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Reasons You're Not Getting Interviews; Plus Some Crazy Real Resume Mistakes 246

Posted by Slashdot Staff
from the don't-sign-your-cover-letter-in-blood dept.
Yvonne Lee, Community Manager at Dice.com writes, "Not using standard job titles, not tying your work to real business results and not using the right keywords can mean never getting called for an interview, even if you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to use the exact wording found in the ad when placing your keywords. I think you're even more unlikely to get a job if you do some of the things on this list."
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Reasons You're Not Getting Interviews; Plus Some Crazy Real Resume Mistakes

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  • LMFTFY (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @05:55PM (#42888525)
    Yvonne Lee, Toolbag Mouthpiece at Dice.com writes, "Using a thinly veiled facade to make yourself appear to be a PR authority figure, not tying your true intent to forced Slashdot stories and not letting the site continue on as it was can mean the systematic destruction of the very asset you paid good money for, even if you thought you have the right skills to do the job. I once heard advice to let the editors decide what is newsworthy and what is not. I think you're even more unlikely to get a return on your investment if you do exactly what I'm doing right now."
    • Re:LMFTFY (Score:5, Informative)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:07PM (#42888675)

      What she really thinks she's doing [linkedin.com]: "Using job and industry news to increase user stickiness, SEO performance and conversion into jobs database". I wonder how that's working out?

      • Re:LMFTFY (Score:5, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:31PM (#42888939)

        What she really thinks she's doing [linkedin.com]: "Using job and industry news to increase user stickiness, SEO performance and conversion into jobs database". I wonder how that's working out?

        Not going to touch "increase user stickiness" with a ten foot pole.

        What's depressing is that she's been at this shit for 10 years, and her top accomplishments are things like, "simultaneously managed two magazine sections and a web publication."

        The problem with all these stories on how to write your resume is that they're written by people who are fundamentally useless and are stuck writing puff pieces and managing someone's twitter account.

    • by SomePgmr (2021234) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:17PM (#42888801) Homepage
      The best part was the tag, "nodice". I got a laugh out of that... can we make it a recurring thing if we keep getting these?
      • by David_W (35680)

        Sorry to toot my own horn, but that may be my doing [slashdot.org]... note that this one was tagged nodice before I got here, so hopefully people are picking up the trend.

        (Wow, I may have started a Slashdot trend... should I be proud or sad...)

    • Re:LMFTFY (Score:5, Interesting)

      by cod3r_ (2031620) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:20PM (#42888819)
      what exactly is a community manager?
    • Re:LMFTFY (Score:5, Informative)

      by richlv (778496) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:45PM (#42889109)

      wahaha. i only opened this article to comment that it's an annoying amount of non-geek advertisement-like stories from dice - thanks for putting it first in a more humourous way :)

      my search for previous adverts revealed lower right corner text "Slashdot is a Dice Holdings, Inc. company"

      bad website, bad. sit, no bone for you.

    • by jythie (914043)
      At this point I am skeptical to take advice from people at Dice. When they start posting actual jobs maybe I will listen... but for the moment I do not think they really have the needs of job hunters in mind.
  • HWGA (Score:5, Insightful)

    by drcheap (1897540) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @05:58PM (#42888575) Journal

    Yup...here we go again.

    F U dice.com, F U.

    • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Funny)

      by erikkemperman (252014) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:09PM (#42888697)

      Seconded.

      Still, may as well try to make the best of it. Joey Coumeau wrote some pretty funny job applications:

      http://www.asofterworld.com/oqarchive.php [asofterworld.com]

      • Still, may as well try to make the best of it. Joey Coumeau wrote some pretty funny job applications:

        http://www.asofterworld.com/oqarchive.php [asofterworld.com]

        Thanks a lot for that link. It's making my evening.

        BTW, I need to insert this string in the thread:
        fuck you dice.com
        Also:
        fuck dice.com

        (because F U sometimes just isn't enough).

    • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Funny)

      by SomePgmr (2021234) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:09PM (#42888701) Homepage
      Right now there's a slashdot editor yelling across the office, "See? I tried to tell you this was a bad idea."
      • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Interesting)

        by _anomaly_ (127254) <anomaly@nOsPaM.geekbits.com> on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:32PM (#42888953) Homepage
        What? Posting a summary on slashdot of a Dice.com fluff piece from June 2011 isn't a good idea?!
        • Re:HWGA (Score:5, Insightful)

          by dubbreak (623656) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:55PM (#42889223)
          That actually made me laugh out loud. The sad thing is that most likely reflects reality.

          You have got to be pretty out of touch to think doing that is a good idea. It's not one of those things that "looks good on paper" then takes a nose dive. It was a bad call from the get go.

          Of course it could be worse. Every front page story could be a shoddy summary and link to a Dice.com "article". Personally I'm still reeling over the How to use a Linux Virtual Private Server [slashdot.org] "article". What's worse is they moved the "article" from Dice.com to slashdot itself [slashdot.org] to, I dunno, give it more credibility?

          "Hey, this old fluff piece we wrote has something about Linux! We should post a story about it!"

          "Shoot, they didn't like that it's a Dice.com article"

          "I KNOW.. we'll move it to the slashdot domain.. that way it'll be credible!!!"
          "Awesome idea!!!"
          *back pats all around*
    • You could always offer to pay for the site instead of the advertisements. That and you don't have to click the dice link. I appreciated the forbes link even if it wasn't the best thing I've read today.
      • by islisis (589694)

        As a paying member, I can assure you this advertisement is still well and truly in my face.

        • Funny, the "paying member" icon seems to be missing from your name. Might want to file a bug report. But point taken.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Common Joe (2807741)

      TFA is really "very helpful". Let's review:

      1) Use Industry Standard Job Titles: Hey! Great idea! Which one should I use? Programmer? Software developer? Software engineer? Software designer? Coder? Thank goodness it's standardized in the I.T. world!

      2) Tie Your Your Work to Business Results: What another fantastic idea. Because I know exactly how much my programming earns or saves a multi-million dollar business. I know that because managers always give detailed feedback to peons like me. Also,

  • Again? (Score:5, Funny)

    by olip85 (1770514) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @05:58PM (#42888577)

    Another link to dice.com? That must be a great site! No time to comment! I'm heading over there RIGHT NOW!!

    • Re:Again? (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:08PM (#42888687)

      I know what you're thinking, and they don't sell actual dice.

      • Re:Again? (Score:4, Funny)

        by Obfuscant (592200) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:21PM (#42888833)
        Isn't that the official website of celebrated comedian and all-round nice guy Andrew "Dice" Clay? I mean, they can't have the domain name for a trademarked person and not be the official site, can they?

        Someone who is a libertarian ought to complain to the UN/WIPO/ICANN/whatever and try to get it taken away.

    • by Pieroxy (222434)

      Actually the summary says "I think you're even more unlikely to get a job if you do some of the things on this list." pointing to Forbes, where the list on Forbes is of people that were all hired. Quite the opposite of the summary in fact...

    • by Beerdood (1451859)
      See this is your problem right here, slashdot users. Instead of just reading the summary/header and commenting - you've decided to first RTFA. Maybe you even clicked on all the links the summary.

      If you dumb asses would have read the comments first, you would instantly known it was a fluff piece / disguised advertising. But NOOO, you have to try to be knowledgeable about the subject before deciding you're qualified to comment. Well that'll learn ya for next time - *always* read the comments first!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:04PM (#42888629)
    CEO of Dice: How can we make ourselves appear to be an authority figure on hiring.
    Yvonne Lee: Well, really all you need is eyeballs that people will automatically use to read whatever you put in front of them.
    CEO of Dice: Yes, but how do we do that?
    Yvonne Lee: Um, you could purchase a tech blog site like Slashdot.org.
    CEO of Dice: "Slashdot"? Sounds violent ... would that work?
    Yvonne Lee: Yes, everything that goes up on there is widely regarded as fact by millions of idiots every day.
    CEO of Dice: Very well, one slash dot dot org, please! *holds up $137 in small bills and drops some change on the table*
  • Dice.com (Score:5, Funny)

    by Swampash (1131503) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:06PM (#42888645)

    After study a couple of of the weblog posts on your internet site now, and I genuinely like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and will probably be checking back soon. I certainly will be recommend dice.com to all friends and good family.

    News for nerds, stuff that matters.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:06PM (#42888655)

    I need to know where /. moved to. I didn't realize this url was now the Dice.com blog.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    "I once heard advice to use the exact wording found in the ad when placing your keywords."

    Okay, an anecdote "I once heard" posted anonymously on /. is not exactly a scientific survey, but the intent is quite clear: candidates should be carefully tailoring their resumes to HR's total "I don't give a fuck" attitude.

    But. If that's how a company is hiring, that company is going to be fucked before too long. If HR doesn't give a fuck and there's not enough leadership from the people who count to get HR to give a

  • HR drones not having the slightest clue
  • by SlappyMcInty (688145) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:10PM (#42888719)
    Is there a way to filter out 'stories' based on their tags? I.e. "ad" ?
    • This "story" was posted by Slashdot Staff, not a specific "Editor".

      - Mouse over your username in the top left and click "Options" from the dropdown menu.
      - Go to the "Exclusions" tab and put a check in the box next to "Slashdot Staff" and accept changes.

      You should be good to go. If they start posting under other editors, I'd probably be inclined to just sack the site off for something else. *Cough* Signature *Cough*
  • Sadly Enough (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Whorhay (1319089) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:10PM (#42888721)

    From experience I know that one of the largest employers in the USA actually gives you a much better shot at a job if you do include the same key phrases in your resume. The mass crush of resumes that come in for any job opening requires that the HR drones put everything through an automated filter or three. If your resume doesn't pass those filters nothing else matters because no one is going to read it.

    • Or, you can be bluntly honest [gawker.com].
      • Or drop the name of an important and probably well-connected uncle.
        • by tehcyder (746570)

          Or drop the name of an important and probably well-connected uncle.

          If you have one of those I doubt you'll be submitting your resume to HR as part of the "interview" process.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by garutnivore (970623)

      In case it need be said...

      The reason for filters is that for every candidate who actually reads the job posting and is sending an application that shows that the candidate's experience and skills intersect with what the posting is looking for, there are dozens of morons whose method of applying is spray and pray, or do not know that the people reading applications are not mindreaders.

  • The main point of the article seems to be that you should deliver your resume in some fancy shape or form.
  • by digitalvengeance (722523) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:16PM (#42888789)

    Prior to the recent rash of Dice.com slashvertisements, I held a very positive opinion of both Dice.com and Slashdot. With each new thinly veiled attempt to drive traffic to Dice, I lose a little bit of respect for each.

    If Dice wants to put ads on slashdot, just put ads on slashdot. Stop running fake stories that just diminish a site that has spent a long time earning a loyal following.

  • by eksith (2776419) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:17PM (#42888793) Homepage
    Don't be Florida on your resume. Next...
  • by blind biker (1066130) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:17PM (#42888795) Journal

    This is one of the reason I despise the industry and the lore that surrounds it: the ostensible "professionalism", the bullshitting, the going to the job interview in suit and tie (what the fuck for, nobody knows), the total lack of colour and creativity, the need to use boilerplate and keywords...

    And the fact that "some of the things on the list" are considered outlandish and not conducive to getting a job. I found humorous every single item on that list, and would considered the candidate to have an advantage, exactly for having a sense of humor, rather than a disadvantage in getting a job.

    In academia, where I work now, things are somewhat similar but not as bad as in the industry, and there's a measure of nuttiness and humor you can get away with.

    • by Anrego (830717) *

      My experience has been that the HR experience of large companies seldom matches the actual working environment. Getting through the bullshit sucks, but once you do you might find a great working atmosphere.

      Smaller shops where you get interviewed by the owner are usually (but not always) lighter on the BS. A suit/tie is usually still a good idea though! Its a silly custom but why fight it (unless you are ready to really fight it/make some kind of point).

      • A suit/tie is usually still a good idea though! Its a silly custom but why fight it

        I just cannot stand bullshit. It's a fortuitous coincidence that I don't have to take that much anymore, now that I'm in academia.

        I just cannot fathom going to a job interview in a suit anymore - I couldn't live with me anymore after that. To me it's throwing all my dignity down the wazoo.

        • by Darinbob (1142669)

          Maybe depends on where you're from. In California it doesn't fly, but you're still expected to not have just a tee shirt and jeans. However on east coast it is still expected most places. Doesn't need to be a great suit though.

          The whole point really is that it needs to look like you care about getting the job. If they're looking at many candidates they're probably going to pass on the person who acts as if the interview is a waste of time, and they're definitely going to pass on the person who thinks he

    • by Kittenman (971447)

      This is one of the reason I despise the industry and the lore that surrounds it: the ostensible "professionalism", the bullshitting, the going to the job interview in suit and tie (what the fuck for, nobody knows), the total lack of colour and creativity, the need to use boilerplate and keywords...

      And the fact that "some of the things on the list" are considered outlandish and not conducive to getting a job. I found humorous every single item on that list, and would considered the candidate to have an advantage, exactly for having a sense of humor, rather than a disadvantage in getting a job.

      In academia, where I work now, things are somewhat similar but not as bad as in the industry, and there's a measure of nuttiness and humor you can get away with.

      Of course you realize that you lost some street cred here by going to the link and reading the list?

    • by JaredOfEuropa (526365) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @07:39PM (#42889757) Journal
      Sadly I've seen plenty of HR types who look at resumés through that lens. I've done some resumé selecting (and subsequent interviewing) as well; my last employer put great store in letting their consultants rather than HR do the better part of selecting potential hires. What I looked for: creativity (if applicable to the job, which it almost always was), relevant work experience (yes we actually call your references, and bring your diplomas too), outstanding achievements in and outside the job (be prepared to be thoroughly questioned on those), or obvious turn-offs (inappropriate comments, excessive spelling/grammatical errors). What I overlooked: the occasional spelling error, not conforming to the standard typography or format for resumés, not showing up in a suit (though one should look at least somewhat presentable), mentioning odd activities or hobbies. Wearing a suit, communicating in a professional manner, speaking the lingo... those are things we can teach you if you're an otherwise clever, competent and motivated person.

      By the way, if I am ever asked to interview someone for an HR position, I'd give them a nice mix of resumes of people I've interviewed before, asking them to make a motivated selection. I seriously doubt miss Lee would pass muster...
  • by CptNerd (455084) <adiseker@lexonia.net> on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:20PM (#42888821) Homepage

    What the heck is a "standard job title" anyway? I've worked at 12 different companies in my nearly 30 years in software development, and never have I had the same "job title." I'm pretty sure my current job title is meaningless to anyone else looking to hire me, as would the dozen other job titles I've had be.

    Get back to me when the "industry" publishes a list of "standard job titles" and makes every company comply with it.

    • by Livius (318358)

      I work in a department of about 50 people and the job titles of every single person across four levels of hierarchy are nearly identical.

    • by green1 (322787)

      This is a problem I constantly face, I'm not actually 100% sure what my own job title is this week (or for that matter, what they call my department these days). I know it has changed at least a dozen times since I started this job, even though I haven't changed job positions. When talking to someone inside the company I use the slang abbreviation for my job title (that one hasn't changed in at least 15 years, though it might not make sense to anyone not familiar with the internal workings of the company) a

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:22PM (#42888847)

    Since you didn't read my post from yesterday, here it is again: Please go fuck yourself. Seriously. Everybody here means it. That's all. Thank you.

  • by Nexzus (673421) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:25PM (#42888875)

    ...on another forum:

    Copy and paste the entire job description into a 1 pixel by 1 pixel box on your resume. Invisible to the naked eye, but parsers easily pick it up.

    Just make sure to watch the sites that parse and reformat for you (Monster, eg) when uploading.

  • Recruiters are too lazy to determine whether a person who's last position as "Enterprise Data Architect" where listed skills are scoping, implementing, and managing DB2, MS SQL, and Oracle instances requested by internal clients has the skills necessary for their company's "Database Administrator" position.

    I read this as "Do the work for HR/Recruiters, they're not intelligent enough to do it themselves".

    • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

      by Anonymous Coward

      It's a bit worse than that, really. It's more like:

      HR people are not intelligent enough to parse your resume. Try to guess the wrong way they'll use to parse it and modify your resume accordingly.

      This effectively selects for candidates who are able to think like an idiot: a critical skill for dealing with customers and management after landing the job!

    • by forkazoo (138186)

      I read this as "Do the work for HR/Recruiters, they're not intelligent enough to do it themselves".

      That's a bit unfair. There are occasional HR people who are quite intelligent. (They may be rare, but it's not an ansolute given that all HR are stupid.)

      But, even the intelligent ones aren't going to do a bunch of extra work for no reason. Yes, you should always try to make it as easy as possible to hire you. HR people may have to hire candidates for 20 wildly different specialties by Thursday. They may h

  • As a software consultant and occasional contract employee, in all cases, the resume is what gets me hired, and the phone interview is just a safeguard to make sure I'm a real person. Often the interview turns into a technology bull session with the developers making sure that I have the correct industry understanding and not whether I have done the things I stated I could do. I clearly communicated that fact to them already. In my resume.

  • See ya, Slashdot. (Score:5, Interesting)

    by 1729 (581437) <slashdot1729NO@SPAMgmail.com> on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:37PM (#42889005)

    We're getting this every day? And Dice is apparently deleting comments [slashdot.org]? Fuck that. Slashdot is done. Nice work, Dice.

    PS: I'm on my way over to delete my Dice profile too, since the company is clearly incompetent and unethical.

  • by ponds (728911) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @06:47PM (#42889123)
    Every time I read one of these, it confirms that there's no purpose in Slashdot anymore, but my muscle memory for the last ~12 years or so keeps navigating me to slashdot subconciously. Then when I figure out what I'm doing, I get all sad. Anyone else in this situation? This is not intended to be modded Funny :/
  • “Hiring managers have a big pile of résumés to review, and they are always looking for a reason to put you in the ‘no’ pile.”

    If you're going through the resume stage, the only goal is to get yourself into the "call" stack rather than the trash pile. When hundreds of resumes come in for a position, its far more important for HR to not let crap through then it is for them to try to find the perfect candidate - the reality is probably that there are several differently (but equally) qualified candidates for the position, and if any one of them is hired then HR and management have done their jobs.

    If one of those candidates makes it

  • lax hiring standards (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward

    My issue with finding employment mostly has to do with who I am competing with in my field. Computer science has become a field like doctors and lawyers where people get involved with it for the high salaries. People who are motivated by monetary gain for employment are more willing to make concessions just to have the job that pays $200,000.

    In order to get that salary they will embellish their work experience, their skills or whatever it takes to get that position. Once employed, they generally don't mind

    • It needs more apprenticeships / tech schools not just college.

      4 years pure college classroom is way to much for IT and has lot's of skill gaps. I say max 2-3 years classroom and more tech / trades schools with apprenticeships.

      College put out paper tigers at a much higher cost then certifications.

  • by CaptainNerdCave (982411) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @07:24PM (#42889603)

    This is why we keep seeing positions that are re-listed. HR people can't or won't do their jobs, and they get crap. Recruiters do even worse by telling the applicants what to say on resumes and in interviews, and they bring in crap.

  • by 6031769 (829845) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @07:41PM (#42889789) Homepage Journal

    It's been fun, it really has. Over the years as a lurker, as AC and then eventually as a lowly 6-digiter I have seen tons of insight, reasoned debate and out-and-out flame wars. There's been +5 Funny and -1 Troll and everything in between. And despite all of the bitching, there really was quite a bit of news for nerds and stuff that mattered.

    Up until the last couple of months, when it all seems to have gone down the pan at warp factor nine. On this wonderful internet of ours things come and things go. Now is clearly the time for the venerable /. to go and I will help it on its way, albeit with a heavy heart.

    So long, slashdot!

  • by VAXcat (674775) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @08:09PM (#42890069)
    This reminds me of an application bought here at MegaBigCompany years back that promised to automatically scan, sort, classify, grade and determine what resumes where good for what job openings. HR was thrilled at the work it would save. We lost a lot of faith in it when we noticed that it reported many of applicants whose resumes it had scanned had gone to the University of Nix....we wondered, did they all go to a strangely named college? Then it occurred to me that the app was parsing UNIX on the resumes of people looking for IT jobs, as the University of Nix....
    • I recall a story going round my employer in the early 90s that someone had turned up for an interview claiming all sorts of expertise and detailed knowledge of UN-Nine.

      The HR interviewer was clearly intending to hire - fortunately the technical interview came afterwards.

      It all sounded impressive until the penny dropped and it was clear they thought UNIX came after UNVIII

  • by Midnight_Falcon (2432802) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @08:10PM (#42890083)
    Check her out on LinkedIn. Her resume is rambling, confused, filled with recommendations from junior-level staff, and uses a lot of buzz words without describing what she actually does. Plus, check out her picture. Who beat her with the ugly stick?
    • by thePig (964303)

      Personal attacks on anyone - especially on things people have no control of - is rather distasteful and takes focus away from the actual issue - slashvertisements.

  • I must have the right terms in my resume. I'm getting emails, calls, etc. Of course I can tell they didn't READ my resume because I put catch terms in there that would clue them if they did.
  • Enough already! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by asackett (161377) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @09:02PM (#42890641) Homepage

    It's been a fun ride, slashdot, but slamming into the wall at the end ruined it for me. Dice Holdings, Inc. can apply big wet smoochies to that part of my anatomy that is reserved for evacuating the stuff that Dice does best.

  • "Slashdot Staff".... (Score:5, Informative)

    by Nidi62 (1525137) on Wednesday February 13, 2013 @10:46PM (#42891601)
    ...has now been excluded on my options. Hopefully that should take care of all the Dice stories for me.
  • by argStyopa (232550) on Thursday February 14, 2013 @08:36AM (#42894507) Journal

    WWCTD

    What
    Would
    Commander
    Taco
    Do?

    Wonder how he feels about this. I mean, he got his pile of $$ and "is out" but still, I bet he cares.

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