Getting Rid of Staff With High Access?

HikingStick writes "I've been in the tech field for over 15 years. After more than nine years with the same company, I've been asked to step in and establish an IT department for a regional manufacturing firm. I approached my company early, providing four weeks notice (including a week of pre-scheduled [and pre-approved] vacation time). I have a number of projects to complete, and had planned to document some of the obscure bits of knowledge I've gleaned over the past nine years for the benefit of my peers, so I figured that would give me plenty of time. That was on a Friday. The following Monday, word came down from above that all of my privileged access was to be removed — immediately. So, here I sit, stripped of power with weeks ahead of me. From discussions with my peers in other companies, I know that cutting off high-privilege users is common, but usually in conjunction with a severance offer (to keep their hands off the network during those final weeks, especially if there is any ill-will). Should I argue for restored access, highlight the fact that I am currently a human paperweight, request a severance package, or simply become the most prolific Slashdot poster over the next few weeks? Does your company have a policy/process for dealing with high-privilege users who give notice? What is it, and do you make exceptions?"

Back pain

[jolyonr]

I would imagine those sorts of working conditions might be enough to flare up your old back pain condition, making it difficult to attend work on a daily basis.

Nice to know

[nizo]

Wow, I will have to remember to give four weeks notice next time instead of two.

Thanks for the heads up!

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[account_deleted]

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nope

[stoolpigeon]

if you think that this will make you the only person taking a pay check to sit around all day and do nothing more than post to slashdot, you are sorely mistaken.

Let me put it this way...

[hyades1]

We look forward to hearing from you...frequently.

Warcraft FTW

[civik]

You could level a character to 70 no problem in 4 weeks. Enjoy!

fuck it up for everyone else

[larry bagina]

get your work ip address banned by slashdot and wikipedia.

Start a Political Movement

[techsoldaten]

Get everyone organized on the way out and leave a lasting impression! Organize the workers in your workplace. Technology workers are the least represented sector in the US and should be able to reap the benefits of collective bargaining.

Highlight unfair labor practices, working conditions, unsavory boss types, gender inequality in pay scales, and anything else that brings pain to people's lives. Gender inequality is a great one, because it exists almost everywhere. Distribute pamphlets, circulate emails, stick things up on whiteboard, announce your demands loudly.

If you can get 75% of the workers there to sign a petition to join a labor union the organization has to deal with the union by law. Offer people a cookie to sign the petition and you will hit that number. An affiliated union can get an organizer in there after you leave to keep things going.

Coders of the world unite!

M

Re:It's really the company's decision

[ari_j]

I'd get way more creative than that. Misuse all the office supplies you can. For instance, write a lengthy daily report and print it in as many formats as you can (Babelfish it into every language, print it in landscape, use funny fonts, etc.), and then use at least 20 or 30 paperclips to hold it together.

Waste others' time the way they are wasting yours. Request frequent meetings with superiors to go over your daily reports. Hold very frequent meetings with random groups of underlings to discuss strange topics. For example, you could have an 8:15 meeting with the receptionist, an entry-level programmer, and a sock puppet regarding the situation in Myanmar, followed by a 9:00 meeting with the same entry-level programmer, a different sock puppet, and the janitor regarding your detailed synopsis of the new Indiana Jones movie.

Make loud phone calls about your internal organs. Bring cake every day and insist that it's someone's birthday. Mix cat food in with Chex Mix and leave a bowl of it in the break room - see how much is gone at the end of the day. Etc.

Just because you aren't allowed to do any work doesn't mean you have to be bored or watch grass grow to pass the time.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[ari_j]

I almost forgot one. Give seminars/lessons/tutorials on various, purely trivial topics. Teach the history of the ampersand or the origins of the Gin and Tonic.

throwing the gauntlet, eh?

[Red Flayer]

Should I argue for restored access, highlight the fact that I am currently a human paperweight, request a severance package, or simply become the most prolific Slashdot poster over the next few weeks?

Is that a challenge?!

Good lord, man, do you know what you're doing? College just let out...

But if you're serious, I'm willing to take odds -- and willing to see if a challenge like that changes the character of slashdot during the event.

Now we just need sponsors and a catchy name, any suggestions out there?

Re:Nothing new here

[eln]

I've often many people tell me that they learned they no longer had a job when their sessions were terminated in the middle of the work day.

Yah, I had a similar thing happen to me. Middle of the day, suddenly my whole connection goes down and I can't re-establish it. I get really pissed off because I had just spent the last 3 months working 80 hour weeks getting my manager's stupid pet project out the door on time, just to have it cancelled at the last minute. I storm in to my manager's office and tear into him about "how dare you lay me off" and "this company will die without me" and "your mother sucks so-and-so in etc," and on and on.

He tries to interrupt me with some lame explanation, but I'm having none of it. I pick up his stupid little "certificate of excellence" award he got at the last quarterly meeting and throw it against the wall, shattering it to pieces. He tries to call security, but I rip the phone out of his hand and continue to hurl abuse that would make the paint peel if he didn't keep the office at 60 goddamn degrees all the time, rendering it permanently encased in ice.

Finally, some of my fellow co-workers come in and ask what's going on. I tell them I've been laid off, and so they start in on the boss too. How could you do this to our best employee, who do you think you are, etc. By this time, my boss is in a corner in the fetal position weeping softly. My two co-workers quit on the spot in solidarity, and throw their laptops at my boss, who is knocked unconcious by one of them, while the other smashes into his new 24" wide-screen HD monitor.

At last, my co-workers head off to the bar to continue the rant about the injustice of it all, while I go back to my desk to put my "wall o' tech books" in a box. While, I'm there, I happen to notice the back of my computer. Turns out I had knocked the Ethernet cable out with my foot.

Oops.

Straitjacketed & Wheeled to the Door

[tazbert]

I've got root to all of our group's developement systems, as well as many production systems. I'm also know for my practical jokes and sometimes abilities to by-pass security systems. Though I've never presented myself as a risk to the company where I work (for almost 16 years, now), when I give notice, I expect to be immediately straitjacketed, put in leg irons, and wheeled to the door on a a hand-truck.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[LearnToSpell]

That works really well when you need a reference for your next job.

Re:Are you crazy

[BodhiCat]

2 words, internet porn.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[The Second Horseman]

Humming and tapping fingers / pens a lot is good too. The more tuneless the humming, the better. Occasionally, whistle a couple of notes out of tune. Then hum some more. Also, if you've got an environment where you might round a group of people up to go to lunch, start about 10 or 15 minutes earlier than usual.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[ColdWetDog]

The moderator must have fallen for the cat-food-in-Chex-trick. Too close to home to be a neutral.

Re:Are you crazy

[ColdWetDog]

2 words, internet porn.

He's a Unix, you insensitive clod!

Re:It's really the company's decision

[xappax]

Peter Gibbons: I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
Joanna: You're just not gonna go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won't you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
Joanna: So you're gonna quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh⦠I'm just gonna stop going.

Remove Time Bombs

[PPH]

If a company withdraws privileged access from personnel nearing termination, how are those people supposed to disarm all the time bombs they've installed in systems over the years?

But seriously: The last company I was laid off from never stripped me of any privileges. Upon termination, I was expected to (and did) return my secure token generator, so now I can't log in through their firewall any longer (this assumes that I'm not aware of any back doors). But, during my career, I had administrative responsibility for several servers. I had installed some simple monitoring programs on these systems in my personal accounts that would page me and e-mail me at work and home if problems were detected. Prior to leaving, I prepared instructions for my replacement which included changing the notification e-mail addresses. He never did so. That was in 2003. Occasionally, I still get status messages from these systems, indicating that my user accounts, including e-mail routing rules, are still active.

Re:Nice to know

[rikkards]

My wife works for a Community Centre as a Mental Health worker, one of her co-workers announced in January she is intending on quitting when she can get her private practice up

Re:It's really the company's decision

[Fuzzzy]

Some people are doing that for years! A guy I know tried to figure out how much time it will take Microsoft to fire him.
So he didn't do anything, not even touching the keyboard.
But it didn't work. At the end, he became too bored, and decided to quit himself..

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[account_deleted]

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backdoor it

[Anonmyous Coward]

Wait, are you saying you don't have some backdoor access set up that they don't know how to revoke? Noob!
Actually, if they're paying you to do nothing, I'd go with "become the most prolific Slashdot poster over the next few weeks". But if you've been their for 9 years and your smart, why don't you have everything running like clockwork so you can just sit and read slashdot all day anyway except for the semi-weekly "outage" that you cause to convince them that you didn't have your job completely automated within 6 months of starting. I guess if it was that kind of an IT job, you probably wouldn't be leaving in the first place. :)

Re:Are you crazy

[Anonymous Coward]

build a suit of chainmail

Okay I'm thinking this is the one activity, taking place in a typical office cubicle, that would finally garner the attention of the higher-ups and make them wonder "what exactly are we paying Steve for again?"

Re:It's really the company's decision

[Theoboley]

Also, don't forget to get those TPS Reports to Lumbergh by the time you leave.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[SQLGuru]

I wouldn't mind getting my "hourly billrate" for a couple of weeks of "self entertainment"....and if I filmed it, I could make some more money selling it.......

Layne

Re:It's really the company's decision

[Anonymous Coward]

Mix cat food in with Chex Mix and leave a bowl of it in the break room - see how much is gone at the end of the day.

You bastard!

Re:It's really the company's decision

[marxmarv]

You're certainly off MY hiring list. One, you didn't RTFP too well, and two, you used "your" instead of "you're", which in my world is grounds for instant termination.

FAIL

Re:It's really the company's decision

[ari_j]

I was hoping for insightful mods. Apparently, the moderators think I'm not serious.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[envelope]

Don't forget to go fishing and then bring the fish in to clean on your desk.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[VeNoM0619]

Or better yet, instead of going out of your way to screw with other people, just act like you're going crazy from the boredom:

Every time you get an e-mail, announce you got a new one within a 20 foot radius.
Bring rubberbands, and line up a wastebasket as far you can within seeing eye and see if you can make it in. Bonus points for shots you can't see over cubicles.
Call other people, but quickly hang up after they answer, make sure to do it in a pattern, like down a line of cubicles as if you're checking to make sure everyone is at their desk. Bonus points if you can get multiple phones (bring in a cell phone) and have them all ring at the same time.
In the middle of a conversation just get up and leave, it's over when you say its over.

and by far my most favorite, standing in a rest/bath/wash-room and wait for someone to come in. As soon as they come in, say in a very harsh tone. "I'm not going to have an argument with an appliance! End of discussion!" Then leave.

Re:Are you crazy

[i.r.id10t]

Paddle faster, I hear banjo music!

Re:It's really the company's decision

[billcopc]

The problem with America is that they've been rendered pretty much useless by the threat of lawsuits.

There, fixed it for you.

Re:It's really the company's decision

[Anonymous Coward]

Some of us have kids.

That was your first mistake...