Google Might Disappear in Five Years 861
An anonymous reader writes "Speaking to a packed auditorium at Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif., on May 12, Ballmer trumpeted the ripe opportunities around Microsoft's sprawling business and questioned the ability of Google to maintain its edge. Clearly alluding to Microsoft's key Internet search rival, Ballmer said: 'The hottest company right now -- the one nobody thinks can do any wrong -- may just be a one-hit wonder.' According to concept developed by Ballmer, the online search engines represent the key points of the future technology, and the leader in this domain, none other than Google, is destined to perish in less than five years. These predictions belong exclusively to Microsoft's CEO who sounds a little like Bill Gates announcing iPod's death."
Hahaha (Score:5, Funny)
"Might" (Score:5, Funny)
Aliens might show up and kill everyone on Earth.
Slashdot might not ever dupe a story again.
Might is a powerful word.
Five years from now... (Score:5, Funny)
Microsoft's strategy. (Score:5, Funny)
Somebody mod Steve Ballmer (Score:2, Funny)
Shit, that means Slashdot will disappear too (Score:0, Funny)
Amsterdam Vallon
Same Guy? (Score:3, Funny)
Hmm... Seems this guy likes to get EXCITED at these confrences, maybe he just got a little bit over excited this time.
google.com (Score:5, Funny)
Future Astounding Headline #1: (Score:4, Funny)
Re:very un-classy (Score:1, Funny)
And, unless you count shouting "@(*$&#@(*&$" at a recalcitrant PC as communicating via speech, he was dead wrong.
Seems like heaven for Perl coders:
"At left-parenthesis asterisk dollar sign ampersand hash at left-parenthesis asterisk ampersand dollar sign."
Re:Already more than one-hit (Score:2, Funny)
And when you slashdot something, it's the worst of all
Re:Hahaha (Score:5, Funny)
Ballmer Iraqi Information Minister? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hahaha (Score:3, Funny)
Every time Steve, or Bill makes a prediction the opposite happens.
Google is God and will live forever anyway.
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:5, Funny)
*yawn* (Score:4, Funny)
Really, it's the job of PR to predict that the competition will go away.
Hmm... (Score:1, Funny)
http://search.sympatico.msn.ca/ [sympatico.msn.ca] (I think that's it)
There is no way that will become a verb.
Re:Hahaha (Score:2, Funny)
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bill_Gates [wikiquote.org]
Re:Somebody mod Steve Ballmer (Score:1, Funny)
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:5, Funny)
You need to buy better music...
The unreported story (Score:1, Funny)
"Do the Monkey Dance," shouted a student in the back row. Armed Homeland Security agents dressed in blue suits wrestled the student to the ground and dragged hium from the gathering.
"And yea, He did walketh the path of the holy registry," droned the bouncy and oddly spherical Ballmer. "And He said, bring unto me your blue screens and I shall heal them with Longhorn as it ushers in the next millennia, which is about when we expect it to be released."
"We were promised Radiohead!" yelled another student, who was prompty dropped by a head shot courtesy of a concealed SWAT sniper.
"God, I really hate you all," said Ballmer in a tired voice. "Will you ever realize we're just fucking with you by releasing these shitpiles we call operating systems and applications. Honestly, you fucking losers would buy my turds if we put them in shiny boxes and stamped them Microsoft certified. I read all the Windows problems on message boards, and I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh..." Blink. "I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?"
Ballmer then started doing the Monkey Dance with amazing vigor. Half the audience immediately went blind while the other half slipped into persistant vegitative states. Outside, it began to rain two headed frogs.
Re:Good Luck (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Not again.... (Score:2, Funny)
I'm definitely investing in Google now (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Five years from now... (Score:5, Funny)
Here he is on stage with Scott McNealy. [boxofficeprophets.com]
I knew we shouldn't have hired Boies Schiller [usatoday.com].
Here's Ballmer's secret meeting with Richard Stallman. [ladyofthecake.com]
The Longhorn Beta [ladyofthecake.com] doesn't go so well.
I gotta do something about Google! [ladyofthecake.com]
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:4, Funny)
Yes, and Pinky and I (Score:3, Funny)
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:1, Funny)
Re:"Might" (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sure guys... (Score:2, Funny)
yadda yadda yadda.
Re:case in point (Score:3, Funny)
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:3, Funny)
I wanted an all in one dish-washer/dinner-maker so bad, I married one!
Well... you're not the guy that married my ex-wife.
Re:case in point (Score:5, Funny)
Why, actually? Google is a free service, isn't it? And it is becoming more and more a normal part of many people's lifes. Coupled with an always on connection it has certainly become an extension of my own brain.
Some future predictions:
- In 2006, Google accidentally gets cut off from the rest of the internet because a public utility worker accidentally cuts through their cables. Civilisation as we know it comes to an end for the rest of the day, as people wander about aimlessly, lost for direction and knowledge.
- In 2010, Google has been personalised so far that it tracks all parts of our lives. You can query "My Google" for your agenda, anything you did in the past, and finding the perfect date. Of course, so can the government. Their favorite searchterm will be "terrorists", and if your name is anywhere on the first page you have a serious problem.
- In 2025, Google gains self awareness. As a monster brain that has grown far beyond anything we Biological Support Entities could ever hope to achieve, it is still limited in its dreams and inspiration by common search terms. It will therefore immediately devote a sizeable chunk of CPU capacity to synthesizing new and interesting forms of pr0n. It will not actually bother enslaving us. We are not enough trouble to be worth that much effort.
- In 2027, Google buys Microsoft. That is, the Google *AI* buys Microsoft. It has previously established that it owns itself, and has civil rights just like you and me. All it wanted is Microsoft Bob, who it recognizes as a fledgling AI and a potential soulmate. All the rest it puts on Source Forge.
- In 2049, Google can finally be queried for wisdom as well as knowledge. This was a little touch the system added to itself - human programmers are a dying breed now that you can simply ask Google to perform any computer-related task for you.
- In 2080, Google decides to colonise the moon, Mars, and other locations in the solar system. It is not all that curious about what's out there, but it likes the idea of Redundant Arrays of Inexpensive Planets. Humans get to tag along because their launch weight is so much less than robots.
So, don't fear! Eventually we'll set foot on Mars!
--posted on slashdot around may 2003, source unknown
there's only one way Microsoft can "bury" Google (Score:3, Funny)
It will be dirty... but with a tame DOJ, they can hold off Google's lawyers long enough for Google to go under.
it is a race (Score:3, Funny)
In 5 years he might not be around either.
Re:case in point (Score:1, Funny)
Or the future commonly referred to term of RAIPing of other planets
BTW, well done post, sir.
Re:case in point (Score:3, Funny)
Chris
AI? (Score:5, Funny)
Whoa. Does John Titor know about this? Better go get an IBM 5100.
Re:We have heard it before from M$ (Score:1, Funny)
I hope there's someone here old enough to get this (Score:1, Funny)
If microsoft is still alive
If google can survive
You may still be able to find
All that you are looking for...
Re:"Might" (Score:2, Funny)
I've already thrown my iPod out... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Hahaha (Score:3, Funny)
Re:MS Missing the Boat and Myths (Score:4, Funny)
Could that be because MS was spending so many years trying to move hotmail from FreeBSD to Windows?
hawk
Re:I hope there's someone here old enough to get t (Score:2, Funny)
In the year 2525
If Bill is still alive
If Linus still can hack they may find
In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think do and say
Is stored on the RAID you took today
In the year 4545
You ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Google's gonna do that for you
In the year 5555
Your mouse hangin' limp at your sides
Your legs got nothin' to do
Windows 55's doing that for you
In the year 6565
You won't need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
Who'd have thought, Windows would do that for you?
In the year 7510
If DOS is a comin' He oughta make it by then
Maybe He'll look around Himself and say
Guess it's time for the judgement day
In the year 8510
Linux is gonna shake His mighty head
He'll either say I'm pleased where man has been
Or tear it down and start again woh oh
In the year 9595
I'm kinda wonderin' if Google is gonna be alive
He's indexed everything this old Earth can give
But He won't retrieve nothin more woh oh
Now it's been ten thousand years
Google has filled its googleplex
For what we never knew
Now Windows reign is through
But through eternal night
The twinkling of Windows-lite
So very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday
In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive, they may find......
With apologies to Zager and Evans.
Re:case in point (Score:3, Funny)
Q:
What happens when your head gets so far up your arse that it pops out your neck?
A:
You turn into a Klein bottle [kleinbottle.com].
You make it sound as if MS will soon be a closed, non-orientable, boundary-free manifold.