Disney Takes Another Stab at the House of the Future

Disney has announced that they are going to take another stab at showing us the "House of the Future". The 5000-square-foot house will appear normal from the outside but will house gadgets like lights and thermostats that automatically adjust when someone enters the room and countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes. "Millions of Disneyland visitors lined up a half-century ago to catch a glimpse of the future: a home teeming with mind-blowing gadgets such as handsfree phones, wall-sized televisions, plastic chairs, and electric razors and toothbrushes. [...] The $15 million home is a collaboration of The Walt Disney Co., Microsoft Corp., Hewlett-Packard Co., software maker LifeWare and homebuilder Taylor Morrison. Visitors will experience the look of tomorrow by watching Disney actors playing a family of four preparing for a trip to China."

Any day now

[Anonymous Coward]

In addition to the standard house-of-the-future home automation, the house will also include its own micro-fusion electric generator (running on tap water), a landing pad for the flying car, and Duke Nukem Forever running on a secure update to Microsoft Windows.

Time to join the Luddites...

[owlnation]

countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes

A whole house that has pop-up ads. That's not my future, I promise you. I'm thinking those bastards at the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation had a hand in the design.

Trip to china

[Mickyfin613]

Visitors will experience the look of tomorrow by watching Disney actors playing a family of four preparing for a trip to China to welcome their new Chinese overlords. Fixt.

Frosty Piss dispenser

[Anonymous Coward]

Also rumored to be incorporated into the walls of the kitchen is a Frosty Piss dispenser. A generous assortment of options includes the ability to pre-select steaming, foaming, or on-the-rocks varieties. In a press release, Michael Eisner claims "The Frosty Piss dispenser is one of the most innovative concepts we have seen yet in domestic technology. Gone are the days where you had to brew your own Frosty Piss -- now, you can enjoy a tall steaming mug at any time of the day." Retail prices of the Frosty Piss dispenser have not been set.
 

Bathroom jokes

[SoundGuyNoise]

Oh the possibilites... - What happens if I'm in the shower and the OS crashes? Will it never turn off? - Will the toilet only accept one kind of input? - Will the house "phone home" to let said manufacturers know what I do in the house? (For statistics only, no personal information of course) - Will my furniture be compatible with the floor? - What if the fridge is stuck in an infinite loop and keeps ordering me eggs? - Can it defrag my junk drawer?

Additional feature

[rossz]

What's not mentioned is that DRM will be built right into your house. It will prevent you from doing anything that Disney considers a violation of intellectual property (as Disney defines it). That means your VCR won't record. Your DVR will self-destruct. Your computer won't download music or videos. You CDs will be locked to the first player you use the disc in. Your original and priceless manuscript of Grimm's Fairy Tales will smolder and burn (Disney now owns all that). iPods and other MP3 players will have permanent memory corruption. You'll be sent a bill for royalties if it detects you singing copyrighted songs in the shower (and the "Happy Birthday" song you sing for your kid on his third birthday).

Re:Bathroom jokes

[sconeu]

Will the toilet only accept one kind of input?

G-d, I hope not. It had better take at least two kinds of input (or two kinds of your output). Preferably at least three (if you get sick and need to shout into the great white telephone).

But

[biased_estimator]

...does it run Linux?

A countertop with an atitude

[charlesj68]

countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes.

Great, and probably insult me over my choice of vegetables. Or, chastise me over not buying enough "organic".

Re:Home of the future...

[Anonymous Coward]

countertops that suggest recipes for food placed on them seem about as useful as as a closet that suggest where I might want to go based on the clothes I take out.

Actually, they sound even less useful than your idea - that closet might at least be good for some shits and giggles.

"You're dressing up slutty tonight! Would you like directions to the red light district?"
*sounds of an expensive talking closet being turned into firewood by an axe*

Re:Don't forget the most important feature!

[Locklin]

I'm sorry, you want to use your toaster in the bathtub? You have to purchase extra permissions to do that: $50 at amazon.com.

Remember, breaking usage agreements is STEALING. You wouldn't steal an old ladies purse, would you?

Any unauthorized appliance usage, or sharing of appliances is deemed a criminal offense and will be instantly reported directly to Microsoft.com. Your house will enter a "restricted usage" mode, and will drop to below freezing until sufficient licenses are purchased.

But ...

[shis-ka-bob]

That may work in the House of the Future, but it will never be approved by the Senate of the Future.

Re:I would like to see...TWO BRICKS BEING SMASHED

[sm62704]

Microsoft has a hand in it, so considering how they write their software I doubt you can remove or replace anything in thhe house without the walls turning blue, black, or crashing down.

If you remove the laser razor is it "House Of The Future Lite"? I'll bet you can only use Microsoft Light Bulbs and Microsoft Lamps because the bulb screws, light sockets, and wall plugs are all nonstandard and proprietary.

Re:Home of the future...

[countSudoku()]

Oh boy, I can't wait for the future house to tell me it's having a problem getting rid of a virus in the fridge-server and all my Choco-Tacos have melted! Then I'll set a nice tri-tip onto the counter and see if I can't get around the "Unrecognized Item on Counter! Abort, Retry, Ignore?" displayed on the inside of my eyelids. Future House I already hate you! :)

Wake me when the house of the future runs on a platform that is secure and stable and relatively free of solutions in search of problems.

Re:Time to join the Luddites...

[rucs_hack]

Um, yeah, of course.

What do you think are the chances of a computer controlled house with net access that *doesn't* spam you with ads?

There will be three kinds of utility for your web house. I shall elaborate.

Basic:

All the 'features', but to access them you must willingly subject yourself to advertising, and targeted recommendations.

Standard:

All the features, no non elective ads, but you're still likely to have 'great suggestions' coming in, facebook app-like, trying to get you to winningly accept the ads..

Premium.

They give you the device, and leave you the fuck alone. Expect this to be itself in one of two further sub-categories

sub-cat 1: Far too expensive for most people.

sub-cat 2: Available only to selected people, likely not even able to be bought.

I can't wait to see how it all works together

[stormguard2099]

Father: Come on medicine cabinet! I need my insulin!

Automated medicine cabinet: The serial number on your refrigerator seems to be invalid. Please call 1-800-chinasoft for assistence.

Father: Alright but hurry up I have to get to work.

Phone: It appears your telephone service provider is not supported. Can I interest you in signing up for MSNfone?

Father: I knew I should have installed linux but I just couldn't find those drivers for my countertop and showercurtain .

Re:A more likely scenario...

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, but who the fuck wants to see the inside of a cargo hold?

Re:Tough House

[Anonymous Coward]

I dunno ... I kinda think a house tough enough to withstand a wrecking ball has a lot of forward thinking utility.

You foresee a lot of errant stray wrecking balls flailing through the air in the future?

Re:Time to join the Luddites...

[Abreu]

If they try that, those idiots will be first against the wall when the revolution comes

Re:House of the future compatible with today?

[Xtravar]

They already make houses out of materials which exhibit the properties you seek.

They're called "Legos".

Re:Time to join the Luddites...

[UberOogie]

Not only that, but can you imagine the amount of research they are going to have to do with cannibals considering that human hands will be the most common thing on the countertop?

Countertops

[Anonymous Coward]

"countertops that can identify food placed on it and suggest recipes"

how stupid is that... when my food gets on the countertop, it's because I already know what I am going to do with it...

Will I need to empy my fridge on my countertop to know what to cook every day?

Anyway, it's been tried before and it's totally useless.... instead it should track what you have in the fridge and suggest what you can cook with what you have... or tell you what to buy to make a specific recipe...

Me: What can I cook ?
Fridge: Beer... beer chicken... beer hotdogs... beer cheese... beer...

Re:Additional feature

[Creepy]

not only that - the friendly Microsoft voice activated software will help you run your home

~~Home of the Future Premium Edition~~
me: Computer! shower on.
computer: warning - this will change your current hardware settings, which requires admin approval - are you sure you want to do that? Say 'yes' to continue, 'no' to cancel.
me: yes
~shower turns on cold water~
me: computer - set water to 36 degrees
computer: sets temp.
me: computer -this is still freezing - I said use Celsius yesterday - don't you learn?
computer: command not understood.
me: computer: set water to 36 degrees CELSIUS
computer: this is a US based system and only allows Fahrenheit temperatures. For international measurement packs, install House of the Future Ultimate Edition.
me: *%*#%*^ - computer - set temp to 98F!
computer: House temperature is now set to 98 degrees Fahrenheit.
me: aaargh - no computer, set shower water temperature to 98F and house temp to 70F.
computer: shower water temp set to 98F. please enter commands one at a time.
me: computer: set house temp to 70F.
computer: house temp set to 70F
~~shower~~
me: computer - shower off
computer: warning - this will change your current hardware settings, which requires admin approval - are you sure you want to do that? Say 'yes' to continue, 'no' to cancel.
me: yes!
~~shower turns off~~

Re:Bathroom jokes

[JonWan]

Or worse... they install clippy.

"I see you're trying to masterbate, Would you like me to show you a picture of:"

1. Britney Spears nude.
2. Goatse.
3. Natalie Portman petrified and covered in grits.

After Hours...

[Diginosis]

Best janitor breakroom ever?

Re:Any day now

[Anonymous Coward]

Clippy:
It appears you are burning your toast. Would you like some help with that?

UAC:
You are attempting to microwave a Cup-o-Noodle
[Allow] [cancel]

Re:Time to join the Luddites...

[aywwts4]

You forgot number four.

Ultimate:

I hacked my home by running a buffer overflow exploit on my blender, loaded linux and now my house can fly to the moon.

Mmmmm, pork roast...

[NotQuiteReal]

I often sit on my kitchen counters.

[+HAL9000 voice] Excuse me, Dave. It seems you have a large quantity of SPAM there, may I suggest a recipe? [-HAL9000 voice]

Re:I would like to see...TWO BRICKS BEING SMASHED

[Anonymous Coward]

See, if you were running an operating system that didn't crash all the time, you wouldn't be so grumpy. :)

Re:Time to join the Luddites...

[Anonymous Coward]

But when you put them against the wall, will the wall offer tips on organizing a firing squad?

Re:Any day now

[mangu]

Duke Nukem Forever running on a secure update to Microsoft Windows

No, the secure Microsoft Windows will be the server, Duke Nukem Forever will run on the Linux Desktop

I think I've seen this before...

[HiggsBison]

... and Yul Brynner goes nuts and kills everybody.