Spammers Announce World War III

schliz writes with the stub of a disheartening article at IT News: "Hackers are deluging web users with malware-laden spam claiming that World War III has started following a US invasion of Iran. Security experts warned [yesterday] that spam emails with subject lines including 'Third World War has begun,' '20000 US Soldiers in Iran,' and 'US Army crossed Iran's borders' have been intercepted. The emails contain links to a malicious webpage that displays what appears to be a video player showing the mushroom cloud of a nuclear explosion."

That spam was shopped

[Anonymous Coward]

I can tell from the text and seeing quite a few spams in my time.

Hmm

[Aussenseiter]

World War III is starting? Oh god, I still haven't received my check from that Nigerian prince! And where's my viagra?

Re:That spam was shopped

[stoolpigeon]

the shadows are all off too

This is the way the world ends

[hansamurai]

Not with a bang but a can of luncheon meat.

Slashdot is just a good corporate citizen.

[myCopyWrong]

Be sure you filter out any email about Iran [slashdot.org] to help out Uncle Sam. Oh yeah, buy war bonds and get back to wark.

GWASTED

[Stanistani]

This gives me a new hope.

Now we can divert some of the resources from the Global War On Terror (GWOT) and fight the Global War Against Spam, Terror, & Erectile Dysfunction (GWASTED).

Fools

[eln]

WWIII isn't scheduled to begin for another two weeks, and it's going to involve a fake attack on the US by "Iran" (actually the CIA) followed by a massive "retaliatory strike", not an invasion by any US forces. Can't these spammers get anything right?

Re:Hmm

[mikael]

Survivalist Suppliers announces - buy a lifetimes supply of Viagra for your mountain forest bunker today. What are you going to do when the black gold runs out - you won't be able to drive to the pharmacy then. One large box lasts 5 years and only costs $99.99. Buy a lifetimes supply and get an extra 50% absolutely free. Cash payments only.

What obvious poppycock!

[Chris Burke]

It's amazing how people can be tricked by something that is on its surface so laughable that it should be dismissed outright!

After all, how could World War III possibly have started when World War II hasn't even ended yet?! Just because there's no obvious troop movements or visible battles doesn't mean that merged ghosts of Churchill and Roosevelt along with their dark ally Zombie Stalin don't yet wage war against the forces of Hitler's Head and the demon-animated armor of Hirohito! No, you can see the effects of this conflict every day in the fluctuations of the price of milk to the record of the Essex cricket team. So don't believe anything you read about some ludicrous World War III until you see the purple flag of the Undying Allies flying over the White House, indicating our inevitable triumph!

After that, though, it's fair game.

Re:Hmm

[Chris Burke]

World War III is starting? Oh god, I still haven't received my check from that Nigerian prince! And where's my viagra?

Yeah, because that's the first thing I'm going to be worried about when WWIII starts: Boners.

Though I guess it is a legitimate concern, due to the widespread boner shortage in the states in WWII, which didn't end until after the war when the market was flooded with them.

In an effort to immitate spammers...

[tOaOMiB]

Slashdot posts article containing the words "World War III" in it's headline, hoping this attracts attention. Once users click to "read more" they are ambushed by trolls masquerading as insightful or funny comments, but in fact containing insidious messages....

Re:GWASTED

[Chris Burke]

GWASTED

Don't mind if I do!

Re:How the hell...

[urcreepyneighbor]

It has to be a really slow news day if we get an article explaining what is in specific pieces of spam.

I'm a fan of the subjects. Here's a handful I've received recently:

• Satify your spouses bed needs easier
• Obama found dead in shock accident
• shaman like skills
• Love package at a low price
• Please your lassie like never before!
• Girls will be shocked at your new size
• Bang her till she passes out
• Have the pecker of her dreams
• Natalie Portman shaves again
• Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!

It's basic marketing / copywriting.

Re:Hmm

[Maxo-Texas]

See, we have to preserve our purity. of. essence. and repopulate the planet.

The Iranians are coming

[Anonymous Coward]

One if by Spam,
Two if by sea.

Blowing up the Earth?

[Sponge Bath]

Crap, that's where I keep all my stuff.

The obligatory "Obligatory"

[Anonymous Coward]

http://xkcd.com/331/ [xkcd.com]

Re:Hmm

[Anonymous Cowpat]

Mr. President; we must not allow a mine-shaft gap!

Re:Hmm

[Oktober Sunset]

Don't worry, once the mutations start there will will be plenty of 8' tall women.

Re:How the hell...

[Klaus_1250]

Natalie Portman spam ... you lucky bastard.

Re:How the hell...

[Anonymous Coward]

.
        1 Satify your spouses bed needs easier
        2 Obama found dead in shock accident
        3 shaman like skills
        4 Love package at a low price
        5 Please your lassie like never before!
        6 Girls will be shocked at your new size
        7 Bang her till she passes out
        8 Have the pecker of her dreams
        9 Natalie Portman shaves again
        10 Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!

1. 50% off Serta Mattresses at Mattress Warehouse?
      3. Learn to levitate?
      4. Box o' Chocolates?
      5. I would do no such thing with a dog...
      6. So go to the god damn gym.
      7. If she's had that much to drink, you should probably cut it out.
     

Re:How the hell...

[Dogtanian]

Natalie Portman shaves again

I'm glad to hear that, I never really liked her with the beard.

Re:Easy

[maxume]

What's happening at work?

Re:Blowing up the Earth?

[H0p313ss]

Crap, that's where I keep all my stuff.

Tell me about it, I just finished renegotiating my mortgage!

Re:How the hell...

[Duncan Blackthorne]

• Bomb her womb from your huge cannon!

I've never seen that one before -- and it's simultaneously the funniest euphemism for that I've heard in a while, and the most shockingly wrong way to put that!

Re:Breaking news!

[ShieldW0lf]

This just in: The US and its allies, having established the capacity to censor the entire middle east during the recent destruction of undersea cables, is now sowing misinformation across the internet coupled to a malware payload. Billions of emails sent in this fashion will create enough noise to render all information that doesn't come through official highly suspect.

Re:The obligatory "Obligatory"

[mrmeval]

The sad thing is I offer swords for sale that are airbrushed.

The sadder thing is people buy them. ;)

Re:Fools

[n dot l]

No, no, no. Two weeks from now Europe, Russia, and Central Asia unite and declare the second Soviet Union. Then the CIA (which is secretly a branch of the KGB) sends secret agents to hijack the International Space Station (secretly insured by the guy that owned the Twin Towers) and crash it onto their own headquarters. After that, Canada, the USA, Mexico, and (just because it'd be weird) Chile unite and invade Iran, at which point the Chinese (who are secretly controlled by New Zealand) nuke us. Then we nuke them. And then the Russians nuke Australia, just for good measure.

In the mean time, Charlton Heston (who secretly isn't actually dead) has somehow gotten into a light-speed rocket, and...

Did I miss anything? Oh right, the Antichrist. Well fuck him, this conspiracy theory is already full. Besides, nobody likes Dick Cheney anyway.

Re:The obligatory "Obligatory"

[_Sprocket_]

Do they do white damage?

Re:How the hell...

[theantipop]

My spam is praying on my low self-esteem. Here's a couple I received in the past week:

• What a stupid face you have here
• You look really stupid

*sigh*

Re:Hmm

[Anonymous Coward]

If you buy a lifetime supply why do you need the 50% extra?

Re:How the hell...

[SPY_jmr1]

My spam is praying on my low self-esteem. Here's a couple I received in the past week:

• What a stupid face you have here
• You look really stupid

*sigh*

Strong Bad must be ramping up his spammertisments again.

Re:Breaking news!

[Anonymous Coward]

This just in, the US invades Iran with 12,000,000 troops and nuclear bazookas. Click here to see exclusive footage!

is there another one saying Slashdot RIP?

[shippo]

Because this dreadful front-page topic is quite frankly the last straw with this place. Goodbye....

The Link

[HaeMaker]

Here is the link from the email. [youtube.com]

Re:GWASTED

[Gewalt]

gWasted.....Wait... free beer with text ads on the labels? oh fuck ya, count me in

Re:How the hell...

[wild_quinine]

My favourite spam ever came on a real stinker of a day at work. You know the kind, nothing goes right, people fuck you over, you're in work all day to come away worse off than when you went in... It was that sort of day. Then I got this spam, which simply said:

'Louder screaming is only the beginning'

That may be the one and only spam that made my day better.

Re:Hmm

[hack slash]

"there will be plenty of 8' tall women."

Death by snoo snoo?

Re:The obligatory "Obligatory"

[geekoid]

The saddest thing is you don't have a link!

Re:How the hell...

[Anonymous Coward]

Natalie Portman shaves again

I'm glad to hear that, I never really liked her with the beard.

especially the downstairs beard

Re:Repercussions

[DarkOx]

free cheddar

As long as you have a plan to stop the barbarions from dyeing it yellow, you have my full support.

Re:Breaking news!

[LandDolphin]

That's why we need to get the Government out of the Economy. Things like that would not happen in a free market!

OK, Here's my top picks from the past week or so.

[FilthCatcher]

• Reserve in us a means for increase of the member and you quickly will achieve desired result.
• Make an impression of successful person wearing expensive looking watch.
• Negroes admire with the of the size - we will surpass them! - not sure whether I should be amused, bemused or deeply offended - probably a combination of all of the above.
• Say goodbye to your diseases!
• Increase Your Penis Width (Girth) By upto 20%.
• Be the master of the universe, with a huge broadsword in your pants?

Re:How the hell...

[Anonymous Coward]

The other interesting thing is that would anyone educated enough to have the vocabulary to required understand that subject be ignorant enough to respond?

An interesting question, undoubtedly the forte of many an erudite scholar, but by this point in your post I was far to enthralled by my quest for illicit viagra to ponder its myriad complexities.

Re:Hmm

[Oktober Sunset]

hmm, I was just pondering, and living underground, eating crap food, knowing only a few other hideous looking people, for the average basement dwelling nerd, the end of the world wouldn't be must different. The only change would be the constant sex to repopulate the world, so all in all the end of the world would greatly improve most nerds lives.

Re:How the hell...

[ponraul]

Then, I take it you're a big fan of Spamusement [spamusement.com].

Re:massively stupid

[maxume]

What political reasons? Do you think the US government gets its intelligence from Spam?

Hell, I would think that the paranoid position is that they just go ahead and make it up...

Re:How the hell...

[bursch-X]

That's no spam, that's your girlfriend.

Gnome vs. KDE

[Anonymous Coward]

> Global War Against Spam, Terror, & Erectile Dysfunction (GWASTED).

Yeah, but then the KDE folks will drop everything and release a kWasted as soon as possible...

Re:Hmm

[Walkingshark]

You can't fight in here! This is the war room!

Re:How the hell...

[inkyblue2]

the most shockingly wrong way to put that

yeah, cannons don't shoot bombs.

Re:The obligatory "Obligatory"

[Emb3rz]

I personally prefer to have solid notions. They're more stable, easier to execute.</snark>

|> letslaughbecauseoftypos (tagging beta)

Re:What obvious poppycock!

[rk]

You'd watch? Hell, with a name like "Emperor Zombie" you could probably get a leading role!

Re:is there another one saying Slashdot RIP?

[rk]

Don't let the FIN packet hit your ass on the way out.

Re:How the hell...

[zobier]

Just another thought, what if they were to start using marketing buzzwords like "Total interactive throughput"? Not only could they bypass your filter but most executives wouldn't be able to tell it from legitimate communication.

Re:How the hell...

[Anonymous Coward]

It was that sort of day. Then I got this spam, which simply said:
'Louder screaming is only the beginning'

That may be the one and only spam that made my day better.

Days like that you need Garfield Minus Garfield: http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/ [garfieldmi...rfield.net]

Re:Hmm

[dlanod]

Mein Shaft!!!

(It all comes back to the Viagra jokes...)

Re:Breaking news!

[mortonda]

I think Iran would be well aware of an attack, what with all the bombs going off... ;)

Re:Motives for Spam and Country of origin

[Anonymous Coward]

Obviously, there are countries out there that would like the US&As reputation damaged, and this may help do that.

Where have you been for the past seven and a half years? The US's reputation has been shot for some time now.

Re:How the hell...

[Katalyst23]

The most wtf spam I've been sent so far is: "I know what females do on a farm. NEVER leave them there abandoned!"

Good riddance

[azzuth]

Hopefully it wiped out their computers. Should keep them off the forums long enough for some intelligence to seep back into online discussions...

Re:Hmm

[mcmonkey]

If I end up as the last male on the planet and must single handedly repopulate the planet...

If you're doing it single handedly, you're not going to produce much of a repopulation.