AOL Digs Up Yard for Spam Gold 230
Registered Coward v2 writes "AOL is planning to dig in a MA couple's yard looking for buried gold and platinum owned by a spammer they successfully sued for spamming AOL. AOL said Tuesday it intends to search for gold and platinum bars the company suspects are hidden near the home of Davis Wolfgang Hawke's parents on two acres in Medfield, Massachusetts. The family said it will fight in court to oppose AOL's plans."
obligatory.... (Score:5, Funny)
23473437 Platinum
23473437 Me too!!!!11!!!one!!
23473437 Gold Rush
23473437 Pirates
23473437 Pirates -Caribbean
23473437 Plunder
23473437 Spam
23473437 Spam Gold
23473437 how to stop spam
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' backyard
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' frontyard
23473437 gold in Mrs Wolfgang Hawkes' land
23473437 gold in Medfield fields
23473437 court fight
23473437 lawyers
23473437 lawyers -sco
23473437 how to kill your wife
23473437 how to kill customers
23473437 poop
Re:obligatory.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:obligatory.... (Score:5, Funny)
Haha, as if AOL users would be savvy enough to use the NOT operator. You had me going up to that point!
Re:obligatory.... (Score:5, Funny)
I know this letter may come as a surprise to you, but I am in desperate need and have heard that you can be trusted in these matters. I am Mrs. Susan Johnson Hawke, mother of Davis Wolfgang Hawke, who has been wrongly accused of spamming by the tyrannical United States government in concert with the scheming Internet giant, America Online.
A few months ago, sensing that the authorities were preparing to imprison him, my son Davis concealed a cache of precious metal bars on our rural Massachussetts property. He made me promise not to reveal their location to anyone except in case of greatest emergency.
Now, the health of my son Davis is in great danger. Prison authorities will not pay for his care, and demand that I do so. His h3@lth is bad and he is unable to 5.A.T.1.5.F.Y his lovers all night long with his man h00d... he desperately needs V1@grA and CailIs sofTabs. He is also gaining weight and absolutely needs some fat-burning Hoodia, now for low-price and risk-free for only $29.95.
Will you help me save my son??? I have dug up the metal bars from our land, but tragically they have been transformed from their original lustrous gold and platinum sheen, to a dull-gray color. I need to purchase a large quantity of special chemicals in order to transform the sticken ingots and restore them to their original condition, so that I may sell them and get the money I desperately need to help my son Davis Hawke.
If you can provide me with sufficient funds to purchase these chemicals, I will gladly reward you with 20% of the value of the gold and platinum bars once they have been sold. Please contact me if you are willing to do this, as it is a very urgent matter.
Blessedly,
Mrs. Susan Johnson Hawke
Re:obligatory.... (Score:2)
Don't mod up (Score:2, Offtopic)
Nothing to hide? (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:5, Funny)
My, how they came in droves. Destroyed the barn, including the foundation. And now, they're rebuilding it at tax payer expensive.
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
How low can they get? How far can you dig with a backhoe?
This is really quite simple: assuming they have reason to believe that the gold is buried there, and the gold is owed to them as the means to settle a judgement, then it is very much their legal right to recover that property.
"Italian Garden" Joke (Score:5, Funny)
(Found here [typepad.com])
Just make sure you tell them that you think the bars are buried under those big rocks you've been wanting to remove from the garden
Re:"Italian Garden" Joke.. in Soviet Russia (Score:5, Funny)
The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this KGB?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the
State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search
the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no
diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.
The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.
"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
"Yes."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:3, Interesting)
For all we know, Jimmy Hoffa could be buried there
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
"After months of intense excavating, all that was found was the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa holding O.J.'s Heisman trophy."
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
And finally there's a consideration of the land having some environmental value such as being part wetland or home to wild grasses (this is all, of co
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
Well Murder is a crime, spamming is a crime so we're talking about quantitative not qualitative differences here. If the plunder was buried with permission, then the parents accessories before and after the fact; if it was without permission at the least they are inocently in possesion of stolen property. I wouldn't expect the courts to be to protective of Hawke's rights as he didn't even respect the court enough to attend his own trial. AOL
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:3, Funny)
Well if they use a potato fork, AOL could be the most lucrative Gold Farmers in history.
Damage could be desirable (Score:4, Insightful)
I'd say that the best way to do it would be to go in there with heavy equipment, and just run all the dirt on the property down to a depth of about six feet or so through a sifter. It's probably reasonably cheap from AOL's perspective (all you need is a backhoe and a separator/sifter -- that's probably not the right term for it, but you've probably seen the machines that do this), and it creates a nice TV image if what you want to show is a spammer/family-of-spammer getting their lives trashed.
A whole lot of people out there really hate spammers; it's one of those things that pretty much everybody hates and has to deal with, and the idea that people who profited (potentially) from spam are getting their lives turned upside down isn't necessarily a bad PR move. Of course, it could easily backfire if the people in question can portray themselves as the victims, but if they're sufficiently uncharismatic, don't think for a moment that the American public won't be beside themselves with glee seeing their lawn get trashed. Public opinion in this country has a bit of a vengeful streak -- there's nothing we like better than seeing karma come around and bite someone in the ass.
All depends on who can make themselves look like the good guy.
Re:Damage could be desirable (Score:2)
Re:Damage could be desirable (Score:3, Insightful)
This is the spammer's parents' house. If you read the article, you would know that the spammer drove an old beater car and never owned property. He was a millionaire on paper, not by lifestyle. Punishing his parents for his crime is wrong and illegal.
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:5, Insightful)
And using heavy machinery does seem a bit like overkill. If the guy did bury his ill-gotten gains there, then he did it with a spade. Surely an old fashioned metal detector would do the trick, and failing that one of those clever underground scanners the archeologists use.
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
And on top of that, the result would be "a garden somebody else made", which has a very different feel to "our garden that we made".
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
If there's sufficient reason to believe that his parents are complicit in the caching of the ill-gotten gains, then I think they should bulldoze the house, too.
Otherwise, you're right; they should be doing imaging, not digging indis
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:3, Insightful)
Have you ever tried to "fix" a tree with a bulldozer?
KFG
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:2)
Re:Nothing to hide? (Score:3, Interesting)
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Starship_Troopers [wikiquote.org]
Why not just use shovels? (Score:2, Insightful)
I think it's a little bit of an overkill. If the article is true, the man just used shovels to hide the gold. Sounds like the ol' Gold Rush to me.
"AOL said it will try to accommodate Hawke's parents by not being too obtrusive."
lol
Re:Why not just use shovels? (Score:5, Funny)
Now that's what I call an abundance of sensitivity!
Re:Why not just use shovels? (Score:2)
Spammers vs AOL (Score:5, Funny)
Oh Come On....... (Score:2)
Oh well (Score:5, Interesting)
As if bulldozers weren't obtrusive when they're tearing up your yard?
Is it possible for AOL to do anything even more stupid? Are they trying to set a record for stuipd things in a month? Never have the mighty fallen so far.
Re:Oh well (Score:5, Funny)
Well, the RIAA sued a dead person. Being number two I guess they feel they have to try harder.
KFG
Re:Oh well (Score:2)
Race to the bottom (Score:2)
X marks the spot (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:X marks the spot (Score:5, Funny)
I believe the burrowing creatures you refer to are known as lawyers.
Re:X marks the spot (Score:2)
Plus I doubt AOL would do the digging themselves; if they get a court order, they'll probably have the searching done
Yarrr.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Yarrr.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Yarrr.... (Score:2)
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/ [talklikeapirate.com]
Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:4, Insightful)
I would assume that a non-intrusive "search" of the property would at least be a middle ground between the two sides.
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:2)
Unnecessary and too complicated (Score:2)
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:2)
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:2)
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:2)
Maybe that gives you a clue on theit other techniques
Throw your TV away (Score:2)
Re:Unless TV Has Lied to Me ... (Score:2)
-Peter
How things change (Score:5, Funny)
Damages (Score:5, Funny)
Oh come on! This is a real life treasure hunt! (Score:3)
What they should do is offer a 10% fee for finding the treasure.
Dear Sirs, Madams.. (Score:4, Funny)
We hear at Shark, Shark and Partners represent the Golde's estate. The estate firmly believe that the gold and platinum belong to people/s that have been victims of spam. Certainly not AOL.
with that in mind the estate would like to invite the public to be in a "treasure hunt". Unfortunately, due to obvious reasons, this cannot be open to all publics.
Hence we have selested a lucky few to be in the treasure hunt.
Only 400 has been invited.
Please reply to this e-mail to accept.
A processing fee of 20'000 will be required from each participant.
Yours truly.
Darl M.
P.s.. It's very sunny here in Chad. Hope to be vacationing with you next year here.
P.s.. A processing fee of 20'000 will be required from each participant. We are sure this ceratinly will be a drop
Tell them to look here (Score:2)
Ha (Score:3, Funny)
**grabs shovel**
Erm? (Score:2, Funny)
Charlie Murphy... (Score:2)
Urgent business opportunity (Score:5, Funny)
This is Davis Wolfgang Hawke, an ex-spammer that lost a $12 million lawsuit from AOL, who are going to seize my $6 million in gold and platinum bars that I've hidden in the area of Boston, MA.
I need to recover the gold bars as soon as possible, before the AOL investigators get a chance to dig them up, however, I am unable to come back to US in fear of being arrested.
To this end, I'm seeking your cooperation. I'm willing to provide you with 10% share of the fortune, which is $600,000 dollars (sig hundred thousand dollars) in gold and platinum bars. Please, this business is extremely urgent and I will need your cooperation soon. I know you are a honest person, because I found your name in one of my extensively verified spam-lists, and I would like to conduct this business with you. You can remain confident that this business is completely safe as there is no risk for you whatsoever, only gains to be made. If you are willing to make this business with me, contact me at grep_shmep_20143@yahoo.com.
Best Regards,
Davis
Medfield, Ma (Score:2, Interesting)
It's not just any gold (Score:3, Funny)
The sweetest loot of all.
Keeping AOL of your property (Score:2, Funny)
2) Invite Dick Cheney
3) Invite AOL to come dig
4) Make commemorative buttons
5) Profit - Earn more than buried treasure is worth
(ducks)
Uh, metal detector? (Score:2)
1) Haven't these people heard of a metal detector?
2) Now that this is public, have the authorities or AOL taken steps to stop random people sneaking onto this poor family's property in the dead of night to do a little digging?
poor family? - free vacations (Score:2)
Ah, it's ironic... (Score:5, Insightful)
AOL used to spam too... (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:AOL used to spam too... (Score:3, Insightful)
But those AOL CDs do cost money to throw away, even if you live in a city with free trash pickup, or you take these CDs to someone else's trashbin, or you donate them to goodwill. It's petty to think about, your end expence to toss them is rather small, but think about how many of those suckers are in the landfill and how much space they occcupy, and
When Sarcasm backfires. (Score:2)
Fools (Score:5, Funny)
Gold and Platinum? (Score:2)
Gold Rush! (Score:2)
Obligatory TV Movie quote (Score:2)
I remember the very ending, where their doorbell rings, and their landlord tells them, "Congratulations! We just found out that your septic tank is not up to code, so we'll have to install a brand new one for you!" The family members shout with dismay, until the father
Hmmm spammer huh? (Score:2)
Bring it on! (Score:5, Funny)
-Matt
Re:Bring it on! (Score:2, Funny)
Buried treasure in New Hampshire!!! (Score:2)
A clue! Buried treasure up in the White Mountains! There is going to be some serious treasure hunting going on up there...
Game transcript from Neverwinter Nights: (Score:2)
I Love Reality (Score:2)
Stories like this prove that fact is WAY funnier than fiction.
Re:Wait... (Score:3, Informative)
In other words, he can't be found, and this is a civil, not c
Re:Wait... (Score:4, Insightful)
As much as I hate the spammer, I have to credit him that he was bright enough to know how to commit a lucrative crime. People who work average pay jobs but start profiting from fraud or theft, often expose themselves as they start turning up to work in Ferraris and buying big new houses, they just shout to the world "I am making too much money somehow". Patiently buying gold is a smart way to work, you just have to know when to quit so you can spend your cash, away from the scene of the crime. I guess DWH has done just this.
Personally, I can see the logic in hunting in the parents garden, as it seems he was living there when he was aquiring the gold. But isn't it more likely he has just taken them wherever he has gone?
property records, googlemaps, metal detector... (Score:5, Interesting)
Assuming he was smart, he has already moved some of the gold to another country and is living outside the US. What he buried on his parents property was safe for a while, and he could always return and dig it up as needed. What he didn't count on was AOL's private investigators finding his receipts for gold bars, which gave them a lead to how he hid his wealth.
Now AOL is trying to force his hand. If a large portion of the gold remains on his parent's property, he'll need to return and dig it up before AOL gets a court order. Presumably the property is under surveillance by private detectives who will get a share if they can detect exactly where the stash is hidden and give the courts precise information allowing a less costly recovery. AOL probably doesn't care much about getting the money for themselves as denying the spammer access to it. It sends a message to other spammers that no matter how hard they try to hide their wealth, AOL and the courts will eventually recover it.
It should be entertaining to see how many treasure hunters find his parent's property and start prospecting in the middle of the night. I'd expect after national news coverage like this, tonight there will be several new holes dug in his parents property, and within weeks most of the property will have been scanned by 'passers-by' who just happened to have a sensitive metal detector while taking a short cut from A to B. If AOL doesn't get in there soon, the gold will certainly be gone, either the parents know where it is and will recover it, the scammer will return some night to get it, or a treasure hunter will eventually get lucky.
I'm on the wrong continent, so I'll just sit back and wait for the first
the AC
US$600,000 per month!?! Damn, I'm in the wrong line of work. Curse my parents for raising me with a sense of morality
Re:property records, googlemaps, metal detector... (Score:5, Funny)
A-4? (Score:2)
He doesn't have any money (Score:5, Insightful)
People are creatures of habit and familiarity, he's probably hidden it somewhere he's familiar with and is fairly sure it's unlikely to be disturbed. Places he's visited regularly, holidayed, relatives etc. The more often he's been there the greater the familiarity and the greater the chance he's hidden it there. AOL are going after the logical first target.
Re:He doesn't have any money (Score:2)
Re:Wait... (Score:2)
Take away all income and possessions until the debt is paid.
He now either has the choice of living in povery until he dies or digging up the gold/platinum himself and hoping to reclaim some sort of live afterwards.
Re:Wait... (Score:3, Insightful)
Someone didn't read the article. His income was from spamming and the only siezable possessions are a used cop car (whereabouts unknown) and . .
. .
He now either has the choice of living in povery. .
He has already made that choice. For some reason he just likes the idea of living in poverty with gold and platinum buried somewhere. Makes him feel comfy or something just knowing it's there while he's eating co
Re:Wait... (Score:2)
RTFA. AOL wants to search the spammer's PARENT's property for gold they allege he buried there. He's long gone, no known property to seize.
Re:Geez.. (Score:2)
You've got gold (Score:2)
AOL has a new contest out called Gold Rush that started a few days ago. http://goldrush.aol.com/ [aol.com] (warning, flash, sound, possibly NSFW, datamining)
Its an advertising gimick
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2, Insightful)
Maybe, maybe not, but then they aren't punishing the guilty. They're punishing the guilty's parents without any real probable cause for believing the bars are actually on the property.
The parents claim that they're buried in the White Mountains somewhere not only sounds reasonable, but probable.
Oh, hey! I've got relatives in North Conway I can stay with. Hands off Washington, Jefferson and Monroe people. I claim them. They're
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:3, Insightful)
Now that the parents of the culprit should have to suffer, is a different matter. They might
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2)
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2)
Just cause you are doing something that you can be liable for...doesnt mean you dont pay the taxes on it.
As seen here, the IRS would win, AOL will probably lose and never collect anything.
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2)
They seem to be innocent of raising an honest child.
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2)
Considering that spamming made the spammer enough money to get platinum and gold ingots to begin with, I'd say "yes."
If the money was made illicitly, why should the spammer be allowed to hold on to it and hide it from the victims?
"Perhaps those who agree with this are also the ones who agree that the RIAA are right to sue file sharers,"
How much money do P2P users get for uploading MP3s? Where's
Re:Sounds liek the RIAA again (Score:2)
Re:/2 (Score:3, Funny)
I always figured AOL for a Tauren myself. Big, slow-moving, funny looking, and not a whole lot of INT.