Another Millionaire Spammer Story

An anonymous reader writes "Here's another story about a millionaire spammer who thinks he is doing nothing wrong and can't wait to get his hands on the next generation of spamming software." See also the last installment.

dammit

[i_need_no_nick]

damn spammers :(

I lose more cool email addresses that way...

Great!

[Anonymous Coward]

This is a great way to increase spam by showing all these success stories! Keep up the great work! :)

damn spammers

[Anonymous Coward]

"Alan Ralsky's brand new 8,000-square-foot luxury home near Halsted and Maple in West Bloomfield has been a busy place this month. Outside, landscapers worked against the November cold to get a sprinkler system installed before the ground freezes. Inside, painters prepared to hang wallpaper."

an angry mob will teach him to stop spamming us

spam shark

[ciscoeng]

FTC> *knocking*

Spammer> "Who is it?"

FTC> "Flowers"

Spammer> "What?"

FTC> "Pizza delivery"

Spammer> "Oh. Ok."

Spammer> "Hey, you're that spam shark, aren't you?

ethical??

[chef_raekwon]

"I don't do any porn or sexual messages," he said, citing a..

can't say I've ever heard of an "ethical" spammer.....

sounds like an oxymoron to me...

Ok, Step # 1

[3.5 stripes]

Find that T1 line.

Step #2 hire some blackhats to turn the entire center into a bunch of machines with blank disks.

Step #3 Repeat as necessary

I've got $20 in my hand that I'd give to that effort in a second.

Re:Ok, Step # 1

[Anonymous Coward]

One of the more noble reasons why someone on this site is typing with only one hand... :-)

Ha! The Falun Gong thing worked!

[Cutriss]

I remember people mentioning this a few /. articles back when we were talking about an effective way to stop spammers and Bernard Shifman...by reporting them to the Chinese government.

Earlier this month, said Ralsky, somebody told the Chinese government that a Web company from which he leases e-mail servers in Beijing was sending messages critical of Chinese policy.

Police promptly raided the business and confiscated Ralsky's servers. Although they were returned a few days later, Ralsky now tries to cover his tracks better, so opponents won't know what companies and servers he's using.

Linford said he heard of the raid. "It wasn't us that caused it," he said. "But there are a lot of anti-spam activists, and apparently some of them on their own started organizing a campaign to get the Chinese government to think that Ralsky was supporting" the Falun Gong, an outlawed spiritual group the Chinese government considers subversive. "We didn't endorse that, but it shows you how deep the anti-Ralsky feelings are."

If that worked, maybe we can find someone with a much *longer* reach to take him down.

We need to start reporting him as a terrorist to the FBI. We know how pushy they can be. :) As was mentioned in the Buckeye case from last night, they'll steal^H^H^H^H^Hconfiscate all his equipment during the "investigation"...

Stop me if you've heard this one...

[Bonker]

A spammer was hit by a bus. He, like all spammers, descended into hell, where he was met by a large, read minataur creature with huge, dripping horns.

"Hi!" the spammer greeted him. "There must have been some mistake. I wasn't supposed to go here. I was expecting to meet Saint Peter and pass through the pearly gates."

"TREMBLE, MORTAL SINNER, BEFORE THE UNHOLY TERROR THAT IS BEELZEBUB, LORD OF THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL!" the demon replied. "ABANDON ALL HOPE AS YOU BEGIN TO REAP WHAT YOU HAVE SOWN!"

"Can't I go to heaven?" the spammer asked, quite sure that he had not really done anything worthy of eternal damnation.

"Sure," the demon replied in conversational tones. "But first you have to work off all the spam you sent. Millions and millions of emails, right?"

The spammer nodded, happy that he wasn't going to be confined to darkness and torment for all time. "What do I have to do?"

"These," the demon said, pointing to a endless field of paper stacked yards tall, "are printouts off all the spam you've ever sent. You must dispose of it all before you can leave this place."

"How do I dispose of it?" the spammer asked, somehwhat apprehensive about his task.

"I'll show you," the dmeon replied. "Bend over and pull your pants down..."

Two Words: Electromagnetic Pulse.

[iainl]

Oh please, can we? Pretty pretty please with cherries on top?

It'd get my vote.

Spammer's address

[phritz]

I hope everyone noticed that, although the author promised not to give out the spammer's address, he conveniently told us exactly how to find it.

But, you know, it sure would be a shame if some /.er in the Oakland area were to go get that address. . . and a real shame if s/he decided to post that address here. I mean, what good could that possibly serve?

Re:All spammers

[LostCluster]

Nah, spammers actually spur Internet growth.

Think of all the legit system admins who spend hours cleaning out overloaded systems, and programmers who develop anti-spam solutions for both networks and users, and additonal bandwith that needs to be purchased so that legit traffic can move past all the spam.

The fact is, the more spam annoys people, the more they're willing to pay us to make it go away.

Great Reporting!

[ictatha]

You gotta love this reporter... From the article:

"Ralsky agreed to this interview and the tour of his operation only if I promised not to print the address of his new home, which I found in Oakland County real estate records."

So he *didn't* publish the address, just told you where to find it. Good stuff! I don't know what this says about the reporter's integrity, but in this case I think we can let that go. :)

So...

[darketernal]

Does Rasky delete the spam he gets?

Re:Ha! The Falun Gong thing worked!

[darketernal]

As was mentioned in the Buckeye case from last night, they'll steal^H^H^H^H^Hconfiscate all his equipment during the "investigation"...

I bet they have awesome LAN parties.

Re:ethical??

[asv108]

can't say I've ever heard of an "ethical" spammer....

Sounds like a crack dealer who won't sell to anyone under the age of 18.

Re:Expensive House != Net Worth

[meringuoid]

Just because someone has an expensive house or drives a nice car, doesn't mean they have a net worth of a million dollars. One can have very little in the way of assets but can still get mortgages and auto loans.

Yes, Ralsky's been bankrupt and has a terrible credit rating. But he refinanced and got a good deal on a mortgage loan, and now he makes $$$ in a profitable home business.

Re:What a moron...

[iamwoodyjones]

I'm afraid to actually check that out. Because if that is truely his address and phone number I feel really sorry for him. For sure latter tonight he'll hear:
"Hello, Alan, Have you heard the sad news? Steven King is dead at 54! Apparently he..."

As well as, "First Phone Call!"

And of course, "Hey, I've 1) Called you. 2) Uhhh... 3) PROFIT!!!! BTW, FreeBSD/Linux/etc are dying!"

But not before, "Hey Ralsky ol buddy. I think this call just might be one of several beowulf of phone calls!"

You're a mean one, Mr. Ralsky...

[Anonymous Coward]

I live about 60 miles west of this guy. I wonder what I should get him for Christmas now, because the poop-on-the-doorstep thing has already been done.

Re:All spammers

[Evil Adrian]

When legislation doesn't work, sheer violence might. I say enough's enough, let's beat these people up.

This is bullshit

[wiggys]

It is intricate computer software, said Ralsky, that can detect computers that are online and then be programmed to flash them a pop-up ad, much like the kind that display whenever a particular Web site is opened.

"This is even better," he said. "You don't have to be on a Web site at all. You can just have your computer on, connected to the Internet, reading e-mail or just idling and, bam, this program detects your presence and up pops the message on your screen, past firewalls, past anti-spam programs, past anything.

Yeah, and it can impregnate your wife, stop your kids from doing drugs and increase the length of your penis by up to 4 inches.

"Isn't technology great?"

IT WORKS!

[savetz]

Do you know how he became a millionaire? By sending $5 in cash to each of the five names below. I didn't believe it at first, but it works!

Privacy. PAH.

[Accipiter]

Ralsky agreed to this interview and the tour of his operation only if I promised not to print the address of his new home, which I found in Oakland County real estate records.

Yeah because, you know, he wouldn't want a bunch of unsolicited visitors annoying him and being a pain in the ass. And more and more would just end up showing up, enough to cause him a big headache, and creating problems in his attempts to get his daily activites done.

Sound familiar, asshole? Fucking lowlife spammers.

Re:damn spammers

[saider]

The first time I heard the expression was with a Brazilian friend of mine. He was schooled over there and was visiting his family here in Florida. We were heading down to the gun range to do some skeet shooting and he mentioned that he wanted to step out and "smoke a fag".

You can imagine the confusion that caused.

You know...

[segfault7375]

Instead of Spam Assissin, maybe what we need is Spammer Assissin :)

I like that interviwer!

[EvilBudMan]

--Ralsky agreed to this interview and the tour of his operation only if I promised not to print the address of his new home, which I found in Oakland County real estate records. --

Does anyone else like this info? Oakland County? Does anyone know if these are online? Here in Virgina, all court records are online. I don't know about realestate. It's county by county too.

Instead of using those free AOL CD's for coasters, maybe we could just mass snail mail them to him. Support your local post office, snail mail American.

Re:All spammers

[Anonymous Coward]

We know where this one lives. Let's go kill him.

Of course, this is a joke. Surely there isn't a single person who reads Slashdot who has been so annoyed by spam that they would go so far as to kill him and burn down his house. Nope. Nobody like that. Even if that person would almost certainly be able to escape punishment if even a tiny amount of forethought were used in the attempt. After all, Virginia police couldn't even catch a homeless muslim sniper after multiple shootings; what are the odds they'll catch some geek who is actually paying attention to not leave any evidence behind?

Of course, this really is a joke. And everyone reading it should take it as a joke. Except for that one very special person. Yes, you my friend. You know what you must do...

Re:Ha! The Falun Gong thing worked!

[Tackhead]

> > [Chinese] Police promptly raided the business and confiscated Ralsky's servers. Although they were returned a few days later, Ralsky now tries to cover his tracks better, so opponents won't know what companies and servers he's using.
>
>If that worked, maybe we can find someone with a much *longer* reach to take him down.
>
>We need to start reporting him as a terrorist to the FBI. We know how pushy they can be. :)

Yeah. I'm kinda amazed that it worked, but I suppose with the number of people doing it, someone would get lucky. Alas, unlike American cops, when the Chinese cops raid a place and steal its equipment, they give it back. Who'dathunk that?

Yo, Charlie Chan, that's not how you're supposed to play the game! When you raid a shop for its computers, you're supposed to keep the damn computers! Duh!

(Obviously they haven't been taking their lessons from the FBI seriously, or the Chinese Communist dictatorship, because it has no concept of private property, has yet to invent asset forfeiture laws yet :-)

A Modest Proposal, then:

For every blocked spam delivery attempt, bounce every Ralsky spam with:

"550 - Allahu Akbar! - Islamohash detected - responding with segment #12345 - FJAKC RLXCJ VOHSA COPQM JJWOZ"

Every day, plus or minus a few hours, randomly regenerate the pro-Arab slogan. (The idea is that it's supposed to look like an SMTP server is responding to the hashbusters *in* Ralsky's spam, and responding with a segment of a coded message.)

Then, for every 550 message, increment the message segment number, and randomly generate blocks of random characters.

Sit back and wait. If Fedz show up on your doorstep, supply with donuts (the good kind, damnit!) and show 'em the script that generates 'em randomly. And give 'em a laptop for their troubles.

If Fedz show up on Ralsky's doorstep, write letter to Congressman requesting that the US government authorize the use of any and all means of torture on terror suspects. Laugh maniacally as spam problem goes away. And I mean far away.

As for what to do with Ralsky once he's been disappeared for supporting terrorism, I have another Modest Proposal:

1) Lock Ralsky in cell with a laptop and a 2400-baud modem.
2) He can eat his meals and quaff his drinks if and only if he replies with "Yes, I'd like to eat today!" to an email written by someone (a different person each day) working in the prison kitchen.
3) Post his email address to USENET in alt.make.money.fast.
4) If he objects that he can't find the chow-time email with the Subject: line of "Hi!" or "Let's do lunch!" message amidst the spam... well, it's just e-mail, can't he Just Hit Delete?
5) Install a webcam in the cell and sell subscriptions to live streaming webcasts of Ralsky writhing in agony as convulsions from hunger and thirst wrack his body.
6) ...
(and I hope "..." lasts for weeks, whether there are any subscribers to the webcasts or not)
7) Profit!

And just to show you I'm not a total softie when it comes to dealing with spammers, then go all Vlad-the-Impaler on him in front of Verio headquarters, as an example to the others.

Re:All spammers

[fenix down]

"With all the money we're making from this movie, we could buy a lot of plane tickets..."
How many people wanna kick some ass...

Of course, we'd try for that but end up with "Tellem Steve-Dave!"

Re:More of the same...

[susano_otter]

1) enraging /. readers to a frenzy
2) proving that crime DOES pay.
3) profit!!!

Or something.

And I quote

[Dr Thrustgood]

Today, Ralsky says he is trying to keep a lower profile, operating through cell phones and unlisted numbers. Ralsky agreed to this interview and the tour of his operation only if I promised not to print the address of his new home, which I found in Oakland County real estate records.

Ha! You've gotta love reporters sometimes :-D

Re:All spammers

[SScorpio]

Hmm... quite close to my home... I prefer following his car around and loading the windshield with flyers, and also start collecting junk mail for this mailbox. Maybe some Amway people should also try hitting him up.

Re:MOD PARENT UP, BUT CORRECTLY

[Axe]

A bunch of uncoordinated extremely over/underweight dorky slashbots aren't beating ANYONE up.

I can bench press 300lb, run marathons and did kickboxing in my school years.
Sign me up, sarge.

How about CANS of spicy meat?

[21mhz]

No, what if, say, 10% of his victims will send him a can of real Spam(TM)? Or gather with the cans into a nice projectile delivery action?

I'd recommend to have the cans open. And matured in a warm place for a few weeks.

Re:All spammers

[Anonymous Coward]

Violence is very rarely a good idea

Not true. Violence is very often a great idea. Violence is able to solve entire classes of problems that cannot be solved by other methods. Contrary to the modern mythology of "violence never solves anything", history is clear that it is often the ONLY long term solution to many problems. If violence isn't solving your problems, then you're just not using enough violence.

Re:Spammers NEW address now available

[jimwatters]

Now we know where to dirrect all those AOL CDs.

Re:MOD PARENT UP, BUT CORRECTLY

[nemesisj]

Bullcrap. That is all.

Re:I've lost it.

[psu_13]

Oh please. Talk about your typical case of geeky melodrama. Spare me your tales of woe and lost disk space and go get a real mail client with a real spam filter and get on with your life. With a bit of intelligance it's utterly trivial to reduce the amount of real spam that you acutally see to single messages per week.

p.s. for $250 i can sell you a few million e-mail addresses.