable database system.

Re:Bye bye, Howard, it's been fun reading about yo

[Ralph Wiggam]

A nerdy overweight white guy in his thirties going to the can? He should tatoo tits on his back now and get it over with.

-B

since you asked...

[tuxette]

Are you people seriously telling me, that a suitable punishment for spamming is being fucked up the arse?

Why, yes.

Re:since you asked...

[Greedo]

I bet he's hoping that his 6'4", 235 lb cell mate didn't get his penis enlarged.

Re:Sounds to me a little excessive

[chromatic]

Think of it as a deterrent. "Not only are murder, theft, and rape wrong, but if you're caught, you might have to share a cell with a spammer!"

Sentencing suggestion

[Kozar_The_Malignant]

>7 years is the maximum for identity theft? That actually seems a little light.

How about seven years and the victims get to pick his cellmate?

Buff-alo Spa1mme&r, in_crease your anus now!#G

[JohnTheFisherman]

Just commit massive credit card fraud! Your cellmate will do the rest. :)

Re:3.5-7 Seems a little light

[Anonymous Coward]

IMHO, castration (the old fashioned kind) would serve as a much better detterent than life in prison. "Life in prison" probably sounds pretty vague to some junkie or sloping-brow thug, but threaten to cut off their plumbing...

Re:Bye bye, Howard, it's been fun reading about yo

[Anonymous Coward]

I just put in "Howard Carmack"

And it came up with this...

"Ass Cunt"

It's all over for him...

Re:3.5-7 Seems a little light

[carlos_benj]

That's funny....

Judge: "I hereby sentence you to no credit. From now on you can only use cash."

Criminal: "But judge, I already have no credit except for yours and I can steal somethin' if I want cash."

Put him in isolation.

[dhalsim2]

His only human contact should be via electronic messages with each message sent to him being among 10,000 unfiltered spam messages. Let him waste his life sorting through messages just as he's done to so many others.

Re:Sentencing suggestion

[Tackhead]

> > 7 years is the maximum for identity theft? That actually seems a little light.
>
> How about seven years and the victims get to pick his cellmate?

How about three years... but he has to opt out of every ass-raping.

Of course, if he gets out in three years and claims that it wasn't rape, his cellmates can claim that he opted in anyways, and just forgot about it.

Re:This just in...

[Tackhead]

> His cellmate is "in" for killing a spammer.
>
> Hmmm.

"Hmmm", indeed.

How the fuck would a prosecutor find a jury that would convict?

Re:shall we start taking in a collection?

[Anonym0us Cow Herd]

Are you people seriously telling me, that a suitable punishment for spamming is being fucked up the arse?

He can always tell his cellmate that he wants to "opt out".

He should be happy about this...

[Rai]

Now he can get some hands-on experience helping men enlarge their penises.