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Reasons You're Not Getting Interviews; Plus Some Crazy Real Resume Mistakes 246

Posted by Slashdot Staff
from the don't-sign-your-cover-letter-in-blood dept.
Yvonne Lee, Community Manager at Dice.com writes, "Not using standard job titles, not tying your work to real business results and not using the right keywords can mean never getting called for an interview, even if you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to use the exact wording found in the ad when placing your keywords. I think you're even more unlikely to get a job if you do some of the things on this list."
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Reasons You're Not Getting Interviews; Plus Some Crazy Real Resume Mistakes

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  • LMFTFY (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @05:55PM (#42888525)
    Yvonne Lee, Toolbag Mouthpiece at Dice.com writes, "Using a thinly veiled facade to make yourself appear to be a PR authority figure, not tying your true intent to forced Slashdot stories and not letting the site continue on as it was can mean the systematic destruction of the very asset you paid good money for, even if you thought you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to let the editors decide what is newsworthy and what is not. I think you're even more unlikely to get a return on your investment if you do exactly what I'm doing right now."
  • Again? (Score:5, Funny)

    by olip85 (1770514) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @05:58PM (#42888577)

    Another link to dice.com? That must be a great site! No time to comment! I'm heading over there RIGHT NOW!!

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:04PM (#42888629)
    CEO of Dice: How can we make ourselves appear to be an authority figure on hiring.
    Yvonne Lee: Well, really all you need is eyeballs that people will automatically use to read whatever you put in front of them.
    CEO of Dice: Yes, but how do we do that?
    Yvonne Lee: Um, you could purchase a tech blog site like Slashdot.org.
    CEO of Dice: "Slashdot"? Sounds violent ... would that work?
    Yvonne Lee: Yes, everything that goes up on there is widely regarded as fact by millions of idiots every day.
    CEO of Dice: Very well, one slash dot dot org, please! *holds up $137 in small bills and drops some change on the table*
  • Dice.com (Score:5, Funny)

    by Swampash (1131503) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:06PM (#42888645)

    After study a couple of of the weblog posts on your internet site now, and I genuinely like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and will probably be checking back soon. I certainly will be recommend dice.com to all friends and good family.

    News for nerds, stuff that matters.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:06PM (#42888655)

    I need to know where /. moved to. I didn't realize this url was now the Dice.com blog.

  • Re:Again? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:08PM (#42888687)

    I know what you're thinking, and they don't sell actual dice.

  • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Funny)

    by erikkemperman (252014) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:09PM (#42888697)

    Seconded.

    Still, may as well try to make the best of it. Joey Coumeau wrote some pretty funny job applications:

    http://www.asofterworld.com/oqarchive.php [asofterworld.com]

  • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Funny)

    by SomePgmr (2021234) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:09PM (#42888701) Homepage
    Right now there's a slashdot editor yelling across the office, "See? I tried to tell you this was a bad idea."
  • Re:Again? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Obfuscant (592200) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:21PM (#42888833)
    Isn't that the official website of celebrated comedian and all-round nice guy Andrew "Dice" Clay? I mean, they can't have the domain name for a trademarked person and not be the official site, can they?

    Someone who is a libertarian ought to complain to the UN/WIPO/ICANN/whatever and try to get it taken away.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:42PM (#42889067)

    Dear Anonymous Coward. Thanks for your comment. I read it and enjoyed it. In fact, I did follow your advice. After work I went home and got out the 15" DilBlastastic and did fuck myself. It was very enjoyable. I will be repeating the experience again this evening. Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you enjoy my work.

    Yours,

    Yvonne.

  • Re:LMFTFY (Score:4, Funny)

    by Ol Biscuitbarrel (1859702) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:42PM (#42889071)

    Not going to touch "increase user stickiness" with a ten foot pole.

    I see what you did there.

  • by ponds (728911) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:47PM (#42889123)
    Every time I read one of these, it confirms that there's no purpose in Slashdot anymore, but my muscle memory for the last ~12 years or so keeps navigating me to slashdot subconciously. Then when I figure out what I'm doing, I get all sad. Anyone else in this situation? This is not intended to be modded Funny :/
  • by VAXcat (674775) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @08:09PM (#42890069)
    This reminds me of an application bought here at MegaBigCompany years back that promised to automatically scan, sort, classify, grade and determine what resumes where good for what job openings. HR was thrilled at the work it would save. We lost a lot of faith in it when we noticed that it reported many of applicants whose resumes it had scanned had gone to the University of Nix....we wondered, did they all go to a strangely named college? Then it occurred to me that the app was parsing UNIX on the resumes of people looking for IT jobs, as the University of Nix....
  • by mutube (981006) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @10:09PM (#42891233) Homepage

    Yvonne Lee, Community Manager at Dice.com writes,

    I went for a job at NASA yesterday.
    Everything was going well until they asked me what my ambitions were.
    I replied, "The sky's the limit!" and they told me I wasn't suitable :/

  • Re:LMFTFY (Score:5, Funny)

    by houstonbofh (602064) on Thursday February 14, 2013 @12:54AM (#42892455)

    The problem with all these stories on how to write your resume is that they're written by people who are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

    The bigger problem is that the people who review your resume are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

  • Re:HWGA (Score:4, Funny)

    by tompaulco (629533) on Thursday February 14, 2013 @11:49AM (#42895999) Homepage Journal
    A reply explaining Dice (somewhat snarkily, I admit, but true) to a question about Dice on a site owned by Dice in an article which is an advertisement for Dice is modded off-topic. All hail the new Dice overlords!

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