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Security

Web Site Attacks Are On The Rise 281

Posted by CmdrTaco from the script-kiddies-under-every-rock dept.
Nicholas Roussos writes "According to recent numbers from 2004, website attacks are on the rise, and many of them are being performed by mischevious school kids. Some of their favorite targets include U.S. government and military websites."
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Web Site Attacks Are On The Rise More

Web Site Attacks Are On The Rise

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  • Recent numbers as of 2004?!?!? Cripes, that's like ... what? The dark ages! It's practically in cuneiform, even. What takes so long for this kind of thing to get to press? Oh, right, right... the server with the information was being attacked and it took a few months to figure out how to disconnect it from the network and get data off of it... "anybody still got one of those 3.5" floppy disks?"

    I couldn't help but notice that almost every site with a link in a slashdot article gets virtually nuked!

    ther

    • Are you saying we should be able to compare the final numbers for 2005 to 2004 now, as opposed to 2003 to 2004?

      I assume you mean to complain the stats weren't published in January I guess. Your comment is modded funny, and this may have been your goal. If not, just who do you think should be busting his or her ass to get you this timely information. Somebody got around to looking at the trend and published it, and you seem to be bitching they didn't personally call you on New Year Eve with the final stats.

      Chill.

  • I don't think that this is new though. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by lecithin ( 745575 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:49AM (#12349249)
    According to recent numbers from 2004,
    According to recent numbers from 2003,
    According to recent numbers from 2002,
    According to recent numbers from 2001,
    According to recent numbers from 2000, ...
    Website attacks are on the rise.

    I bet we see this in 2005 as well.

    What would really be news if we saw website attacks decline.

    • Re:I don't think that this is new though. (Score:5, Funny)

      by ackthpt ( 218170 ) * on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:54AM (#12349316) Homepage Journal
      Website attacks are on the rise.
      I bet we see this in 2005 as well.
      What would really be news if we saw website attacks decline.

      There will be a decline ... cut-backs and all, we had to lay off a lot of script kiddies and the rest is being outsourced to East Velcro.

      • ub3r 1337 h4xx0rz (Score:2, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward
        I wish people will stop calling these script kiddie noobs "Hackers". Remember the days when a hacker was a skilled programmer? The media said, "Hey! Let's call criminals who use computers hackers! ('cause it sounds scary.) I am sorry, but the people who do this are no more of a hacker than a person who writes his name on the bathroom wall is a criminal mastermind.

    • Re:I don't think that this is new though. (Score:4, Insightful)

      by bmw ( 115903 ) * on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:56AM (#12349347)
      What would really be news if we saw website attacks decline.

      No kidding.

      "This just in! Technology still advancing!"

      Obviously website attacks are going to increase as the number of people with computers and access to the internet increases.

  • FRIST POST!!! (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Hello, I am a mischievous school kid.

  • Careful! (Score:5, Interesting)

    by BWJones ( 18351 ) * on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:50AM (#12349267) Homepage Journal
    I have certainly seen the number of attacks rising on our academic computing resources as well as my blog [utah.edu]. Tracking IPs leads to lots of cable modems from Comcast and such which could be zombies, but given the lack of sophistication from those IPs, I have to wonder. Most of the attacks from these cable modem IPs are scripts directed at Windows vulnerabilities and buffer overflow attacks, but a few coming from Taiwan and Korea as well as some in the Balkans are fairly sophisticated that sometimes appear to come via compromised computers from other universities for example. Depending upon how sophisticated they are, I have reported some of them to Federal authorities who have the resources to subpoena logs and go after folks intruding into Federal resources. Interestingly others [blogspot.com] have also recently reported intrusions followed by blackmail which are likely not the domain of script kiddies. Certainly, comedy [boingboing.net] aside, one wonders if many of these kids have any idea of what they could actually be dealing with. Back in 1982 (we were 12), all that happened to us after hacking into government computers was my friend Lance getting his Apple ][+ confiscated followed by a job offer 9 years later from the same folks who confiscated his computer back in 1982. Now however, hacking into even an educational system could net you serious Federal penalties depending upon the system one hacks into. One admin friend of mine at a certain government lab is absolutely militant about this stuff. It has become her all consuming hobby to track these folks down and allocate whatever government resources she can muster to prosecute intruders into her systems. Woe be unto those that intrude into one of Melissa's systems.

    • Re:Careful! (Score:5, Funny)

      by nizo ( 81281 ) * on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:56AM (#12349339) Homepage Journal
      What is her site domain? Maybe I could point some of the zombies and such who keep poking around my domains with a redirect to her website so SHE can go track them down.....

    • Re:Careful! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Mignon ( 34109 ) <satan@programmer.net> on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:59AM (#12349384)
      It has become her all consuming hobby to track these folks down and allocate whatever government resources she can muster to prosecute intruders into her systems. Woe be unto those that intrude into one of Melissa's systems.

      She sounds like a chick I'd like to meet! Bet I'd impress her by writing a virus and naming it after her.

      • Re:Careful! (Score:3, Funny)

        by pegr ( 46683 ) *
        It has become her all consuming hobby to track these folks down and allocate whatever government resources she can muster to prosecute intruders into her systems. Woe be unto those that intrude into one of Melissa's systems.

        She sounds like a chick I'd like to meet! Bet I'd impress her by writing a virus and naming it after her

        I did it already... She wasn't impressed. :(
    • Woe be unto those that intrude into one of Melissa's systems.
      she takes care of her crew [ilovebees.com].
    • one wonders if many of these kids have any idea of what they could actually be dealing with. Back in 1982 (we were 12), all that happened to us after hacking into government computers was my friend Lance getting his Apple ][+ confiscated followed by a job offer 9 years later from the same folks who confiscated his computer back in 1982. Now however, hacking into even an educational system could net you serious Federal penalties depending upon the system one hacks into.

      Indeed, some good fodder for movies [imdb.com]

  • Worst of all... (Score:5, Funny)

    by nacturation ( 646836 ) <nacturation&gmail,com> on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:51AM (#12349277) Journal
    ... they're attacking slashdot too and posting dupes!

    • ... they're attacking slashdot too and posting dupes!

      Yeah, but at least my website hasn't been attacked. But, then again, I only get like 300 hits a month (and 2/3 of them are from within my own network). Sigh...

  • Oblig. (Score:5, Funny)

    by erktrek ( 473476 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:52AM (#12349287)
    .. and I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids!!!!

  • No surprises there, then (Score:5, Interesting)

    by davidmcw ( 97565 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:53AM (#12349297) Homepage
    We have an, unpublicised tech support website for our company use only. On looking at the weblogs, it looks like 80-90% of all traffic is attempted hacks. We even went as far as contacting the ISP of one particularly keen individual, they, of course, weren't in the slightest bit interested.
    • This is a major problem.

      ISPs don't want to take responsibility. Well, that's not fair. Local/small ISPs are very good at this, while large ISPs don't seem to care what their users are doing.

      I have reported a few people myself; hell, I tracked down one to an old address (they had moved a week before), but the ISP was not willing to do any work.

      There needs to be some owning up by these ISPs. I'd also love to see some harsher penalties. Some of these 15 year old kids deserve to go to pound-me-in-the-ass pr
      • ISPs don't want to take responsibility. Well, that's not fair. Local/small ISPs are very good at this, while large ISPs don't seem to care what their users are doing.

        Most ISPs do not want to spend the resources to fix what is essentially your problem. As long as the user is not doing anything illegal which would make the ISP liable it's not really their concern.

        ISPs are not in the business of making sure your servers are safe.

      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by account_deleted ( 4530225 )
        Comment removed based on user account deletion
        • Would you blame a phone company for people using their network for phone fraud? No.

          No, but I would expect the phone company's help in tracking down a serious offender, instead of just an automated "Thank you. We take these reports very seriously blah blah blah." (Never to be heard from again)

          • Comment removed based on user account deletion
          • I don't see why the ISPs couldn't take some sort of action in the case of a zombied PC on their network. After all, it's their network and their customers that are getting negatively affected by the zombie(s).

            All they have to do is call the owner and tell them that they have been compromised, and that they need to clean it up (like download, install, and run MS Antispyware, it's free). Then block all traffic from that PC's IP or MAC address, until the owner calls back and says they've addressed it, and t
            • Speaking of which, why is it that ISPs don't want you to host your own mail server/web server/ftp server etc.?

              Because they want you to buy their busine$$ cla$$ service if you do all that stuff.

    • Re:No surprises there, then (Score:5, Informative)

      by Tassach ( 137772 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:26PM (#12349644)
      On looking at the weblogs, it looks like 80-90% of all traffic is attempted hacks
      If your traffic pattern is like mine, 99% of these "hack" attempts are really IIS worms trying to propegate. It's sad to say that after nearly 4 years NIMDA, Code Red/Blue, and their spawn are still a daily annoyance. As long as you don't have an unpatched IIS instance open to the world, these attacks are no threat.

      The worms were polluting my weblogs so badly that I had to set up conditional logging in Apache to send them to a seperate log:

      SetEnvIf Request_URI "^/c/winnt" ATTACK
      SetEnvIf Request_URI "^/c/winnt" NO_LOGACCESS
      # etc
      CustomLog logs/attack_log common env=ATTACK
      CustomLog logs/access_log common env=!NO_LOGACCESS

      <Location />
      Order Allow,Deny
      Allow from all
      Deny from env=ATTACK
      ErrorDocument 403 "Worm Attack - Access Denied"
      </Location>
      • I don't have a website. I don't run a public server. I do have an old PII box running sshd and proftpd for the use of myself (remote config) and my family/friends (ftp more convenient than email for some things).
        I also have about 20MB per month worth of /var/log/messages (yes, all but today and yesterday are gzipped), which mainly look like this:

        Apr 25 15:30:08 localhost sshd[14642]: Connection from 209.58.101.239 port 47961
        Apr 25 15:30:10 localhost sshd[14642]: User ftp not allowed because not listed in

  • choice quote by Reuters (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:55AM (#12349325)
    "For the average person it sounds complicated but if you know what you are doing it's really quite easy," he said.

    Couldn't that statement be applied to any subject?
    • not necessarily. you might know how to make a complex microprocessor, but without the capital and equipment it is impossible.

      In this case, all you need is access to a computer.

  • Schoolboys? (Score:2, Interesting)

    by forum__32 ( 690326 )
    I think that comment is a little misleading...How many 15-16yr olds do you know with a policatal opinion like being called schoolboys?

    • Re:Schoolboys? (Score:5, Funny)

      by PaxTech ( 103481 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:05PM (#12349444) Homepage
      Whether they like being called schoolboys or not, it's what they are. Just because they have a political opinion that equates to "OMG W4R 15 B4D n0 Bl00d 4 01L LOL WTF" doesn't make me think of them as mature.
    • Not many, particularly among female 15-16yr olds.

    • Re:Schoolboys? (Score:5, Insightful)

      by ScentCone ( 795499 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:34PM (#12349721)
      I think that comment is a little misleading...How many 15-16yr olds do you know with a policatal opinion like being called schoolboys?

      I don't know... I'd say that's a perfectly appropriate label for someone with such a weak philosophy that only through defacing someone else's words or information do they think they're communicating in a useful way. 15-16 year-olds are essentially twits, no matter what their fashionable political orientation. But it's clear that if cracking sites fits comfortably within the political system they do support, we don't really have to worry about hurting their poor, tender little feelings, do we? Boys, pre-pubescents, developmentally stunted... call them what you will, why should anyone care what they like (thus showing them any respect whatsoever) when their purpose, as deliberately shown through their actions, is to make a mockery of respect for anyone else? "Political opinion" indeed. I think "child's tantrum" is more like it, and that's not how you get someone to listen to your nascent ideology. Yup, schoolboys.

  • Which PR firm generated this story? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by justanyone ( 308934 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:58AM (#12349360) Homepage Journal

    Some would say that most news outside of the main NYT and others is generated by PR firms providiing "information" to reporters in the hopes of getting an article published. I would argue that the interesting thing about this "article" is not that the non-news it contains:

    * website attacks are most commonly peformed by schoolboys
    * attacks are on the rise
    * attacks are commonly politically motivated

    This "news" isn't new. Thus, who asked for the article or provided the info in it? Symantec, pushing antivirus software? Cisco, trying to induce worry about security in general and sell their more 'secure' routers? IBM, EDS, Siemens, or someone else, selling E-Commerce security software?

    Being a critical reader is not just asking, "is this story true". Nowadays, it's asking, "Why was this story published?"

    -- Kevin

  • Government "control"? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Evanisincontrol ( 830057 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:58AM (#12349363)
    What I find interesting is that the U.S. Government is constantly at battle with hordes of "mischievious school kids," and actually has a big PROBLEM with it.

    Explain to me, again, how school children can pose a serious threat to the United States government, and we still have the balls to declare war on a country in the middle east?
    • They have more pressing matters, I would imagine.

      Timmy running some exploit he found on a site from 1999 isn't really on par with, say, the governments secret plan to infiltrate Slashdot, and discredit the community with dupes, mispellings, irrational arguments, and ads disguised as stories.
    • Likely because they have to take every security threat seriously, and when you're getting thousands a day just from little kids trying to manually guess the secret password for the "Authorized users only" page at whitehouse.gov, it gets a little tiresome.
    • School kids do not have oil.

      Any other questions?

  • "Web Site Attacks Are On The Rise" (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @11:59AM (#12349383)
    "Web Site Attacks Are On The Rise"

    Tsssss... What is the world coming to when people get attacked by web sites. I still remember when we could co to sleep and leave the computer unlocked.

  • Top 5 attackers (Score:5, Informative)

    by Virtual Karma ( 862416 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:00PM (#12349389) Homepage
    Here is a list of top 5 attackers of Indian websites:

    AIC - 166 defacements - 21.28% [srijith.net]
    GForce Pakistan - 116 defacements - 14.87% [srijith.net]
    Silver Lords - 101 defacements - 12.95% [srijith.net]
    WFD - 59 defacements - 7.56% [srijith.net]
    ISOTK - 17 defacements - 2.18% [srijith.net]

  • There's not more attacks... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by c0ldfusi0n ( 736058 ) <admin@nospaM.c0ldfusi0n.org> on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:01PM (#12349400) Homepage
    There's just more targets.

  • mischevious school kids? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Reverant ( 581129 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:02PM (#12349417) Homepage
    I thought they were just w4r-h4rd3n3d AOL script kiddies!

  • Attack or Compromise? (Score:4, Informative)

    by kevin_conaway ( 585204 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:03PM (#12349420) Homepage
    Both articles from the summary indicate that the attacks on the the U.S. govt and military computers were just that, attacks. Anyone have any info on whether these were successful attacks or not? The Zone-H website is running a little slow to figure it out.
  • As the owner of a web hosting company for several years now (and one that stays away from Windows as much as possible), we've noticed a dramatic spike in attempted attacks on our servers in the past 12 months. If you put an unprotected /tmp directory (i.e. one that allows executable files) in a server that's connected directly to the Internet, you're asking for trouble. We've seen these boxes sending out spam or DOS'ing other servers (mostly targeting IRC servers) in a matter of hours from when we put them online. The hackers find some exploit like an old version of phpBB, insecure PHP code, etc. It's really not that hard; if you have several sites on a server, chances are that one of them has something vulnerable in a web-accessible directory. It's gotten so bad that we've devoted part of our standard CentOS install to locking down the /tmp directory so no files can be executed (and explaining this change to our customers.)

    Worse yet, the hacks have now turned to running perl or php from the command line on things in /tmp to get around the noexec mount option. The hack works like this:

    1) Find exploitable site. (Again, with the number of insecurities in commonly-used programs like phpBB, or god forbid, the *Nuke series, this isn't hard.)
    2) Upload perl script to /tmp.
    3) Run "perl [script name]" repeatedly to accomplish your goal.

    We've again locked down our servers to prevent this, but unfortunately, we can't make this part of our default install because our customers like to run perl and php from /tmp! (Argh.) So we simply educate them and tell them how to lock the servers down themselves, and why putting any scripts in /tmp is a Bad Idea.

    It's not just us, either... go to any forum where webmasters or hosting company owners congregate and you'll see this is one of the most common problems out there. Linux is no longer more secure as a web server... not when you factor in most of the PHP programs out there that people love, at least.
    • Linux is no longer more secure as a web server... not when you factor in most of the PHP programs out there that people love, at least.

      There's a fix in the wind... in the form of Mutex MPM [metux.de]

      It hosts each website under its own user account rather than a catchall account like "nobody". This makes it possible to lock down your system much more so than before, and makes it much easier, when auditing after an intrusion, to determine who dun what.

      It's really, REALLY a shame that this much-needed feature for
    • That's mostly gone away now that we got permission to set the firewall to default deny on incomming traffic, but it was bad for a while. The problem is that the users know almost nothing about computers. Most of the time they are competent enough to allow Windows to automatically install it's updates and allow the AV program to run (but not always). They were totally sunk in Linux though. So they'd set up Linux in a config with everything turned on in a default state, it'd get owned, we'd get an e-mail to a
    • Zone-H [zone-h.org] has a continuously updated chart on their front page that tracks today' verified attacks thus far:

      225 single IP
      352 mass defacements

      Linux (67.2%)

      Win 2000 (17.3%)

      Win 2003 (6.8%)

      FreeBSD (5.4%)

      SolarisSunOS (2.3%)

      Win NT9x (0.7%)

      NetBSDOpenBSD (0.2%)

      [other]... (0.2%)

  • In other news.... (Score:3, Funny)

    by ARRRLovin ( 807926 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:05PM (#12349441)
    Use of "electronic mail" has increased.

  • Attacks (Score:3, Funny)

    by dr_dank ( 472072 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:09PM (#12349483) Homepage Journal
    Website attacks are definitely on the rise. Last week, police arrested askjeeves.com for suspicion in a string of armed robberies.

  • Script Kiddies (Score:5, Insightful)

    by digitaldc ( 879047 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:10PM (#12349501)
    How did they come to the conclusion that many of these attacks are by kids? Just that the hacks spike when school is out? The article really didn't go into much detail.
    Nowadays, if you don't protect your website from being hacked, you might as well expect it to be hacked. Maybe they should try hacking Argus systems Pitbull LX and win(?) money.

  • Attacks in general are up (Score:4, Insightful)

    by TheLinuxWarrior ( 240496 ) <aaron.carr@nospam.aaroncarr.com> on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:11PM (#12349502)
    I don't think it's just web site stuff.
    I think it's attacks period.
    LogWatch is constantly telling me that people are trying to break into my servers via sshd or via ftpd.
    The really sorry part is that since most of them take place from outside the US, I dont even bother to report it, since the ISPs wont do anything about it.
    • I block as much of non-US and europe as I can find netblocks for.

      95% of the time, ssh hacking (attempts - but I use tcpwrappers to block) comes from china and the rest of asia.

      so far, I just block ssh and telnet and mail from those geo's. but soon I'll just blanket block them. I run a very low traffic site (mostly my own domain) and so its no big loss if those other rogue geos don't get in.

  • Slashdot is constantly being attacked (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:14PM (#12349544)
    By empty-headed schoolkids bent on mischief. These attacks are called "comments".

  • Websites run by inexperienced people... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by EnronHaliburton2004 ( 815366 ) * on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:21PM (#12349599) Homepage Journal
    Over the last couple years, I've noticed a large number of web projects being run & maintained by people who don't understand computer security or system administration [1].

    Concepts like 'rotate the log files or your disk will fill up & crash the site' or "Don't use FTP-- the passwords are sent over the Public Internet in cleartext" are beyond many of these website maintainers. Even many programmers who are great at project design, Object Oriented development, layout, etc. still miss these major issues.

    It's no suprise that website attacks are on the rise-- the projects are being run by people who know enough to be dangerous, but don't know enough to run the project well.

    [1] or good design, or simplified design, but that's another topic :)

    • Re:Websites run by inexperienced people... (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Emperor Shaddam IV ( 199709 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:31PM (#12349701) Journal
      Over the last couple of years??? Who are you kidding. I've been in IT for 15 years in various roles, and almost all projects are run by inexperienced project managers with little knowledge of computer security or system administration, and of database constraints/design, backup, recovery, good coding standards, performance, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

      The Internet is airing the age old laundry of IT for the entire world to smell. And boy it stinks...
      • Right. I didn't meant o imply that it hasn't been happening for a long time.

        However, I think in the last couple years it has really spiked. There are all sorts of new 'dotcom'-type projects out there today which aren't being run correctly, many leftover projects from the dotcom bust, being run by a small staff.

        Or maybe I'm just really starting to notice it :)

  • Hah! Smart enough? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by TerminaMorte ( 729622 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:22PM (#12349604) Homepage
    "A lot of 15- and 16-year-old guys are smart enough to have strong political opinions,"

    Agreed, VERY strong political opinions!... just usually not their own.

    "Well, my teacher says Kerry is great because he likes *insert rapper here*", or "OMFG, EATING ANIMALS IS MEAN".

    Most of their political opinions don't mean a thing. Not to say all kids are like this, of course.
    • Cuts both ways:

      "All the people on TV say Bush does a good job!" "My teacher said judges are activists nowadays*"

      *heard in a classroom recently.

      There will always be that kind of young idealism you seem to be decrying in your post, but the shift to the right under all things "anti-terror" in the teen community seems pretty damn real to me. Remember the "patriotic hackers" back when the war started? Wonder how old they were. I'm sure they're all college republicans now.
  • Here in Mexico most mass-defaced webpages are because of a flaw in a bulletin board software.

    All because shared hosts aren't root-caged properly. Seriously, this needs to change. But how? :(

  • From the article: (Score:5, Insightful)

    by asoko ( 657763 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:24PM (#12349619)
    "A lot of 15- and 16-year-old guys are smart enough to have strong political opinions," Roberto Preatoni, Zone-H founder, told Reuters on Monday.

    Since when did intelligence become a prerequisite for having strong political opinions?

  • This is why... (Score:5, Funny)

    by The Pim ( 140414 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:25PM (#12349633)
    web sites should be caged or leashed at all times, and large, aggressive breeds of web site should require a license. Also, teach your children never to tease web sites.

  • Someone's gonna say it.... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Yumi Saotome ( 470249 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @12:34PM (#12349722) Journal
    In Soviet Russia, Websites attack you!
  • That would cause those 15,16 year old script kiddies to grow up quickly.
    Also the military is so high-tech with remote reconaissance and robo-planes, that their expertise would be welcomed.
    Not to mention a current shortage of US soldiers.


    (Watch those script-kiddies md this to -1000.)
  • Once GSM telephone platforms are replaced by VoIP and 3G phones, which work in the same way as Internet servers, the number of Web servers will increase to 1.5bn," he said. "Each of these phones will potentially be subject to the same vulnerabilities as traditional Web servers and personal computers.
    This smells bogus to me. The phones will presumably be shipped in some kind of fairly secure configuration, with nearly all services turned off.

  • How to solve the problem. (Score:4, Funny)

    by edunbar93 ( 141167 ) on Tuesday April 26, 2005 @01:12PM (#12350195)
    Find a bunch of these l33t h4x0r5, then one day after school there's a rash of incidents like this:

    A black van screeches to a halt at the crosswalk that 13 year old Brody Seminuk is standing at, the side door opens and men in black ski masks yank him off the sidewalk and into the van, in full view of his friends. The van jackrabbits away from the curb and the interrogation immediately begins.

    MIB: WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!
    BS: What?! I don't have a job!
    MIB: DON'T BULLSHIT US! WE KNOW YOU'RE WORKING FOR INTERNATIONAL TERRORISTS!
    BS: International terrorists!? But...! But...!
    MIB: Don't lie to us boy! We'll beat the truth out of you if we have to!
    BS: I don't know any terrorists! What are you talking about!?
    MIB: You tried 32,812 times to break into www.edwards.af.mil!
    BS: Oh shit!

    Van stops in an underground parking garage, where Brody is shoved into a new van, with new interrogators.

    MIB: WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!!
    BS: I'm not working for anyone! I don't know any terrorists!

    An old, battered van that has "Ed's plumbing" written on the side stops briefly and Brody is pushed out the back door, wearing only his underwear.

    Friend 1: Dude, are you alright? We thought you were going to die!
    Friend 2: They didn't rape you or anything, did they?
    Brody: Got any money? I need a cab home.
    Friend 1: Yeah, yeah, I have about $12.
    Brody: call me a cab then.
    Friend 2: What was that all about anyway.
    Brody: Don't hack into Edwards. They really mean it.
    Friend 2: You mean Edwards AFB?
    Brody: Yes.
    Friend 2: Um, what's that smell?
    Brody: Shut up and dial.
  • In other news, scientists have discovered that cheese is made from milk, skydiving without a parachute has a 99.99998% chance of resulting in death, and that galvanized rubber is not edible.

    Come on, this was news? Website attacks are STILL GOING ON... performed by KIDS? Announcing that the earth was still round would have been more surprising.

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