China Says It Lacks Skills To Hack US Systems

ScentCone writes "A spokesman for China's foreign ministry says that — China being the 'developing nation' that it is — he doubts that his country has the sophistication to hack foreign systems. This in response to statements by two congressmen regarding apparent probing by China-based crackers into congressional systems for information about communication between US officials and activists in China."

South Park defense

[Anonymous Coward]

How would we, chinese people with leetle leetle penises have the courage to do something like that against big americans with big penises?

Bald face liars.

[alextheseal]

So who did it then, elves?

Could have fooled me..

[bleh-of-the-huns]

The guy that delivers my chinese food seems to be pretty computer savvy, he farms WoW gold on his time off :)

Okay.. flame away :P

He then followed...

[MrBippers]

...they generally outsource all their hacking in exchange for WoW gold.

I have hacked the flist post!

[Anonymous Coward]

Solly.

I for one...

[Chas]

Welcome our "we're too primitive to hack" hacker overlords.

Oh yes. One more thing.

*COUGH*BULLSHIT*COUGH*BULLSHIT*COUGH*

Now where were we?

Well...

[geekmux]

...you do have the Great Firewall thing going for you...which is nice.

The Jar Jar Defense?

[Anonymous Coward]

Weesa nots smart enough for yousa craaazy Americans with your knock-off Cisco boxes...weesa kinda sold you.

They ough to hire Tariq Aziz!

[Dareth]

If they can get the US to let him go, Tariq Aziz, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tariq_Aziz [wikipedia.org] would make the perfect spokesperson for the Chinese denial of attacks.

Re:China lacks the skills?

[Rogerborg]

It's not a lie, it's a strategy to receive compliments. Clearly Chinese men have issues with very low self esteem. I wonder what that could be based on?

Re:Bald face liars.

[InlawBiker]

If a teenager from Seattle can hack WOPPER with an acoustic modem and 8-bit computers....

Right...

[JakeD409]

I'm far too simple-minded to post a satirical comment on Slashdot.

Obligatory

[PPH]

Nothing to see here, western capitalist lackeys. Move along.

Re:If they're not sophisticated enough

[Mikkeles]

Buoyancy.

DAMN YOU!

[db32]

I almost died! I almost choked on my lunch reading this summary. I sit down...take a bite, open slashdot, and nearly choke! Damn you editors!

I propose that stories with claims THAT ridiculous this should have title and summary hidden with a warning so that readers eating or drinking can be prepared! I mean really...think how many geeks you might endager with a headline of "Openly Gay Republican Elected to Office"

Re:South Park defense

[jollyreaper]

How would we, chinese people with leetle leetle penises have the courage to do something like that against big americans with big penises?

God, that's the very first line that went through my head when I read the summary. The second line was Americans saying "Aw, shucks, you don't have to be much of a hacker, we don't know anything about system hardening."

Of course, the really ironic thing would be if the Chinese were hacking the American systems to turn them into zombies to spam out ads for penis enlargement pills.

Re:China lacks the skills?

[tirerim]

Right, because lying in the course of giving compliments, as Americans do as an integral part of our culture, is so much better.

Re:If they're not sophisticated enough

[jollyreaper]

then how did one of their submarines pop up in the middle of one of our Navy carrier groups undetected?

Buoyancy.

With all the lead that goes into the typical Chinese product? Really?

Re:South Park defense

[ivanmarsh]

That is an asshole thing to say, first of all + SouthPark? Imo, @ least, is a show for small minded idiots, period...

The Chinese ARE a great culture with over 5,000 yrs. of recorded history behind them (when the caucasian race was still in caves that people were already culturally & scientifically advanced, by way of comparison), the only OTHER like it, is India, afaik!

I bet the Chinese have a better sense of humor than you.

Re:If they're not sophisticated enough

[3.14159265]

Exactly. Buoyancy should be made illegal.

Re:Right...

[SillySlashdotName]

Ya know, a bunch of us were just talking about how simple minded JakeD409 was, but couldn't quite come up with a defining statement -- "too simple minded to...?" Someone suggested "Pour piss out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel", but that was overstating things a bit - and nobody was really sure you could read so having the instructions printed might not help you much. Someone else thought "Eat a box of chocolates (My momma says, 'Life is like...')", but, while getting closer, just didn't quite state the obvious strongly enough. Imagine my delight when I went to slashdot and found the perfect defining statement!

I'm far too simple-minded to post a satirical comment on Slashdot.

Thanks, JakeD409 (cause the world ain't ready for 410!)!

disclaimer: no actual humor was used in the making of this post, although I did hit my funny bone while typing that bit about the box of chocolates.

PS. I don't know JakeD409. He just put the "kick Me" sign on and bent over and I could not resist.

Re:whats more likely

[Anonymous Coward]

If they have cars that can drive themselves and take photographs, surely they can crack Congress' computers.

Re:Beowulf Cluster

[VeNoM0619]

Finally! We have used a pixar movie for our wisdom. I'm glad our kids are watching these things. Now to find a "Cars" reference...

Re:China lacks the skills?

[aplusjimages]

Maybe its true. Maybe they hired the CIA to spy on those two Congressman to make sure they weren't going to do anything to embarrass the Chinese Government during the Olympics.

Re:China lacks the skills?

[Maestro485]

They don't lack skills...

...they rack disciprine

Re:South Park defense

[kiehlster]

Actually, they're hacking American systems to find out the real secret behind our big penises. Obviously the guinea pigs they get for their enlargement pill experiments are not showing the promised results they expected while attempting to perfect their own pills.

I'm skeptical

[Mongoose Disciple]

I can't buy China's official story on this one.

Damn you, falling U.S. dollar!

Re:China lacks the skills?

[gnick]

Part of the Chinese culture? That little tradition used to be polite behaviour in the west too.

Indeed - In fact my politeness excels beyond that of nearly all others because of my great humility. I may be the most humble person I know - Which is even more impressive because I have so little to be modest about and so many great qualities that I politely refrain from boasting.

To attempt to quote an old Mac Davis tune that I remember from the Muppet Show:
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cause I get better lookin' each day
To know me is to love me, I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, but I'm doin' the best that I can

Re:Bald face liars.

[Drathos]

It was WOPR, then McKittrick said to "beef up" the security and it became The Whopper®. He's just at some mid-point.

Re:South Park defense

[squozzer]

Did someone forget to translate "The Art of War" into Chinese?

Re:South Park defense

[PachmanP]

The only way to win is not to play.

See it's exactly that kind of pussyfooting around that's causing this "global warming" thing today. They knew back in the 50s and 60's that fossil fuels would cause warming,and they pushed it to counter the nuclear winter!

Re:China lacks the skills?

[suggsjc]

Chinese who speak no Japanese and Japanese who speak no Chinese can communicate with each other using pen and a piece of paper.

I think just about any two people on earth can do that...its called drawing.

In America, we even have a game where thats all you do. Its called Pictionary. Except that neither side can speak Chinese or Japanese.

Re:South Park defense

[Mister Whirly]

They should have got the genuine penis enlargement pills then, instead of their own cheap Chinese knockoff equivalents.

Re:South Park defense

[Anonymous Coward]

"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." - Mark Twain

Re:China lacks the skills?

[Anonymous Coward]

lolograph

I CAN HAS RAMEN?

It is that meaning that carries between both languages

This is simply not true in general. Yes, a lot of nouns use the same characters, in the same way that an English speaker might guess what the German word "Computer" means. But that doesn't mean the written languages are remotely similar. For example, the Chinese character for "peace" often means "cheap" in Japanese. The Japanese word for "all right" is written with characters that in Chinese would mean "big strong husband". And that's before we even get on to prepositions and the like.

Re:South Park defense

[just_another_sean]

Hot, deep, who knew linking can be such a turn on?!

Re:China lacks the skills?

[JeanPaulBob]

Right, because lying in the course of giving compliments, as Americans do as an integral part of our culture, is so much better.

Hmm... Kudos. That is very insightful of you.

Thanks

[roystgnr]

A direct click-through worked for me when I tried it from the "Preview" page for my comment, but I guess my browser must have just been pulling the file out of cache rather than hitting up the server again.

Also, I notice that between the two of us we've currently received three "+1, Informative" moderations for helping people hear penis jokes in exaggerated accents. Thanks for helping me do my part in making the internet such an amazing informational resource.

5,000 years, and yet

[Phoenix666]

The Chinese have yet to invent anything remotely resembling a decent breakfast. (Thin rice gruel does not count)

Re:Ah, naivety at its finest

[hey!]

American XO: here he comes.
American CO: wait for it ...

[Chinese sub pops to the surface]

American CO (over radio): Lordy! Where do you come from?
Chinese CO: Where did you come from? I hope I am not interrupting anything?
American CO: Oh, nothing important. You sure surprised me, popping up out of nowhere like that!
Chinese CO: Did I? Please excuse me! We had no idea anybody was up here. We're having a little trouble with our engines!
American CO: Do you need help?
Chinese CO: Any chance you could give us a jump?

[American XO and CO exchange looks]

American CO: Uh, sure, can you take 440 volts?
Chinese CO: One moment, I check with engineer...

[sounds of argument in Chinese]

Chinese CO: So sorry. My Engineer says 440 volt no work!
American XO: That's not right, they should have...
American CO (cutting in): Uh, don't you have an operators manual or something?
Chinese CO: Engineer says cook used pages to wrap leftovers. No problem, I fix

[sound of large spanner being whacked against steel hull of sub]

Chinese CO: Hah! Now engines go!
American CO: That's very amazing! You fixed your boat by whacking the hull with a spanner?
Chinese CO: Oh, yes, you know us primitive Chinamen. Our boats are junk! Get it? Junk! Ha ha!
American XO and CO: Ha ha!
Chinese CO: Well engine make go now, so we leave. We be lucky to make back to Hainan without sinking.
American CO: I'll be lucky to make it back to Honolulu without having a heart attack. You took ten years off my life, popping out of nowhere like that! I honestly had no idea there was anybody else in the area.
Chinese CO: Sorry! We not know you here, really. You know Chinaman navigation equipment! No good! We go in straight line until bump into something!
American CO: Sorry to hear that. I hope you stay clear of us, we run into things all the time, since I dropped my sextant.
Chinese CO: Me too, since lousy Chinese boat leak on my chronometer! I go now! Bye!
American CO: Bye!

[Chinese sub submerges]

American CO (under breath): Asshole.
Chinese CO (under breath): Asshole.

Re:so..

[drinkypoo]

Uh, I thought it was Dodgeball.

Look, if you're really trying to get nerdy, you're just going to have to go ahead and make some kind of comparison to Star Trek. Just correcting people about South Park isn't going to cut it.

Re:South Park defense

[Anonymous Coward]

Hell yeah! Crushed those evil poor under our heels real good.

Re:South Park defense

[Anonymous Coward]

If I had any mod points I'd log in and give them to you for correctly spelling "losing".