Journal mcgrew's Journal: Uploading Amy's Parrot 2
Cartoon city? It looks like this whole state is cartoonish! They found a dead bear in Hugo, a bar lost its liquor license for women wrestling topless and Police used pepper spray on mourners gathering at the home of a dead baby.
And I thought MY life was wierd!
Arr! Shiver me timbers! Avast, ye swabbies! It be international talk like a pirate day, ye dirty dogs! Now ger yer rum, boys.
It be appearin' that slashdot be changin' its code again, and the dirty landlubbers got a bug; I can't get me links ta work without sayin' HTML, and the <p> tag don't be workin' on the first paragraph, ARR! Blow me down!
***
I had a heart-to-heart talk with Charlie, this time without the shouting and insults, and apologized for the filthy names I'd called her.
"But dammit, Charlie, my ex-wife was like that and you really struck a nerve. Her way of saying 'no way in hell' was 'I promise'".
"I'm sorry I said it, but I didn't know what else to do or say. You looked so miserable, I felt so sorry for you I just wanted to cheer you up. I didn't think."
"It's ok but PLEASE don't offer sex to me any more, OK?"
"I promise. Look, I haven't had sex in years, not since my last divorce."
"What happened?"
"He hit me in the face with a baseball bat. I've been afraid of men ever since."
"That's why you were ok with Ralph--"
"Well yeah, he could hardly walk without his cane, you know. And you - well, I was there when Lance sucker punched you. I saw how hard he hit you, and how you jumped back up, and how you had the cops let him go... I could see that there was at least one guy who wasn't violent. Anybody else would have killed him."
Damn. I didn't know what to say. So I said "damn." And the doorbell rang - it was Amy, and she had a bottle of Canadian Superior. Charlie and I opened beers and Amy poured a half glass of whiskey. "Can I crash here for a while? Until I can get a bed at the abused women's shelter?"
We all got incredibly drunk, and I went to bed, the girls still drinking. The next morning Amy was gone.
I went home for lunch, and Charlie was still on the couch but awake and miserable. "If I close my eyes the room spins, and if I open 'em I feel like throwing up. It ought to be illegal to feel this bad!"
"It was in my grandpa's day. Hey, how many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbub?"
"I don't know, how many?"
"Three; one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins!"
Jerry Springger was on the TV as I ate, some woman was trying to keep her lesbian daughter from marrying another woman. Some hippie-looking guy was pretending to be a preacher marrying them, and some Indian was throwing flower petals and the mom was throwing them back. For all I know the hippie could have been ordained, but Springer's taped in Chicago and it's illegal to marry someone of your own sex in Illinois.
If they legalize "gay marriage" here I'm going to push for legalizing polygamy; I might as well be married to all these women who show up at my door. Maybe I could get laid once in a while if I had a half dozen wives!
Charlie had no idea where Amy went. "Probably back with Connor," I said. No, his first name isn't John, but nobody calls him by his first name, not even Amy.
"God I feel like shit," Charlie said. "If you ever see me with a drink again, knock it out of my hand!" She must have helped Amy with that fifth. I finished lunch and went back to work.
When I got home, Amy was back. She, too was miserable - she'd wrenched her back somehow. She left with Charlie shortly after I got home. Ten minutes later Connor called, asking if I'd seen her. "You just missed her," I said.
I spent the evening reading, and Charlie and Amy showed up just as I was getting ready for bed. I wondered what we were going to do with Amy - my daughter's friend was getting married, and she and her fiancee were coming for the wedding. She'd wanted to get a hotel because her bed in the spare bedroom (that I'd promised not to let anyone use, which is why Charlie was on the couch) was too small. She'd called as I was reading about Wonko's fishbowl and said that they may be staying at home after all, because they had to rent a car so money was tight.
I was awakened by the door, and Charlie was in the bathroom. "Is somebody here?" I asked her.
"Connor."
Good, Amy would be gone - one problem solved.
When I got up for work, Charlie was on the couch and Amy was on a folding chair/bed thing on the floor. She woke up when I turned on the light. Connor had come to get his house key from her - they were through.
Next: Lunch with Evil-X
Crazy Talk (Score:1)
Re: (Score:2)