FBI Publishes Top Email Terms Used By Corporate Fraudsters 105
Posted
by
Unknown Lamer
from the security-unclassified-uscode-smuggle-espionage dept.
from the security-unclassified-uscode-smuggle-espionage dept.
Qedward writes "Software developed by the FBI and Ernst & Young has revealed the most common words used in email conversations among employees engaged in corporate fraud. The software, which was developed using the knowledge gained from real life corporate fraud investigations, pinpoints and tracks common fraud phrases like 'cover up,' write off,' 'failed investment,' 'off the books,' 'nobody will find out' and 'grey area'. Expressions such as 'special fees' and 'friendly payments' are most common in bribery cases, while fears of getting caught are shown in phrases such as 'no inspection' and 'do not volunteer information.'"
Watch your words... (Score:5, Funny)
"So, this new range of paints is a grey area - neither black nor white. But if you spill any, while painting the library, make sure you keep it off the books. Hang on, there's someone knocking at the door..."
Irony (Score:5, Funny)
Sorta like this? (Score:5, Funny)
I know this is a grey area, and this may sound like a cover up, but we need to keep this failed investment off the books or do a write off. Nobody will find out.
Re:Watch your words... (Score:5, Funny)
So they're only looking for (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Watch your words... (Score:4, Funny)
This paint is terrible! It's a totally failed investment. I better get some new paint and cover up these splotches quickly so no one finds out.
Duh (Score:4, Funny)
Nah, the warez people have got this (Score:5, Funny)
Other reasons.... (Score:2, Funny)
A lot of these phrases also apply when you are having an affair with the secretary and/or wife of the boss...
Re:all sounds pretty innocuous to me--- (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Watch your words... (Score:5, Funny)
Sadly, several important documents were irreparably damaged by improper regulatory activities which resulted in many important books being cooked, quite literally, by being placed too near to the old radiator style heating systems in the library.
When asked why no-one was notified about important documents being improperly handled like this, many library employees said it was standard operating proceedure to not reveal additional information to internal management, and that it was simply a case of inspectors not doing their jobs that the damage occured.
The library management has begun an internal investigation into the matter, but due to a recent computer mishap coupled with the removal of the obsolete paper copy card cataloge, a considerable amount of vital data was lost or deleted concerning which books the library actually owns, which ones are from inter-library exchange programs, and which ones are missing and unaccounted for.
At the current rate, it is likely that no one will ever find out the true extent of the damages, so disciplinary measures are unlikely to manifest any time soon. Most employees interviewed simply expect a standard "slap on the wrist", followed by business as usual.
Re:Irony (Score:4, Funny)
(3) You won't find many accountants on slashdot since they tend not to be among the intellectually/technologically curious types in my experience.
Ah yes, this old problem again:
Counsellor: Well I now have the results here of the interviews and the aptitude tests that you took last week, and from them we've built up a pretty clear picture of the sort of person that you are. And I think I can say, without fear of contradiction, that the ideal job for you is chartered accountancy.
Anchovy: But I am a chartered accountant.
Counsellor: Jolly good. Well back to the office with you then.
Anchovy: No! No! No! You don't understand. I've been a chartered accountant for the last twenty years. I want a new job. Something exciting that will let me live.
Counsellor: Well chartered accountancy is rather exciting isn't it?
Anchovy: Exciting? No it's not. It's dull. Dull. Dull. My God it's dull, it's so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly DULL.
Counsellor: Well, er, yes Mr Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.
Re:Watch your words... (Score:4, Funny)
New hobby... trolling the FBI / corporate security with innocent usage of suspicious phrases.
My new years resolution is now to use a minimum of one of these phrases in every email I send using the company email system for the year 2013. My employer is large enough that they most certainly use this sort of filtering.
Heck... they're probably tracking my Slashdot account... Hey guys... just kidding!