ISECOM's Top 10 Real Computer Crimes 155
thelordx writes "ISECOM, the Institute for Security and Open Methodologies, has just posted their Top 10 Real Computer Crimes for 2007 and Beyond. This list runs the gambit from poorly designed patches to chlamydia! It's entertaining, but also scary, as many of us could fall victim to some or all of them."
Crimes against the English Language (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Crimes against the English Language (Score:5, Funny)
Chlamydia from a computer? Erm, no. Those folks need to do a little reading.
For those few of you who usually read the full article, this time, do yourself a favor and don't. It just hurts your head.
And the really bad thing is that, if this was a post-party post, there's not a single scan of the secretary's ass from the photocopier. So, I guess the party sucked too.
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either that or you're just naive and unimaginative
the article attempts to be funny but only manages to be completely lame.
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And on a holiday note, next time I'll be sure to have a glass of rum and a dash of eggnog with me.
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Chlamydia from a computer? Erm, no. Those folks need to do a little reading.
Ok, not directly from the computer itself, but I can see how this scenario could happen. Teens are using instant messaging in astounding numbers these days. I also recently found out that the incidence of STDs among teenagers is way higher than I ever imagined it to be (and many teens don't know they're infected, further spreading STDs). So, here's how it could happen: two teenagers meet and start flirting through instant messag
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So in a very real way, if it hadn't been for computers (and especially IRC), I would not be married to my husband, and our daughter would not exist.
you better not let her get on IRC pretty soon then.
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Whereas a gamete is something else, of no relevance at all to us here on
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It's originally a chess term, for an early material sacrifice that gains (usually) positional advantage. In particular, the loss of a pawn isn't a big deal if it causes the opponent's pawn structure to restrict their movement. Most gambits are pawn sacrifices, though ballsy players might got for a bishop or knight gambit. From the Italian 'gambetta', a wrestling term meaning 'to trip up by the heels'.
To be fair, I'll
Re:Crimes against the English Language (Score:5, Funny)
So Im thinking Wow gee hosifat, this anime stuff has got to be some nifty shit. There had better be some sliced bread out there that cant get work anymore over this shit. The last time people had this much fun they just discovered they could get drunk and beat their kids. So this shit had better be able to cure AIDS and kill nuns its that fucking great. Old people had better be turning off the I Dream of Jennie reunion to watch this shit its that fucking great.
So I sit down to watch anime. And its not that hard because its on every fucking channel. Six hundred and fifty trillion channels and their all playing anime twenty four hours a day. So I pick a channel and I sit down to watch it; and its not like I havent seen anime before you know, but every time I happen to mention that I dont personally like it, someones head will pop out from under the nearest rock and say But have you seen it lately? Its not like Sailor Moon anymore! Because apparently the last five years has done for anime what silicon did for Alyssa Molino, you know.
So Im sitting in my chair and I turn on the anime and Ive got my dick in my hand ready to jerk it to happy oblivion because apparently its that fucking important. And hey, check this out, its the same three-frame per second six-color crap it always was! You can watch this shit with Shockwave on a 486 and there wouldnt be any difference.
And its because we incinerated all of Japans in-between artists at the end of World War 2 I know it. They cant make an hour long cartoon with more than a hundred frames in it because theyve only got three mother fuckers left who can draw.
And I cant jerk off to this, my dick would never respect me again. But suddenly, everyones flooding in my room and theyre like Ohh youre watching Otagotcha Watamotigotchimona. This is the best show in all fucking existence. And now theyre jerking their dicks off, and all I can think is that they dont deserve their dicks. What the fuck is making everyone go so batshit over anime?
And then it occurs to me, its fucking El Niño. Yeah, thats what it is. Some guy gets caught raping a dead squirrel and someones going to blame El Niño for it. This is all El Niños fault because thats where the aliens live with their damn mind rays that are making everyone fucking retarded. Fuck South America!
So I fire a bunch of nukes at South America so everyones heads will suddenly be extracted from their asses again. And I do it anime style too, I narrate it as Im doing it. So, Im like Ohh, did you know that I would send the most powerful force in the universe to destroy you today, but now you know because Im the great warrior Anonymous, whos spirit was imprisoned by the god of penile dysfunction over a thousand years ago and have been waiting to be awakened this very day by the magical sound of the very last human putting his head up his ass, ohhh.
Because thats a wonderful story you know, thats what makes anime so wonderful its the story. Its the stories that make the anime so wonderful. The stories, thats what it is. You know, only their not stories! Ohh telling a thousand years of history in thirty seconds in the middle of a movie, when you do that, thats not a fucking story. Thats the fucking cincher OK? When you do that in the middle of a mental hospital theyre give you a fucking lobotomy.
So I launch the nukes at South America, and their like Anonymous you bastard! and
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Also, the guy that wrote that piece of crap should read this --> http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/10/11 [penny-arcade.com]
In a slashdot first (Score:5, Funny)
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RTFA (Score:1)
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Contributory Negligence? (Score:2)
However, on my Windows98 PC here, it renders in Arial and a perfectly readable serifed font -- Courier I think. (I'm a content guy not a layout person). I tried both Off-by-One and Firefox and it's quite readable in both.
So maybe part of the problem is loading stuff like Office that makes a zi
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hwah? (Score:5, Insightful)
I don't know much about ISECOM, but aside from being virtually indecipherable reading, I don't find their list: 1) to be crimes (necessarily) and/or b) credible.
Consider #7 (a short and sweet one):
I have had more distaste for the banking industry over the last ten years... but banks are in a competitive market (so far), and are fairly tightly regulated. Their internet-enabled "things" may or may not save them money, a lot of times maybe not, but more fairly would be described as poorly implemented and hardly worth paying for. Banks, OTOH, are allowed to charge for their services, poorly implemented or not.
Also, consider "crime" #9:
Consider it not so much for considering as much as for just plain interpreting it... aside from the fact it's a multi-runon (I think) sentence and it's a hundred words (give or take), I'm not sure what it's saying.
This article probably shouldn't have been posted. (Nor, I guess, should this post... sigh.)
How many slashdotters... (Score:3, Funny)
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Re:hwah? (Score:4, Funny)
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It seems then, reasonable, that with banks now being able to computerize images of checks, and automatically process them, or having an online bill pay where a bank has less work to do, can save a bank (which processes however many checks a day) buttloads of money.
Do you pay for it as a consumer? May
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Except that everything does not work perfectly, customers make mistakes so they call the bank's phone support. It takes substantially longer to track down such problems than it w
Pink-laced crime spree (Score:2)
What? That's one of the biggest crimes in today's IT world! Do you have any idea how much money is lost annually due to the sweet girl from procurements with the pink-laced keds getting caught selling toner cartridges on E-bay which she stole from someone's office printer and she tells the boss that she didn't know it was from there because he gave it to her and when they go to investigate they find some work documents on his personal USB key drive that he needed to move fi
Did someone slip the ideahamsters some booze? (Score:2)
Wow.
I'm confused (Score:1, Troll)
*ducks*
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When DRM starts being a crime instead of those who break it, I'll eat my hat.
Missing: (Score:3, Insightful)
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We are victims (Score:3, Funny)
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The BSOD syndrome (Score:2)
Ok, these guys must have no aptitude [debian.org] for system administration.
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Please.... (Score:4, Insightful)
Wow - entertaining, scary AND the possibility of victimization! All this story needs is some popcorn and gratuitous sex!!!
For the record - the story is neither entertaining nor scary, and just because you're stupid enough to fall prey doesn't mean the general population is in the same boat.
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Useless (Score:5, Insightful)
Girls are smarter then boy... (Score:2)
Wow (Score:4, Insightful)
I think my brain just screamed from the horrible, horrible sentence structure. What, was this written by a seven year old?
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Reminds Me Of The Fixit Girl (Score:2)
MAN: I can't...
MARIA: Don't argue, just chop him up!
MAN:
MARIA:
MAN:
MARIA: We're in a real hurry now...
MAN:
MARIA:
MAN:
(doorbell)
MARIA: Answer it and tell them to go away.
MAN:
MARIA:
MAN: Er... hello...
POLICEMAN: Everything all right, sir? We've heard there were some loud bangs.
MAN: Er... yeah...
POLICEMAN: Do you mind if I come in for a moment, sir?
MAN: Well, it's... there was a...
POLICEMAN: What's that?
MAN: Yeah, um... There'
# 0. (Score:2, Insightful)
huh? (Score:2, Informative)
Your computer will probably crash a lot or at least reboot for no apparent reason but most likely due to some patch you got through an automated update which you are told to do for security reasons because apparently security and stability are incompatible.
Come on... That's like saying, "Something will probably go wrong because someone will mess something up, and it's not my fault, and I can't do anything about it, and in fact, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
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The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.
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"You may once be unable to find your keys, even though you put them down just a minute ago, and now they're mysteriously missing."
(Freely adapted from memory since it's been years since I've read about Rincewind's curses)
surprising (Score:2)
wtf, seriously.
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sounds familiar (Score:3, Insightful)
(Tagged justkeepstalkinginoneincrediblyunbrokensentencemo
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They are discussion the various talks that they went on, and picard says, regarding the lecture that he attended that "he just kept talking in one long sentence moving from topi
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My Poor Bluetooth Kids In Public Places (Score:2)
Well, since the actual odds of anything happening to your children even if you were irresponsible enough to leave them "running around in public places unattended" are practically nil, I guess we're ok then.
That *is* what they're trying to say here, ri
One of two things happened here... (Score:1)
2) this story is a huge joke and everyone thought it was serious because it was on a purported security site with an official sounding acronym like isecom but if you have any sense at all you can see that its clearly a joke.
Ok, it hurts writing like that.
Re:One of two things happened here... (Score:4, Insightful)
Just a really, really pathetic attempt at humour, and fails miserably. It's below medeocre no matter what level you look at it. Either for humour, or serious... this article fails horribly. I have no clue why someone slashdotted it.
Spite? (Score:2)
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What? (Score:2, Insightful)
See, Slashdot is just another blog now. A big one. An old one. But now, it's just another plain ol' vanilla blog. Blogs live and die on popularity, and the popularity is generally related to the quality of the articles posted. If Slashdot continues down this long, editorial spiral of shit for much longer, I'm about to strike out to find
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Excellent article (Score:2, Insightful)
For those of you who didn't RTFA (Score:2)
Chlamydia? (Score:3, Funny)
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this is the .... (Score:1)
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here's a computer crime for you .... (Score:1)
It's all a joke... (Score:2, Informative)
Firefox compatible? (Score:1)
I dug out IE from the Start Menu (ugh) and hmm....appears to be fixed. Perhaps this "Institute" should practice what I assume it preaches.
Terrible writing (Score:1)
With friends liks ISECOM... (Score:2)
Not a serious article (Score:2, Insightful)
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Candidates for ISECOM's #11 (Score:2, Funny)
Makes about as much sense.
Where does this list rank on the.. (Score:2)
My bet is fairly high.
Run on (Score:2)
Sarcasm. (Score:1)
Americans can be so tiring sometimes(flushes karma).
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Isn't chlamydia a sexually transmitted disease? (Score:1)
"True (Crime) Vignettes" -- too close to home? (Score:1)
Vignette: [cn.edu]
The one thing none of us has enough of is time, and most of these concern, at the very least, a theft of time that is happening on a massive scale, and pervades online computing. In fact, judging by the posts, these thefts and frauds seem to be taken for granted by rat
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Perhaps, because of how commonplace many of these are, these vignettes make people feel powerless, thus the expressed dislike for them?
Amazing. (Score:1)
Don't think so. (Score:3, Funny)
1. Unlikely. If my computer ever crashes, it does so for a reason. The software I am using [debian.org] has been independently audited. I've read the Source Code of some of it myself.
2. Unlikely. I know how to use locate.
3. Unlimited traffic. Static IP. Anything less is not a proper internet connection.
4. Bloody unlikely. I use a web browser [kde.org], not a virus magnet [microsoft.com]. That's on top of an Operating System [debian.org] which is immune to viruses, spyware and adware -- by design.
5. I know how to turn off Bluetooth. So does anyone who has to pay for their electricity by the joule.
6. It's right there in the Terms and Conditions of my bank account: We will never ask you for personal information via the Internet. And it means what it says.
7. See 6. Anyway, there are only two ways my bank could add an "internet-enabled" service I'd actually use: let me take a photo of a pile of pound notes and coins, upload it and pay it into my account; or let me print pound notes on my own printer.
8. I don't buy software, I download it using apt-get. What is a CD key?
9. Bit far-fetched. Anyway, if anybody's going to be selling off the toner cartridges, it's me!
10. Unlikely. I don't travel by air anyway.
lame, slownewsday, stupid (tagging beta) (Score:2)
Lame comments (Score:3, Insightful)
Cretans? (Score:2, Insightful)
Wow.
Most of the posts in this thread apparently were made by cretans.
The article in question was obviously written as humor.
The article in question was indeed funny.
The long sentences are a device to show impatience, to show that the writer's mind is working faster than his typing fingers. (Has any of you ever heard the Old Philospher? Not the same, but a similar device is used: successive questions.)
To top it off, some posters even found this thread as an opportunity to bash Microsoft!?! (I'm beginni
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In the early going I thought it was just a poorly done attempt at a Top 10 List. As I got nearer the end I realized it was a semi-autobiographical sketch and thought it was cute. I've seen worse. Although maybe not on SlashDot.
Oblig. Grammar Nazi Comment (Score:2)
"You're new video and tv-capable mobile phone"
For once, It's an incorrect use of "you're" when "your" should have been used. Usually it's the other way around.
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I think "Gambit" is a mutant. Or at least a mutation of the English language.