Fifth Cable Cut To Middle East

You may have noticed a number of stories recently about undersea cables getting cut around the world. Apparently the total is now up to 5, but the scariest part of this is that Iran is now offline. You can also read Schneier's comments on this coincidence. Update: 02/06 17:42 GMT by Z : As a commenter notes, though the country of Iran is obviously experiencing some networking difficulties, it is not offline.

What they are thinking.

[suso]

Hmmm, let me see. Is this one it? No that's Syria. Is this it? No that's Saudi Arabia. Ah, here we go, Iran.

fp

[Anonymous Coward]

first post on the fifth cable

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[SailorSpork]

Why can I picture George Dubbya Bush in a scuba suit, holding a giant pair of sheers and screaming "I'll cut off the terrorist's interweb tubes!"

hmm

[Anonymous Coward]

The system is down. The system is down. The system is down. Down. Down, down, down, down.</strongbad>

How many?

[MBGMorden]

Didn't they say Iran was completely offline when the third cable was cut? Then I hear a fourth cable was and they were "now they're offline"! Now there's a fifth cable cut and the news is saying "Now they're REALLY REALLY offline!". And yet it still appears that they are still not offline.

So, how many fscking cables do they have and can they please tell us exactly how many have to go down before I can't ping a single thing in Iran? I don't wanna go through this on the next 12 cables . . .

Obivously

[Joe U]

Obivously, it's to stop them from downloading Truecrypt 5.

Top Secret

[fredz1]

It's "Operation Notwork" AKA "InterNot" it was Big Dick's idea, but I liked it... submarine, big pair of scissors, there you go. - W

Re:Iran has NOT "offline"

[ahsile]

Omg... Get your tinfoil hat hating ass out of here. This is slashdot! Everything is a conspiracy! Iran is being slowly disconnected from the internet so that the US can bomb them and nobody will know! Because reporters couldn't ever tell us about it without the interwab!

Sheesh.

Re:Iran has NOT "offline"

[unbug]

A quick perusal of, e.g., newspaper web sites in Iran finds every one I have tried working fine, including all state-run media. As is the web site of the Government of Iran and numerous other government and press web sites physically located in Iran. See for yourself.

Jeez, if this goes on Iran will be offline - it will be slashdotted. But maybe that was the plan all along...

Re:Coordinated attack?

[wonkavader]

I'm tired of this myth. For the LAST TIME: There are NO laser-equipped sharks. All the shark operatives are issued simple wire cutters. Tests with sharks equipped with nuclear landmines were abandoned after it was found that the chickens [wikipedia.org] drown too quickly for the sharks to be maximally effective.

Re:How many?

[gingerTabs]

So, how many fscking cables do they have and can they please tell us exactly how many have to go down before I can't ping a single thing in Iran? I don't wanna go through this on the next 12 cables . . .

Surely your military advisers would give you a better answer than /. George...

Egypt Loses Its Wireless Connectivity

[briggsb]

The conspiracy theorists just got more fodder. A low-flying plane cut Egypt's wireless Internet connectivity [bbspot.com].

Re:fp

[halivar]

first post on the fifth cable

No wonder it took so long to get here.

Re:Iran has NOT "offline"

[Rik Sweeney]

...and has NOT lost net connectivity.

Meanwhile, at the NWO headquarters:

Underling: "President Bush, Iran still isn't offline!"
Bush: "Dammit, Osama, what the fuck am I paying you for?"
Bin Laden: "Sorry Sir, I'll get right on it"
Elvis: "And get it right this time!"

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[William-Ely]

The plot is much more sinister than we think. Step 1: Cut cables Step 2: Post story on Slashdot Step 3: Have everyone ping Iranian servers to death to prove story wrong Step 4: ??? Step 5: PROFIT!

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[Per Wigren]

I doubt it. If anything, we would want Iran to have 100% free and uncensored access for all citizens.

Impossible. That would enable them to share music and movies. Hollywood would go bankrupt.

Re:Except that Iran has NOT gone "offline"

[stonecypher]

So when the basic, sole premise and of the story is wrong, and by extension the clear implication, where do we go from there?

I'm not sure. Traditionally someone says something about Katz or Piquapille, but it's not so easy here.

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[Anonymous Coward]

Where can I apply to become a Japanese fisherman?

Re:riiight.

[Quiet_Desperation]

the author clearly has his tinfoil underpants and armadillo hat on.

I call it Battlestar Syndrome. It's like Munchausen Syndrome (there's also Battlestar By Proxy Syndrome), except instead of trying to draw attention or sympathy, they wish to be seen as some sort of rebel ("a rag tag rebel fleet") fighting against some shadowy conspiracy. They actually thing the US is now the worst fascist dictatorship ever to exist, and that the creepy Half Life G-Man is tracking their comic book and grocery purchases with 50 special agents and six supercomputers deep beneath the Earth's crust.

Oh boy. Here comes some more modding down by folks who can;t take a joke.

Re:This is obviously the work of....

[rodney dill]

or Manbearpigsquid (for underwater work)

We'd never be so obvious

[Lucas123]

With all of our technology and our superior intelligence community, why would we be so naiive as to think that cutting cables wouldn't be an obvious ploy to disrupt communications among Middle Eastern countries, and so that tactic would only backfire on us? Unless, our intelligence community calculated that everyone would think it was obvious, so that we'd never do it because everyone would immediately know it was us. But then, people would realize that we knew that they knew we'd think it was an obvious ploy and therefore no one would believe we'd done it, so then they would't believe we'd done it, all just to throw them off. But then, people would realize that we knew that they knew that we'd knew they'd knew... forget it. I'm going back to sleep.

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[randyest]

Intact.

Unless you meant that the network is inside a small nail.

(Also their but I've just about given up on that one.)

Oblig quote

[eclectic_hermit]

Fry: What's happening?

Dr. Zoidberg: All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Fry: Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls! When will they learn?

.

P.S. On a side note, how can we not believe in a conspiracty at this rate??? Seriously!!!

Re:Iran has NOT "offline"

[cHiphead]

I hadn't considered that angle. Maybe its the first step of the aliens plans to disable the internet prior to invasion, they're checking response time on repairs, its a great tactical move.

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[risk one]

Who cares about them, doesn't anybody realize that we're cut of from the Iranian network? What will I do without Ahmadinejad's delightful blog?

Re:A communications disruption?

[geminidomino]

Ok, that stopped being funny between the 2nd and 3rd cables.

Re:Iran has NOT "offline"

[Farhood]

just called some family (in Iran)...asked them if their 'net was up. they said yea...asked me if mine was up. I said no...damn comcast.

Cthulhu?

[StarEmperor]

Now we know where Cthulhu stands on the issue of net neutrality.

Comedy gold.

[rmadmin]

First attempt I got a "503 Service Unavailable". How fitting. =)

OH NOES! The slashdot tubes have been cut!

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[Chris Burke]

I'm sure they meant that Iran's internal net infrastructure is turning into the wind.

Re:wtf

[rasputin465]

If anything I'm not buying a lottery ticket today, the planets have aligned and its not in our favor.

And before this, lottery tickets were a safe investment??

"The lottery is just a tax for people who can't do math."

Re:NSA cable tapping

[rasputin465]

Maybe the dolphins are getting back at us for all of those tuna nets.

"So long and thanks for all the fish, but screw you and your damned tuna nets!"

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[spidercoz]

Never give up! The illiterati must be destroyed, or at least beaten with a dictionary.

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[Anarke_Incarnate]

I believe Kim Jung Il has a Myspace.......... Ooooh, he's in my extended network.

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[uniqueUser]

My first thought was that maybe Iran did it to themselves (to stop public information) but there is better ways of doing that (ie China). I think there is a 70% chance that this was on purpose. If it was on purpose, I think that there is a 90% chance that Iran did not do it. If Iran did not do it, then I say 60% chance Israel did. If Israel did do it, there is a 90% chance that the US helped. Can someone do the math?

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[Anonymous Coward]

Your IP address has been noted. Expect a visit from us very soon.

Sincerely,
Head Goon
MIB Dept

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[PReDiToR]

--

"I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it in good English"

There. Fixed that for you.

(This is a .SIG related joke, if you have them turned off)

Re:Goldfinger meets Pogo

[PReDiToR]

God said unto Moses, take these tablets down the mountain, there are ten of them and each one comes from a different English speaking part of the world.

Moses arrived in the UK a little late to help out the Bard, but these days we're on fairly solid ground when it comes to the en_GB dictionary. No, really. Every Linux distro I've used has it, and it's installed as default in my copy of Firefox, I can even download OpenOffice and Firefox with all the British language packs installed, I swear to god!