Telemarketers Sue Over "Do Not Call" List

Joey Patterson writes "CNN reports that 'Telemarketers expanded their legal challenge to the government's do-not-call list, suing a second federal agency over the call-blocking service for consumers that the industry says will devastate business and cost as many as two million jobs.'"

repeat after me

[Neophytus]

The list works. What a shame

In other words...

[Joey Patterson]

will devastate business and cost as many as two million jobs Telephonus Marketroidae are getting closer to the Endangered Species List.

Won't work

[El]

Isn't this exactly like the candle manufacturers suing the electric utilities, claiming electricity will cause massive job loss? On the other hand, what are all those losers whose only skill is having a big mouth and being able to follow a script going to do for a living now?

OK, let me guess...

[ckd]

They're stating that not only has the FTC been distributing their intellectual property over P2P networks, but that it was also illegally incorporated into Linux.

(What? This is a different lawsuit? I thought Slashdot only covered the RIAA and SCO!)

Re:repeat after me

[LooseChanj]

Except for the fact it doesn't. Just about the only person *not* exempted from calling people on the list is Homer and his auto-dialer.

I cry.

[nsanders]

*sheds a tear for the pain and suffering of telemarketers*

Exemptions?

[Ominous Coward]

Exemptions included...calls on behalf of politicians.

So, even if I put up the telephone equivalent of a "Do not trespass" sign, the craziest of all businessmen are still allowed to call me?

Re:In other words...

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't say that!!! Then the government will require us to take at least 5 calls from them every night, and we'll get fined a ton of money if we hang up on them!!!

TowerDave

New Jobs...

[brianosaurus]

Maybe those 2 million people can get jobs selling magazines door-to-door.

Oh wait. People hate that, too.

Hypocritical polticians...

[focitrixilous P]

Exemptions from the list include calls from charities and pollsters and calls on behalf of politicians.
But calls from people telling me, Vote for Dayton/Coleman/Ventura/ whoever else is running are the worst kind. And don't get me started on charity calls, It's bad when they try to sell something, it's worse when the ask me to give them something for nothing. Toughen the law even more, I say. Make those annoying "oops wrong number" calls a federal offense. I don't want my phone to ring for anyone I don't already know. In fact, add my family to the list. The only ones I want to allow to call me are single women.

Re:Won't work

[vmxeo]

On the other hand, what are all those losers whose only skill is having a big mouth and being able to follow a script going to do for a living now?

...technical support

(I'm sorry. Its been one of those kind of days)

Let me get this straight....

[zippity8]

So, people that don't want to be called put themselves on a list. Alternatively, others can remain off the list and still receive calls.

The telemarketing companies end up calling only those that are willing to listen. Instead of wasting time, they call someone else that will listen to them and be a possible sale.

And.... they are complaining?

Devastate business? What's next?

[Anonymous Coward]

Drugs dealers suing the government for ruining the market?

Re:Won't work

[Cheeze]

Having a big mouth and being able to follow a script sounds like the job description of a politician.

Ooh

[Sir Haxalot]

'...cost as many as two million jobs.'
Another group of people who went to the 'RIAA School of Maths'

I think Bush said it best

[Rogerborg]

You are either a consumer, or you are with the terrorists.

Well, paraphrasing slightly, but I think you get the picture. If you can't be pressured into buying things that you don't want and don't need, then what's going to happen to all the people making those things, and applying that pressure? They'll have to get, you know, actual jobs.

I suggest they start making buggy whips, as most of us need them about as much as the current products and services that need to pimp themselves with unsolicited calls.

On other news...

[Pac]

"Hell has expanded its ongoing legal challenge to religion and is suing yet another church over the concept of salvation, which Hell claims is devastating its business and will cost millions minimum-wage demons their jobs."

It is as easy as that. Build a business on annoying people and then, when the annoyed people react, cry "But won't anyone think of the children (of our employees)?". The point is they shouldn't exist in the first place (the employees, not their children). It should not be everybody else's problem if you have a business model based upon a service no one wants (because if everybody wanted it we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?).

*The sound...*

[jellisky]

*... of the world's smallest violin plays for the ATA.*

Anyone else feel like starting up a telemarketing scam for telemarketers?

"Hello, sir. Are you pissed since people no longer want to hear your sales pitch during their dinners? Would you like to hear about a technology which beats that nasty 'do not call' list? With our new technology, we are able to allow you to get around those laws and continue letting you peddle your crappy interest rate credit cards and stupid health insurance policies without the federal government finding out about it all! Are you interested, sir?"

"What? It sounds like you're eating right now. Well, just think about how surprised your potential clients will be when they have the same thing happen to them. If I can just get your name, address, telephone number, credit card and social security numbers, we can send our informational package to you for the low price of $159.99!"

-Jellisky

Re:ah the old "we lose our industry" excuse

[Rosco P. Coltrane]

yesterdays novelties are today's nuisances

So true. *cough* Clippy *cough* ...
No wait, Clippy's been a nuisance from the start.

Re:Cost two million jobs...

[minus_273]

the constutional right to profit is right there in the bill of rights with the right to privacy...

MOD PARENT UP

[Anonymous Coward]

He makes good points. Does this mean we can sue India for taking away all our programming jobs?

Re:New Jobs...

[AntiOrganic]

But how would you ever learn about money laundering if not for the door-to-door Vibe magazine salesman?

Why complain?

[loconet]

Why even complain about the do not call list if those people listed on the do not call list basically are saying that they don't want to buy stuff from the telemarketers in the first place!

That's like me getting a list of girls who would never go out with me. I'd love to have that list , it would save me time. Then again that list might be bigger than the do not call list, but that is beside the point.

Re:2 Million workers should say thank you

[harley_frog]

They finally have to find a more dignified job.

Like going into porn.

Re:repeat after me

[iceT]

No matter what you say, *someone* will disagree.

No they won't.

Marketing, a long time ago and far far way?

[Bazzargh]

"marketing will always exist"...got me thinking...

Luke struggles to remove a small metal fragment from Artoo's neck joint. He uses a larger pick.

LUKE: Well, my little friend, you've got something jammed in here real good. Were you on a cruiser or...

The fragment breaks loose with a snap, sending Luke tumbling. He sits up and sees a twelve-inch three-dimensional hologram of Leia Organa, being projected from Artoo. The image flickers and jiggles in the dimly lit garage. Luke's mouth hangs open in awe.

VOICE: Help me, you're my only hope. My name is OBI-WAN KENOBI, if you help me by transfering $12BN credits into your account, you too can have a 12 inch Organa like mine!

LUKE: Aaaagh!!*%^$_"$£!!!!!?

Clearly What We Really Need

[saddino]

is a Do-Not-Sue list!

Re:Yawn.

[Jim Hall]

I've developed an interesting habit when I get "pseudo-telemarketer" calls (in MN, certain services are exempted from the state DNC list.) I first heard a similar story on NPR, and it has worked well for me. Here's the call I had most recently:

telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Sara, and I represent ___ mortgage company."

me: "I don't believe your name is Sara."

Sara: "What? Er.. hmm... well.. Why don't you believe my name is Sara?"

me: "Well, okay. I guess I didn't mean it that way. I'll believe your name is 'Sara'. But I don't believe you're a real person. I think you're a computer program."

Sara: "Huh? What? Why would you think I'm a computer program?"

me: "Because I'm on the do-not-call list, so I can't believe a person would actually call me. You'd have to be a computer program."

Sara: (laughs .. has a place to get back on the script) "The do-not-call doesn't apply to us. So I'm not a computer program."

me: "That's what a computer program would probably say."

Sara: "Okay, well I guess I won't waste your time tonight." (hangs up)

And in a related news story today...

[dos4who]

The US DEA has initiated a crackdown on unwanted drug dealers in affluent neighborhoods all across the US, causing countless millions to be out of work... ~m

Why don't thieves...

[SharpFang]

, muggers and such start a suit in defense of their jobs? Finally forbidding thievery forced SO many of them work illegally and risk law consequences...

Re:Why complain?

[Anonymous Coward]

That's like me getting a list of girls who would never go out with me. I'd love to have that list , it would save me time.

You have it now... Its called a Phone Book.

Re:I think Bush said it best

[guaraguao]

I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "I think Bush said it best."

Favorite strategies

[djeaux]

I for one am delighted that so many telemarketeers have set up their call centers in India, Singapore, Malaysia & Pakistan, because invariably the callers are unable to pronounce my name. This keeps me honest & true to the Boy Scout Law:

Caller: May I speak to Mr Yozepp Cleeboorn?
Me: Nobody by that name lives here.
*click*

I'm sure the last caller was the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. <sigh>

My wife's favorite strategy is to look at caller ID. If it's "unknown name & number", she quickly taps the answer & then the end button. This denies the caller the chance to tag our answering machine, which my wife says they get some sort of credit for doing. Dunno if this is true, but I've learned never to argue with my wife over this sort of thing.

Meanwhile, I'm still working on my telemarketer zapper device which will send a 140 db burst of noise up the line... And now it looks like the no-call lists will steal all my potential market :-(

Re:Cost two million jobs...

[aprentic]

Oh yeah. I love screwing with telemarketers.
Here are some of my favorites:

1)
me: "Can you hold please?"
them: "Sure."
me:

2)
me:
me: What are you wearing?

3)
me: "Excuse me, is telemarketing your primary means of reaching your target consumer group?"
them: "Uh, I think so."
me: "Well did you know that there are currently 85 million hosts on the internet and that number is growing every day. For a $49.95 setup fee and just $19.95 a month I can set you up with a web site which can potentially market your product or service to each and every one of them..."

4)
Then there's always the famous Seinfeld one.
me: "Sorry I'm kinda busy right now but how about you give me your home phone number and I'll call you sometime around dinner?"

5)
them: "Am I speaking with ?"
me: "Sorry, he's dead."

Re:Cost two million jobs...

[aprentic]

Damnit!

I put stuff in the to "me:" lines in the first two situations and they showed up in the preview.
The gist of it is still there but in case anyone is interested they where

1: hits hold and takes another crack at beating the rock monster in Metroid Prime.

2: breathes heavily.

Re:repeat after me

[shokk]

Yes, it's so easy to have to adjust your life to being a series of aliases just to accomodate some slimy telemarketers. Next, I'll make up a name for the newspaper boy in case I need to stiff him on payment for a few weeks. Then I'll make up a name for my gas card company...never know when they might call. Oh, and don't forget the neighbors...might not want to talk to them sometimes.

Dating women who can't say "no"

[doublem]

So, where were all these women who can't say "No" when I was single???

#5....

[mhore]

Used that one a few times. Immediately I got "Oh I am so sorry..." ...which made me rather angry, since I knew damn well they didn't care and were being even MORE dishonest. ;-)

Telemarketers destroyed by cruise missile attack!

[HarveyBirdman]

"We felt a lesson had to be taught," said newly appointed White House spokesdroid Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf after a volley of 753 cruise missiles were launched against the central assets of the nation's telemarketers. "Those phone calling, ass sucking bastards may feel safe hiding behind their lawyers, but they have been taught the shame that they shall now feel. We expect them to commit suicide at any moment."

Early reports indicate that every cruise missile hit its intended targets except for one that leveled a Stuckey's in deepest, darkest New Jersey.

"It was something else," said Garden State resident Bibby O'Leary. "There were nutty cheese balls everywhere. May the gracious Lord grant me my wish to never look upon such a sight again."

"We gave the stinking pig-dogs a chance with the National Do Not Fucking Bother Me Resolution," said al-Sahaf. "We gave them every chance, but their black little souls were full of evil, and they had to be taught a lesson.

"Gurgle! Argh!" shouted American Teleservices Association executive director Tim Searcy from his hospital bed where he was being treated for extensive limb loss. "Millions of grandmothers will die for lack of employment, and rats will devour the children of the land! Telemarketing is the only thing keeping the cloven hooved man-goat at bay in his underworld!"

"There is ample legal precedent for governmental interest in protecting residential privacy," said FCC spokesbabe Bubbles McConnifer. "If those cock-gobbling leeches at the ATA don't like it, we can add them to the list of known terrorist organizations, and tip off the MPAA that the ATA is involved in heavy file sharing. Let's see how those weasels like that."

Related link:

Amateur photo of ATA headquarters. [virginia.edu]

In Other News

[ShieldW0lf]

The OCAA (Organized Crime Association of America) is suing the government over their "Anti-Theft" laws.

Their representative, known only as "The Don", says that the legislation cost their business 9.4 trillion US dollars last year.

"This is a staggering sum" said The Don

"That's the equivilant of the entire US GDP for that year. Do you know how many citizens can be employed with that kind of money?"

The White House refused to comment.

Re:repeat after me

[Lord Apathy]

Just jerk the god damn phone off the wall. Worked for me. Sure I don't have a phone anymore, but I don't get fucked with during dinner or sex.

Karma bonus for those that can figure out when this call was.

Call Me!

[mobileskimo]

Hi, I'm calling you to tell you about...

Can I get your phone number?

Sure. 1-800-55...

No, your home phone number?

Wha... why do you want my...

So I can call you at home. It's only fair, no?

Re:repeat after me

[Cpt_Kirks]

Money well spent. Plus, I get to demand of the a-hole calling "HOW DID YOU GET THIS UNLISTED NUMBER?", especially if they also know my name.

Then I demand they put me on *their* don't-call list.

Yes, I have heard the whine that "It's just their job". Piss on that, let `em do something more honorable, like crack dealer, hooker or lawyer...

Re:repeat after me

[micromoog]

Let's see, this is Slashdot . . . so it must have been during dinner.

The Mafia files a similar suite...

[f0rt0r]

In other news, the American Mafia was inspired by the Telemarkers lawsuit to sue local and federal law enforcement agencies. A Mafia leader known as "The Don" stated, "By outlawing the activities of our organization - wrecking stores to get protection money, kidnapping for ransom, blackmailing, etc. - these agencies are putting countless hard-working Americans out of work. Why, Joey took a bullet last night while roughing up a small business owner who was behind on his protection payments. Is this how we are repaid for all of our efforts?"

Telemarketers Recorded

[Drakantus]

hilarious [phoneonthecob.com]

Re:repeat after me

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

Interesting point.

I could counter that by saying that nobody needs a phone.

Then you could counter by saying that phones are a necessity in our modern world.

Then we'd verbally abuse each other for awhile until someone invokes Godwin's Law.

That was easy. I just saved myself about three or four posts :) I should do this more often.

Politicians can still call me...

[Anonymous Coward]

CALLER: Hello, I'm calling you on behalf of President George W. Bush. He has a very important message for you. For just 3 easy payments of 19.99 you can own your very own George Foreman grill. For an extra $2000.00, you can be the proud owner of the Texas sized George W. Bush premium edition.

I tried #5

[MongooseCN]

"Sorry, he's dead."

I tried something similar to this, it went like:

Marketer: Hi this is Ann with a special deal on blah blah.. Could I speak with Joe?
Me: Sorry he died.
Marketer: Oh, sorry to hear that. Could I speak with whoever the current owner of the household is then?

I should have replied, "No, he just died at the audacity of your response.".

Re:repeat after me

[IIRCAFAIKIANAL]

I don't get fucked with during [...] sex.

Er, I think you may be doing something wrong then...

Severe job losses

[Kakurenbo Shogun]

Yeah, and if you think a lot of jobs will be lost by restricting telemarketing, just think how many would be lost if we outlawed drugs and prostitution! Telemarketers will be the sacrificial lamb that will wake us up to the devastation caused by government interference in the markets before we go too far.

On the flip side, my psychic foresaw that this law will raise the GNP by $57 billion after people sitting at home unmolested by telemarketers get bored and start up home business to kill time.

Re:repeat after me

[way2trivial]

My home phone has been listed for the last 8 years under a sci-fi pseudonym

my local telco doesn't charges for unlisted, but strangely, doesn't care what listing I have it under.

whenever I get a call for Mr. 'Dorsey', I know it's time for a round of, "fuck with the caller until it's boring."

Re:repeat after me

[dorsey]

whenever I get a call for Mr. 'Dorsey', I know it's time for a round of, "fuck with the caller until it's boring."

Unfortunatly, that doesn't work so well for me...

Or we could just...

[Barlo_Mung_42]

Or we could just load them into a space ship along with all the phone sanitizers and launch them into space, never to return.

Re:Won't work

[neirboj]

"Having a big mouth and being able to follow a script sounds like the job description of a politician."

And, oh, wait... politicians are exempt from the list. How awfully convenient!

Real War Dialing

[jmoriarty]

Just to be safe, maybe we should add the number for the WOPR [imdb.com] to the Do Not Call list.

Anyone have the number handy? Bueller? Bueller? [imdb.com]

Re:Cost two million jobs...

[Anonymous Coward]

them: "Am I speaking with ?"

me: "Sorry, he's dead."

I heard of someone taking this approach once. He did this when his credit card company called once, and they wound up closing his account because they assumed he was deceased.

Drug Dealers Too!

[PetoskeyGuy]

According to This page [cyberessays.com] There are between 12 and 40 million drug dealers in the US. They should get together and sue the Government - think of all those poor dealers who will be out of work when those "Do Not Sell Drugs" laws take effect. Think of what it will do to the economy.
-------
Hmmm, lets rate this 62% Funny, 28% Insightful, 29% Sarcastic, 1% interesting with a +1 bonus for putting in a link.
(For the people who think moderators need help)

What quality of jobs are lost?

[Anonymous Coward]

Who cares! I sure as hell don't! It will be 2 million under paid, depressing, high pressured, demeaning, unsatisfying, false hope, no education needed, scam pushing, annoying jobs that will be removed off the face of this earth.

What a relief! I have no pity at all.

Re:repeat after me

[drsmithy]

Because it's unavoidable. That's why they're called "accidents" and not "deliberates".

Re:repeat after me

[The_dev0]

Wow, that was pretty thoughtful of them. Maybe next time you could plan on getting hit by a beer-and-doritos truck?