95% of IT Projects Not Delivered On Time 654
An anonymous reader wrote " The Globe and Mail reports that 'A new report conducted by market research firm Info-Tech Research Group says 95 per cent of information technology groups are not delivering some number of projects on time or to the full satisfaction of the business executive.' The article goes on to discuss the reasons for this pervasive (perceived?) problem. The article mentions Info-Tech's reasons: unrealistic time frames, staff shortages, and poorly defined project scope. However, the article's author lays the blame with vendors."
Not on time again (Score:5, Funny)
And in related news... (Score:5, Funny)
Where's the Obvious Tag (Score:4, Funny)
Oh, its late...
Slashdot Already Proves This (Score:5, Funny)
95%... (Score:5, Funny)
... and the other 5% never ship at all. (ie Duke Nukem Forever)
Re:Nah (Score:5, Funny)
You may learn from this experience.
I remember on my first web dev (Score:5, Funny)
Well duhhhh (Score:2, Funny)
Canadian I.T. projects? (Score:5, Funny)
story (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Merge it. (Score:0, Funny)
Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
Re:In other news (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, it won't be until 11:30
We're running late
Re:95%... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Nah (Score:5, Funny)
Clearly a specification error on the customer's behalf. You should have requested 8 (or so) fluid ounces of liquid caffeine-bearing (I assume!) sustenance produced by passing hot water through the ground, blended beans of particular coffee tree species, while supported in a paper (or copper, or gold. Again, assumptions!) filter.
Algorithm: why projects are not delivered on time. (Score:5, Funny)
if(doneByEmployees){
if(manager.clueless){
if(manager.schedule.isRidiculous()){
project.lateness.reason = "Employees came, they saw the schedule, they laughed, then they did the project in its natural timeframe";
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Employees came, they saw the schedule, something went wrong, all hell broke loose, then they finished the project as fast as they could, considering";
}
} else if (manager.isEvil) {
project.lateness.reason = "Employees hate him anyway and ignored his sadistic schedule. General sentiment of 'fuck it, I'm on salary' prevails, manager crashes and burns, employees get reassigned, everybody sings 'ding dong, the witch is dead' and goes to Starbucks for coffee";
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Unforseen problems arose, employees did their best to deal with them, stakeholders wouldn't budge on schedule, so the project was late.";
}
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "maximization of billable hours (duh)";
}
} else {
project.lateness.reason = "Incredible, absolutely amazing scope creep, maximization of billable hours, platform/system/vendor changes midstream, refusal to engage in technology transfer as extortion technique, total screw up of vendor, outsourcing to country without indoor plumbing (but assume they can handle high technology), etc, etc, etc";
}
Did I miss anything?
Obviously (Score:3, Funny)
SCOPE CREEP! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Nah (Score:2, Funny)
It also gives me time to check on Slashdot.
No coincidence (Score:3, Funny)
Probably also thanks to /. your project is late in the first place...
Re:Nah (Score:5, Funny)
Re: Here's a relevant old joke (Score:5, Funny)
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. " "You must be an engineer", says the balloonist. "I am", replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management." "I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Re:Nah (Score:5, Funny)
Upon delivering the completed project, the end user simply states:
"Now hold on, this is exactly what I asked for.. But not what I wanted!"
Re:This just in. (Score:2, Funny)
1) Set the release date.
2) Code.
3) Act like you're testing.
4) Gather requirements.
5) Release software.
6) Bolt on functionality to 'meet' requirements.
7) ???
8) Profit!!!
Re:Nah (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Nah (Score:3, Funny)
Re:misleading headline (Score:4, Funny)
Canadian information technology groups can't seem to get IT right.
Not to mention, that 95% Canadian is only like 50% American.
You have to lie to get the project (Score:5, Funny)
There are two type of managers. Let's call them "Honest Joe" and "Sleazy Bob". Both want to lead the project and must meet with the executive who can approve the project. This is how it goes.
Executive: "Hi Joe. Tell me you much this project will cost and how long it will take."
Honest Joe: "It's going to cost five million dollars and will take about eighteen months".
Executive: "Thanks, Joe. You're fired. Before you clean out your office, could you stop by Bob's office and tell him I want to talk to him?"
Bob walks in...
Sleazy Bob: "Wow, I really like your tie. You know, I saw that tee shot you made on number four yesterday. Absolutely amazing. Did you ever consider going pro?"
Executive: "Thanks, Bob. Now about this project. How much will it cost and how long will it take?"
Sleazy Bob: "Six months and a half a mil."
Executive: "Sounds great. Get on it".
Eighteen months and five million dollars later the project is complete and Bob gets promoted.
If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this scenario play out, I wouldn't need a job anymore.
Re: Here's a relevant old joke (Score:5, Funny)
"My smallest cow, you say? Well, why not, give me your estimate," replied the cowboy.
"Sir, you have exactly 400 head of cattle," the man said after some contemplation.
"Wow, that's exactly correct," said the cowboy surprised. So, the man walked over, picked up his prize and put it in his trunk. The cowboy, concerned for the animal, asked, "Now, if I can tell you your profession, would you let me win back the animal?"
The man, somewhat taken aback, agreed with a chuckle, "Sure."
"Sir, you are a consultant," said the cowboy without hesitation.
"Wow. That's pretty impressive. How did you know?"
"Well, you came out of nowhere telling me that you could give me an answer to a question I didn't ask for a price that was over the top," said the cowboy with a stern look. "Now give me back my dog."
--Wish I knew who to attribute this to
Of Course they are late (an over budget) (Score:1, Funny)
If you had a nickel... (Score:4, Funny)
Let's be generous, and assume you've seen this scenario four times per day: that's USD0.20/day.
Assuming you don't work on weekends, that's USD1.00/week.
If you don't take holidays, that's USD52/year.
I'd always assumed the cost of living in the US was a bit higher than that.